Workplace sayings

wheelsmithy wrote: OK, you asked... it INFURIATES me when people say they want to "GROW" the business and "SERVICE" the customer.

If you want to grow something, you put E36 M3 on it.

"Service" as a verb is an old farmers' euphemism for breeding. That is to say, the act of breeding.

So, getting E36 M3 on and being screwed, sounds about right then...

In the company that I used to work for, the corporate HQ was frequently referred to as "The Snake Pit".

In my branch we also often referred to the owner and his two sons as "Moe, Larry and Curly". The HQ also had a "Shemp", "Sly Stallone", "Joe Isuzu", "Shaggy" and "PeeWee Herman".

I can't believe that no one ever punched "PeeWee" in straight in the face. He was an obnoxious know it all, that had no idea how clueless he really was. I'm a very peaceful well adjusted man, and I couldn't stand being in the same room with him for more than a couple of minutes. "Larry" made him the parts manager of the entire company. We literally lost dozens of accounts due to his interactions with customers.

I liked "Joe Isuzu", I think his reputation was undeserved.

"pillow comfortable" is one that will always stick in my mind. I'm thinking they all read some book somewhere that has these kinds of things in them.

We did come up with one of our own, just so we could play too:

"Off-the-rim" meaning "I won't be available to attend your stupid meeting" , etc. Meeting at 9:00? Sorry, I'm off-the-rim right now...

"Out of sight, out of mind."

Seriously, lay low outta sight or they will find some kind of needless BS for you to do. Once they spot you it's too late, the light bulb goes on, you're paged w/ in a minute. All too often it's another trade's problem but they will have the unknowing boss call us in to check this/ that while they take an hour break.

There is almost no communication in the various levels of my department, and significant incompetence that goes unchallenged. Each day is one comedy of errors after another. I have theorized why. Whenever one of these episodes occurs, I ask "Who's in charge?" The answer is the hook line from these low budget Canadian commercials, and usually half the shift answers with it, just like in the commercial.

Currently it's "Rocks are hard, water is wet". It's supposed to mean I am now allowed to tell you something that's going to piss you off, but you can't get mad because I have now warned you its coming.

Bring your scissors (for cutting the red tape if you want to get something done)

What if they get hit by a bus - the phrase used to justify writing a process for everything instead of "what if they get fed up and quit?"

popcorn meeting - a meeting where there will be conflict that won't affect you, bring your popcorn and watch

Any time there's two or more bosses in a room with closed doors: 'Fire in the hole!'

When we get phone calls at work, we are supposed to ask the customer if they want us to place the item(s) on hold. One of my guys had turned it into "would you like me to pull that out and hold it for you?"

"Getting called to the principals office" was when someone be has a surprise one on one with upper management, usually bad.