I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
Nationalism is an infantile thing. It is the measles of mankind. --Albert Einstein
You cannot be disciplined in great things and indiscipline in small things. Brave undisciplined men have no chance against the discipline and valour of other men. Have you ever seen a few policemen handle a crowd? --General George S. Patton
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent. --Unknown
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. --Lily Tomlin
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. --P. J. O'Rourke
I think that should sufficiently increase my post count for a lazy Sunday. --Me
To a guy with a hammer, everything looks like a nail -Mark Twain
I like this version better: If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail
My Dad was an electrical engineer and completely missed the mechanical gene. Me talking to him:
"You could ruin an anvil with a rubber mallet"
Scott_H wrote: To a guy with a hammer, everything looks like a nail -Mark Twain I like this version better: If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail
The version I use every day: "When you are a hammer, everything looks like a nail"
"It's 12 volts, it's not going to kill you."
"Oh come on, how hot could it possibly have been?"
"If you don't throw up, you'll like it."
"Keep pulling until all the guts are out."
"It will wear off eventually, probably."
"Don't tell your mother."
"I came through and I shall return" - Douglas MacArthur
"A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week." - George S. Patton
"Second star to the right and straight on till morning." - Captain James T. Kirk
"I once thought I had mono for an entire year."
"It turned out I was just really bored."
-- Wayne Campbell
"Don't blow-up the building if all you have is a leaky roof." - Herman Cain
If you give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest of men, I will find something in them which will hang him. --Richelieu
It's not about what you love, it's about how you love it.
Don't be a dick.
Write drunk, edit sober.
DFTBA: Don't Forget To Be Awesome.
"The only time you have is the time you make. If you want it badly enough, you'll make time for it" -Cecil Kellum
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
From my dad:
Don't eat Mac and cheese before going to the bar with friends- it hurts when it's coming out you nose.
(Doing electrical work) if I stop talking, knock me down with this broom.
From other sources:
Every thing in moderation, including moderation.
Do you require medical attention?
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: Man invented language to satisfy women's deep need to complain. --Lily Tomlin
FTFH. 
The driver that I crewed for last summer: my front berkeleying wheel fell off!
Winston Churchill “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”
Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
Ayrton Senna: when you have God on your side, everything becomes clear.
Steve McQueen: "I don't believe in that phony hero stuff."
From Pale Rider: The Preacher: Nothing like a good piece of hickory.
93EXCivic wrote: If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer.
FTFY 
" Fat and stupid is no way to go through life, son." Dean Wormer
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