Quote of the day: a thread for things that aren't necessarily motivational

In reply to JakeOG :

Water isn't wet, water makes things wet.


And yes, this goes in the quote list, because I lost that argument years and years ago and never forgot it.


 

From a Craigslist ad: "Lots of RARE GOOD parts. Also, lots of rare bad parts."

From swmbo- "pastrami is frenching the treat hole!" 

Toyman01 said:

Mndsm said:

 

When asked if I could drive a forklift- "I've never crashed one....". 

Hmm, I can't say that. Does that mean I can't drive a forklift?

I didn't exactly crash it, I dropped a rather long steel pole from fairly high up and stabbed it through the drivers door of a 70s Chevy pickup. 

I had never driven to that point and had to come up with a positive spin. 

Mndsm said:

Also- "I just watched a guy karate fight a stop sign". Text to swmbo. 

 

Who won?

"If you're gonna break it, make sure they can tell you broke it"

-me, carrying a wheel blank that cracked in several places and tried to fly apart on the lathe. (We all agreed to blame the supplier.)

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face-  Mike Tyson

Wally said:

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face-  Mike Tyson

This over and over again.......thanks for sharing, I'd forgotten about MT the elocutionist.....

Mndsm said:

From swmbo- "pastrami is frenching the treat hole!" 

I'm still trying to put all the pieces of this back on the puzzle board.......you may expect another response soon...

"Hey, um, anyone know where I could get some horse blood by Friday?"

Appleseed : "I dance to music no one else can hear."

One of my coworkers, who heard this somewhere else, said to me:

"If it can't be expressed as an equation, it's an opinion."

"Your dog is so fat she needs a kickstand. "

Whoever put the “B” in “subtle” was a genius.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Mark Twain

MadScientistMatt said:

Mndsm said:

Also- "I just watched a guy karate fight a stop sign". Text to swmbo. 

 

Who won?

Call it a draw. He was later arrested after calling the fuzz to report a false rape of one of his...ladies and they both had a good portion of someone else's pharmacy on them. Kids- if you're gonna call the cops, ditch your stash. 

759NRNG said:

Mndsm said:

From swmbo- "pastrami is frenching the treat hole!" 

I'm still trying to put all the pieces of this back on the puzzle board.......you may expect another response soon...

You wont get close. 

"Damn you sumbitches got here quick" - Old Ben who ran the county line beer joint to the sheriff's deputy he'd just hit nearly head-on. Circa 1975 Lafayette Co, MS

Wally said:

Everyone hath a plan until they get punthed in the faith-  Mike Tyson

FTFY 

"The more words in your title, the less important you are."

"What we need is not to disagree less, but to disagree better. "

"Disagreement is good because competition is good. Competition lies behind democracy in politics and markets in the economy, which — bounded by the rule of law and morality — bring about excellence. Just as in politics and economics, we need a robust “competition of ideas” — a.k.a. disagreement. Disagreement helps us innovate, improve and find the truth."

Both quotes from an article by Arthur C. Brooks in the NYT

"We could go your way, but my way is 24,000 miles shorter." Me to former girlfriend.

Oh! My possible favorite one- 

"We dont have any that match your....complexion". A nurses deadpan reply when I asked in frustration after my 5th false labor run of we could just have one of the babies in stock and call it good. Ironically, turns out ex-swmbo is with child and....the babies father definitely matches said complexion.  

SWMBO telling me trying jeans in the size she aspired to be ( but was not there yet).

Me: "How did they fit?"

 SWMBO:"Standing room only"

After being asked repeatedly to do complicated financial analysis in way too short a time, I put a sign up by my desk that said:

"Quick

Accurate

Comprehensive 

- Pick Two - "