Tom_Spangler wrote: If Comcast made a hammer, it would be the only hammer available. It would pound every nail crooked, and if you called them to get help, you'd be directed to a hammer specialist in India who can't solve your problem.
Comcast wouldn't make hammers. They'd make screwdrivers. 
Keith Tanner wrote: If Cummins made a hammer, it would weigh 1000 lbs and would just work and work and work and work. But the carrying case would fall apart.
The most accurate thing I've ever read.
If Jaguar built a hammer it would promise (in theory) to revel many other hammers that are priced much higher but in actuality they underperform despite dumping copious amounts of money into it. Newer ones perform as well as expected but plague the owner with ubiquitous service reminders that require specialized dealer service. As such only rich older people buy them with no intention of actually driving nails.
I can't sleep, so:
If Toyota made hammers, they'd make bland hammers that got the job done well enough for a long time. They'd also produce hammers designed for rugged use that would quickly build a great reputation for being able to handle almost anything, anywhere in the world. Eventually, a carpenter who owned one of these hammers and sold it would see his hammer being used hammer nails by an extremist group, and would sue Toyota.
If Mazda made hammers, they'd care about the act of hammering and produce well crafted hammers that experts seemed to love but everybody else mostly ignored.
If Geeley made hammers, people would watch in horror as it crumpled in a test.
If Lancia made hammers, they'd have historically produced some of the most hardcore hammers during certain periods of time, but faded into relative obscurity in later years.
If Citroen made hammers, they would innovate many improvements and advances into hammer technology. They would build great hammers, but fail to do well in the USA because they were considered a bit weird and ugly.
If Stihl built hammers, they would build three grades of hammers: Home, Pro and Unstoppable. If you could find one, buying a used Pro or Unstoppable would be a better idea than buying a new Home.
If Absolut built hammers, they would be horribly overpriced for what you got, but still manage to do well through the power of brilliant marketing.
If Budweiser built hammers, they'd be advertised as being All-American despite being owned by a foreign company. They'd even go so far as to call their hammers "Americans" instead of hammers.
If cats made hammers, they'd loudly pound nails up and down the hall at 1 in the morning for no damned reason at all.
If Pirelli made hammers, they would build the most expensive hammers for the finest craftsmen, but the heads would come flying off the handles halfway through carpentry competitions.
haiku make hammer
Drive nails, hit Five Seven Five
Oops Posted wrong thread
If nissan built hammers, they would build two kinds. Mostly absolutely anonymous rental grade hammers, that all they did was hammer, and are perfect for people who just need to hammer and don't care how.
But for a little whIle they'd make hammerzilla. Hammerzilla would be ridiculously complicated, very expensive, and make anyone look like Bob Vila just holding it. However hammerzilla would have a super mode activated by pushing an illogical sequence of buttons on the interface, that would cause Hammer zilla to perform closer to a jet being catapulted off an aircraft carrier. Fanbois would use this mode excessively and cause 25k worth of damage to it, and nissan would quit warrsntying them.
If Elon Musk built a hammer I'd be deeply concerned about his end game in the hammer business.
If Google built a hammer, it would gain sentience and kill us all.
if Pontiac had built hammers, they would have started out as the high performance version of GM's hammer, but by the time they were cancelled, been reduced to being a complete copy of GM's hammer with a ribbed rubber handle
If Subway built a 2 lb dead blow hammer, it would weigh precisely 1.84 lbs. 
An IKEA hammer would require you to buy another hammer to assemble it.
T.J. wrote: If Subaru made a hammer it would be symmetrical and be able to strike with either end at the same time.
It would get rusty in days and mostly be used by lesbian carpenters. The cool version of their hammer would get badly modified by carpenters that wore flat brim hats and would be available in the used market in a condition that could only be described as "hammered".
If Izhmash made hammers, they'd be shaped just like they are now, and still fire bullets. 
if Comcast made a hammer, it would stop working right when you were looking forwards to using it the most, a call to the phone centre would have them walk you through a futile attempt at rebooting it (even though you already did that) and then they would schedule a tech to come out tomorrow to look at sometime between 9am and 5pm.
If Autozone made a hammer they'd offer a $1.49 grease packet with it.
Appleseed wrote: An IKEA hammer would require you to buy another hammer to assemble it.
Nope, the hammer to assemble it would come in the same pack, then in a few years you'd have 10 spare assembly hammers in your tool box after you throw them in there thinking one day they'd be useful.
If I made a hammer I'd never complete it, despite having an impressive collection of factory high performance parts that my favorite hammer constructor made, but never put together all in one tool.
The problem is that I spend all my time (that isn't family time) repairing and servicing industrial grade hammers. I get stuck with a lot of off-brand and orphan brand tools that don't have any tech support, and everybody else in the company is afraid to work on them.
Come on people, in the end they're all just hammers, it doesn't matter what continent they were made on, there's only a couple of ways they can work, figure it out.
If the swiss made a hammer it would have all sorts of cool fold out tools in the handle, including a cork screw
you all are silly
mad_machine wrote: If the swiss made a hammer it would have holes in it.
FTFY
bigdaddylee82 wrote: and smell like crayons.
Woah, I thought I was the only one who noticed this...
AWSX1686 wrote:bigdaddylee82 wrote: and smell like crayons.Woah, I thought I was the only one who noticed this...
I said the same thing.
Yugo made a hammer.
If Craftsman made a hammer the old ones would be high-quality tools that generations of people would rely on, but the new ones would be the same cheap Chinese crap they sell at Harbor Freight with a Craftsman logo on it.
Wait, am I doing this right?
You'll need to log in to post.
