Starting over in Cleveland, OH

I figured I'd write a 3 month update from when we moved cross country and started over in Cleveland.

I have a 1989 VW Jetta.  It's dirt cheap and gets a million miles per gallon, and hopefully next month I'll start autocrossing again, after a 20 year hiatus.  I'd like to try rallycrossing as well.  I have a build thread for it.  It's slowly getting there.

Now that I've been at my new job for 3 months, my boss sat me down for my 90 day review.  He said I was doing great and he's glad he hired me, and everyone that works with me had nothing but positive things to say about me.  He's heard me converse about moving elsewhere a few years in the future and told me he wants me to stay, and gave me a 20% raise.  I am so glad I finally started working in the IT field, and I love this job.  Great company, too.  And awesome coworkers.

The Wife is now 7 months pregnant and the size of a beachball.  Our son is doing great, he's big and moves and kicks constantly, which means he's strong and healthy.  I'm still somewhere between terrified and excited for him to be here.  I believe we have 80 days left.  Our apartment is full of baby books, bottles, bibs, blankets, and bins full of diapers, wipes, and clothes.  We're about as ready as people can be.

Currently maintaining a 4.0 in school as well, studying network security.  Boring, but looks great on a resume.

We still have that dream of moving to Montreal and I think it would be better for our son, but that's a difficult and expensive move.  We've started looking at places in America and had our hearts settled on Ithaca, NY.  Then I got a raise, realized I have an excellent job/workplace, and a friend of my wife's recently bought a house in an incredible neighborhood here for $130K, so now we know the deals are around.  So it looks like we're going to stay in this area.

All in all, we've successfully overcome our hurdles from our stint in Florida, and we're solidly on the path to building a great life for ourselves.  

That's a great update bud! 

That's about the best update to read after the cluster F of FL!

In reply to Saron81 :

Friggin dusty in here all of a sudden. 

Thank you. You're my reminder today of all that is good in the world. 

You can ignore me if this is too personal but has your relationship with your dad healed any?

Stampie said:

You can ignore me if this is too personal but has your relationship with your dad healed any?

It's okay, it's not too personal, although you know me so here comes the novel.  My dad has made no effort to contact me (I believe out of shame/embarrassment) but my wife has sent him 1-2 ultrasound photos of Avi via text message over the past few months and he has kind of apologized to her via text - he said "we" are really sorry about everything that happened and what they did, but my wife and I both know my stepmom doesn't care and he was just trying to apologize in her stead to make things look better.  We certainly have not heard a peep from stepmom.  And my wife has told him in no uncertain terms that stepmom will never be allowed any access to the baby under any circumstances, and that things will never be the same between dad and us either.  She also told him that if she ever allows him to see our son it's only going to be after a very thorough apology.  He didn't reply after that.  I know how he is with situations like this and I believe he's hoping he can just ignore the situation and it'll go away with time and it will be like nothing bad ever happened.  

Honestly the whole situation has given us a lot of trust issues when dealing with people, and with all this happening during covid we've been almost 100% alone the entire time, which makes it lonely and difficult.  I spent months trying to wrap my head around the situation and understand just how my stepmom could have pulled such a 180 out of nowhere and suddenly told us she hated us and our child, and how my own father could basically just shrug and say "damn this sucks for you guys" and watch his wife make us homeless without lifting a finger to help beyond throwing a small amount of money at us.  And I lost my entire savings fixing and getting rid of that stupid Mustang, which just added salt to the wound.  It's also given me this deep down fear - I never want my son to think of me the way I think of my dad.  I just use that fear as motivation to make sure that I'm the best dad I can be and raise Avi as best as I can.

In reply to infinitenexus :

Parents either follow their parents examples good or bad or sometimes a parent realizes the problems that causes and breaks the bad chain.  Be one that breaks that chain.  Let Avi believe he's the most loved kid in the world even if it's not true cause Lil Stampie is.

Stampie said:

In reply to infinitenexus :

Parents either follow their parents examples good or bad or sometimes a parent realizes the problems that causes and breaks the bad chain.  Be one that breaks that chain.  Let Avi believe he's the most loved kid in the world even if it's not true cause Lil Stampie is.

I'll tell him his uncle Stampie said that!

I'm very happy for the happy parts of this saga. 

Great job of doing the hard work! 

Some of the best news is that after seeing several races at Sebring and some autocrossing up here, The Wife wants to get a kart for Avi once he gets of age so he can start autocrossing as well.

Good News is GOOD.

Congrats! 20% raise, where do I apply?

Congratulations! You dealt with a lot of challenges in a short amount of time, dusted yourself off, made some tough, but necessary decisions, and now it looks like just a few short months later, you're in a much better place!  Kudos to you and your wife for absorbing the blows life dealt you and bouncing right back!

Way to go.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the positivity!

More ultrasound photos this Wednesday and then our baby shower is Friday.  It's crazy how it seems like we've been pregnant forever, and now it's suddenly only 2 months away - which is still a long time, but I feel like Avi will be here tomorrow.

In reply to infinitenexus :

When she has you painting the kitchen cabniets at midnight you know your going to be soon.  I had to come home from the hospital and finish painting them before we brought him home.

Fortunately our apartment is freshly painted so I should be safe there.  

Sorry for a screenshot of photos of photos, but I wanted to share this.  These are some 3D ultrasounds, and we got a decent photo on the top one.  My wife kept poking her belly to get him to move some and he got irritated - look at that scowl in the bottom photo!  Also his umbilical cord is in front of his nose, that's what you're seeing there.

dj06482 (Forum Supporter) said:

Congratulations! You dealt with a lot of challenges in a short amount of time, dusted yourself off, made some tough, but necessary decisions, and now it looks like just a few short months later, you're in a much better place!  Kudos to you and your wife for absorbing the blows life dealt you and bouncing right back!

On that note, as much as you are angry at your Dad, it sounds like the situation was the push you needed to figure E36 M3 out vs living at his house with a broken down car, and a newly pregnant wife. Hopefully you will see his side one day. Sometimes what you see as a bad deal, is exactly what you needed to happen. 
 

Those 3D sonograms are cool, beats the old "see this blob?" ones. 

In reply to Steve_Jones :

I will agree to disagree in that regard. Dad and stepmom were galavanting throughout the world in an RV during a global pandemic while he was isolating as much as he could to minimize exposure to himself and in turn his wife and unborn child. Berkeley his dad. Whether it be for having a lack of spine or lack of situational awareness.  The only decision and direction that needed to be made was regarding the Mustang. His father offered no guidance with regards to that. The decision was clouded and made more hectic by the financial panic due to the delay in receiving of unemployment benefits. It is not abnormal for anyone to get in a frantic state when dealing with undue stress due to finances. Instead of being a calm quiet guiding hand who could envision the big picture and logically dissect the situation and offer sage advice, his father was a coward. 

Sorry, not sorry. 

I will say someone is definitely a stronger more resilient person with greater resolve for having endured this, but that is due to a difficult life lesson not a lesson that was provided the loving care of an intelligent capable parent. 

In reply to captdownshift (Forum Supporter) :

You're only hearing his side. There's always 2 (or 3) sides to every story. If it's only 2 people in the RV, what's the risk? We don't know if his Dad offered advice, it might have been the advice he didn't want to hear, as in "use your savings to fix your car". However it went down, they're in a better place, wether they see it or not. Sometime tough love is actually caring more than just letting the situation continue. 
 

Playing victim and using your child as a weapon is not healthy for anyone. 

Wow, those new images are really amazing.  

Congrats.  

When is the due date?

In reply to Steve_Jones :

I agree, there are of course many sides. I also agree that of the three things: intention, method, and results, the results are generally the most important, followed by intention.

And finally I agree that the method does not seem to have been pleasant and the intentions are unknown (to us). 

Results are clearly very positive. 

In reply to Steve_Jones :

As usual you are wrong and just came in to spew negativity.  I would appreciate it if you just left this thread alone, as you very, very clearly have absolutely nothing positive or helpful to add, and you're just going to cause a positive thread to go straight downhill.  I am going to reiterate here that I am asking you nicely to just go away and not post here anymore.  

I will say one thing though - we are not better because of my drunk parents.  We are better in spite of them.  

John Welsh said:

Wow, those new images are really amazing.  

Congrats.  

When is the due date?

August 21st, although he's measuring pretty solidly ahead so we're anticipating that doctors will want to induce early.  As far along as we are, babies are on average 2.5 lbs, and he's currently 4 lbs.  But big babies are healthy babies so that makes us happy!

In reply to infinitenexus :

You could use Steve as a positive.  Make sure you raise Avi not to turn out like Steve and you're good.