Before lunch my bosses was standing in the service drive and noticed I touched the tire tread on a customers vehicle but did not use a tread tepth indicator to measure the tire. I wrote down 4/32" and moved along with the repair order. It apparently stuck in his craw because they pulled me into the office to give me a stern talking to. The question that came out of his mouth was "Are your fingers calibrated?" I responded "No, they are digital, they don't need calibration." My boss was standing behind his boss and almost died trying not to laugh. Tom got huff and dragged me into the shop to measure the cars tires... 4/32, 4/32, 4/32, 4/32... Yep 20 years in the business taught me a trick.
I am waiting to see what happens next ;)
Shoulda made a "Who buys lunch" wager !! 
Wow, that is an excellently layered joke there. I had to read it to catch the extra funny in it. Digit-al he says.
I had fun at work when i had to explain to my unit (heh heh "unit.") what exactly a "digital colonoscopy" was.
"How is it digital?"
(gives middle finger)
"This, is a digit."
I frequently find myself in a similar position at work. I once spotted a beam that was 3/16" out of level from 200 yards away.
I've found it generally pisses people off.
I sometimes carry tools (like a level, or a feeler gauge) just to make people feel better. I already know what it will take, but I get in trouble if I say so.
I have also found that people are unduly impressed with digital stuff and lasers. They love to see them in use, yet no one ever asks how they get calibrated (and I don't know ANY tradesmen who know how to to it). I know several big companies that have lost law suits instantly when they brought an electronic measuring instrument into the courtroom. Lawyers love 'em.
Most people are impressed when I level something with an out-of-level level. "Don't use that level- the bubble is off". I can still use it with perfect accuracy- check with one edge, flip it around and check with the other. Perfectly level will be exactly halfway between the two readings.
But most folks would rather trust in fancy light-up tools they don't understand.
I was once at an autocross in a really obnoxious mood, so I made a big deal about how I was going to dial in my tyre pressures with my new "digital pyrometer" and clean up. The "digital pyrometer" was, of course, my fingers. Touch the inside of the tyre, touch the outside, if they're wildly different temperatures the pressure's wrong. (Or the alignment but that car didn't have much on-the-fly adjustment points.) I... didn't clean up.
you mean you didn't wash your hands afterwards?
LOLz Dirty dirty digits
SVreX wrote: I frequently find myself in a similar position at work. I once spotted a beam that was 3/16" out of level from 200 yards away.
I have that.
Not only do I see it, but it drives me crazy until I fix it. My 130 year old farmhouse is killing me.
I was drunk and spotted one of my buddies race carbs' floats for his boat wasn't set right.
He was amazed.
I don't remember much after that
C'mon John. You know the service lane is no place for a true "car guy". Thats the techs job!
I once recall a very similar conference call amongst managers. The issue of use of the tread depth gauges came up.
One of whom, Justin, I've had the pleasure of working with is a very good guy, manager, and business man. He also loved to get inked.
"You've got to carry that tread depth gauges and use them. It's not like your people have 32nds tattooed on their finger... well Justin might... but that's besides the point..."
mad_machine wrote: you mean you didn't wash your hands afterwards?
I like feeling the hot rubber dust on my hootus when I take a leak. Oh, sorry, was that too much info?
Remember, there's no " I " in funny, but there is in "fired". I know how hard it is to NOT say something sometimes. Hopefully it will work out ok...
...and how did your boss manage to stay quiet?? I would have chuckle at the very least...
SVreX wrote: I frequently find myself in a similar position at work. I once spotted a beam that was 3/16" out of level from 200 yards away. I've found it generally pisses people off.
20 years in and around machine shops means that I have a keen sense for the thousandth. I was trying to get a clearance right on something I was working on, looked at the interference, and told the machinist to take off .040". He protested that there was no way in hell that was right. So I went, got out my calipers, and measured the pieces.
.040"
He hasn't questioned me since. 
EDIT: Argh! it ate parts of this in brackets...
On the flip side, I brought my car in to get the tires rotated once as the fronts were getting fairly worn. Yeah, it's easy, but I was short on time, and with a lift they could do it way faster than me.
So I drop off the car, and 10 minutes later the tech comes over to me:
Him: You don't want the back ones up front, there's way more tread on the front ones
Me: No there isn't. Did you actually measure it?
Him: Yes there is, here's the sheet where I recorded them.
<Hands me a sheet with some treat depth numbers on it>
Me: That's amazing! Because I have that same sheet in my glovebox from six months ago when I got them rotated here and according to your measurements my tires have all grown 2/32" of tread in the past 10,000 miles. And that;s before taking into consideration I know the fronts have less tread.
Him: No they don't.
Me: OK, show me.
<We wander over to by the lift>
Him: See?
Me: Nope. The fronts clearly have less tread.
Him. No they don't
Me: Can I see a gauge?
Him: Can't let a customer use tools or touch a car on a lift.
Me: Then can I see you measure them.
Him: <sigh> fine
< He proceeds to actually measure them, and lo and behold they've now lost tread since the last time, and the fronts are 2/32 worse than the backs >
Him: I guess I swap them like you said, but I still thing the fronts have more tread.
Me: < thinking to self > not coming back here again
Moral of the story: There's no way that guy put a gauge on those tires, and sometimes someone who claims to be able to measure stuff without measuring is wrong. Even if you can do it, plenty of people who think they can really can't. So the boss's boss was dead on in getting you to actually measure them. Hell even someone who's normally good at it can have a bad day.
On the other hand, the "No, they are digital, they don't need calibration" is hilarious.
stan wrote: Remember, there's no " I " in funny, but there is in "fired". I know how hard it is to NOT say something sometimes. Hopefully it will work out ok... ...and how did your boss manage to stay quiet?? I would have chuckle at the very least...
Duane is still chuckling every time he walks by me. Tom let it go, the dealer principal walked up to me and asked what I did to Tom and I told her (she has quite a sense of humor and knows cars) and she congradulated me for not being pushed around... then asked if I could use the tread depth gauges when possible. I said no problem and all is well.
John Brown wrote:stan wrote: Remember, there's no " I " in funny, but there is in "fired". I know how hard it is to NOT say something sometimes. Hopefully it will work out ok... ...and how did your boss manage to stay quiet?? I would have chuckle at the very least...Duane is still chuckling every time he walks by me. Tom let it go, the dealer principal walked up to me and asked what I did to Tom and I told her (she has quite a sense of humor and knows cars) and she congradulated me for not being pushed around... then asked if I could use the tread depth gauges when possible. I said no problem and all is well.
Sounds like it went pretty well then.
Sounds like your dealer principal has her stuff together.
Handled it with poise, gave corrective advice, and all parties walked away with dignaty and feeling justified.
Who is this mythical principal you made up?
On the subject of tread depth gauges... I had a disagreement that almost came to blows the last time I had to turn a lease car in (many years ago) - the guy who came to do the inspection used a depth gauge but measured off the tread depth indicator and told me the tires were under spec and needed to be replaced before the car was turned in. I refused to sign his report because as I tried to explain to him those raised wear bars show when there's 2/32 of tread left which means measuring right on them takes 2/32 off the measured depth, which was the difference between needing new tires or not. Moral of the story is even having the right tool doesn't help when the tool using it doesn't know how.
Oh, I'll bet he new what he was doing.
Yes, he knew exactly what he was doing.
Nope, he was just stupid. Third party lease turn in inspectors are paid a flat rate for the inspection - I did it myself a few times many years back, $75 plus mileage. Now if it was at a dealer on turn in, where they might have to buy tires to put it on their lot if they bought it from the finance company, I could understand being underhanded.
John Brown wrote: she congratulated me for not being pushed around... then asked if I could use the tread depth gauges when possible. I said no problem and all is well.
Sounds like she is hitting on you.
FlightService wrote: Who is this mythical principal you made up?
LOL.
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