I could use a laugh

What is the most outrageous thing you've ever done for a laugh. Strap on a helmet and headbutt a wall? Jump into a pool in february wearing a full tux because weddings suck? Painted "free candy" on the side of your van? Been featured on Jackass? lets hear it.

Mine: Got dragged to a sizeable country music show at 17 or so. Had to pee. Venue had old concrete trough urinal which was shoulder to shoulder crammed with wannabe cowboy western types. I squeezed in, tucked my shirt under my chin and dropped my pants and skivvies around my ankles. I didn't get a laugh, but I did get more room.

We (because I had help) got a whole roll of those blue "For rectal use only" stickers shipped to a FOB in Afghanistan and stuck them on a large number of AGM-114s.

Reminds me of an old joke, that had to do with being ugly, a bag over the head, and doing something for laughs.

Way back in 1990 I was bet $5 to streak the campus theater at Georgia Tech. I went into the bathroom outside the main door to strip down, and then with only a bandana over my face and $5 in my hand I walked out only to see that my ex girlfriend was working the door. E36 M3. As I handed her the $5 for my ticket I just had a second to ask her to please not tell who I was then entered and ran down the aisle screaming and out the back door to my waiting friends in the car. I made the campus newspaper and she never told. 

A friend was going to visit family in Italy and didn't want to leave his immaculate Impala SS in his complex parking lot for two weeks so he asked if we would keep it at the body shop and have it detailed for when he got back.  While he was gone I got called to a car fire, a tired bubble Caprice taxi that burned to nothing.  The Sunday he was coming home he asked us to park it in front of the building and lock the keys in it.  I was bored so instead I took the burn victim, sprayed a bit of black over the remaining yellow, hung a red horn from the rearview mirror, and waited for him to come pick up his baby. The reaction when his mother dropped him off was priceless. 

Possibly the funniest thing I've had the pleasure to witness I had nothing to do with.  We were away at a race killing time in the hotel bar talking with some other people we knew when the guys from another team started bitching about a roommate that was a mess. He had a habit of leaving his bag on the floor wherever he dropped it and it would sit there all weekend.  They decided they were going to get someone to piss in it.  They brought this big oaf of a guy we knew up to the room and bet the victim $100 that he could stand in the doorway and go clear across the room out the window.  He takes the bet, the oaf undoes his pants and fills the guy's gym bag.  The roommates feign disbelief saying they watched him do it a few times and can't believe he came up short.  The other guy was super excited that he won an easy hundred until it sinks in that everything he has is now soaked.    

Basejumped off of a moving RV going across a bridge over a river..

way back  in college, I worked at the local Acme Supermarket doing overnights. We stocked shelves and during the summer when the store was open, helped the few customers who wandered in at 3am. Being a dry town, we did not get too many drunks.

Aside from the usual hijinxs, one friday three of came in to get our paycheques and they had this new kid as a bagger. We walked up to him with a roll of shrink wrap and asked him to hold the end. Before he could react we had him straightjacketed in it. This is a busy friday afternoon during the summer. The manager was a good friend and had done night crew in coming up the ranks. He laughed his ass off at the bagger and all he could say was. "I see you met the night crew" as he unwrapped the kid after we had left

When I was on my last deployment in the sand box, I made this sign:

There was literally no vegetation for miles. Just bleached rock and sand.

In 1989, age 21, I bought a 1965 coupe DeVille  from my uncle's Buick dealership in hemet California and drove it back to Michigan ( one hell of a great trip).' when I got back to Flint my future girlfriend and some of her girlfriends would go out in it with me after dark skinny driving. I would be driving buck ass naked with 3-4 naked girls and maybe another guy.  We would go to the car cruise area or a after hours bars and the girls would lean out and ask someone for directions or change for a dollar etc. it was hilarious to see the reactions. In hindsight we are lucky that we didn't get raped or arrested.

May as well pull out some deployment stories. 

I once drew a 20' long penis on a fuel truck which hadn't been washed in months. Two of my co worker female mechanics then further decorated my artwork to make sure everyone knew what it was after egging me on to finish it.

Our most junior mechic then jumped in it in the morning, without doing a walk around, and drove it around the base to the fuel pit. He was pretty pissed when he got back.

Riding a single speed Schwinn tandem bicycle down the 1/4 mile dragstrip at Gainesville International Speedway during the $20XX Challenge with Allen McCrispin ranks pretty high.

One office prank I had a bit of a hand in - we bought a duplicate of a co-worker's keyboard and did a bit of tampering with it. Then one day when everything was ready, I got to work before he did and switched out the keyboard at his desk for this:

High school:

4k clutch dump. In reverse. While moving forward. To impress the head cheerleader.

I got her later when we both worked at the same entertainment establishment. 

The clutch dump, however, shot the driveshaft out into sme guys yard, brike a motor mount, and put the shifter hard enough into my leg to leave a bruis for a month. (70 duster, 360, 4 speed)

Wow, that looks like an unpleasant place. 

In reply to pinchvalve :

Just needs more land speed car, and it wouldn't be so bad

And maybe fewer people trying to kill you...

In high school a friend...maybe more partner in mayhem, there was a group of us that was dangerous together...used to take my box drinks without asking. So one day I expertly filled one up with piss. It looked good as new, but the lack of coldness and pressure in the box tipped him off, anyway we had a good laugh and he stopped taking my drinks that day.

What else? Um...dressing as an alien offering free probes at last year's Challenge cracked people up. The character's speech was inspired by Ignignokt, the big Mooninite.

Most of my humor is verbal or written...

Funniest thing I've ever seen happened in a university biology lab. One of the people in the class was a tough guy with gangsta fashion sense. Sitting on a counter were some preserved dead animals that I'm guessing were about to be thrown out due to the level of decay. One of these things was a very dead snake, coiled up in a pan of formaldehyde. Tough Guy first saw this snake when he was about 3 feet away, and he LOST HIS E36 M3, he leapt across the room and started screaming like a little girl about the deadly dangerous snake. We all had to assure him through pants-wetting laughter that it was quite dead before he would stop screaming.

One of my earliest memories is from the 4th of July when I was five. We were at a friends lighting off bottle rockets (which they used to let five year olds do) After a couple had launched out of the glass coke bottle we were using I noticed it was full of smoke. My understanding of physics and fluid flow was not fully complete, so I tipped it upside down in an attempt to see if it would pour out. An adult saw me do this and laughed. I realized I had the opportunity to ham it up and I shook it like a bottle of catsup. Much laughing ensued. That was the peak of my physical comedy. I've never intentionally gotten a better crowd response. 

Long story, but I once stuck 80 maxi pads on the inside of a friends car. His Mom came out to start his car for him in the morning.

I definitely did an 1/8 drag race with another friend on our BMX bikes. I still have the timeslip somewhere.

Once I took the same bike and tried to ride over a 15 foot sheer drop (it was manmade, not a cliff) and chickened out at the last second and got off. I stood right on the very edge but the bike went very very far.

I launched a rocket engine with no rocket. Don't do that. It goes everywhere but straight, and then clean through your sisters window.

Great stuff everyone! Keep it coming.

Also, thinking back. Don't try to break a watermelon over your head. It won't end well. If you do succeed, please post video.

Also, also. If you plan on leaving a "deposit" somewhere, make sure you have your tp situation figured out first or the laughing will be for the wrong reason. Though I bet it was very funny watching me jump off that wall at half mast because nobody would get the napkins out of the car for me.

In reply to tuna55 :

One of my previous jobs we used to remove the stick from bottle rockets and toss them under doors of occupied bathrooms. Great fun.

It was funny for us: we psyched a friend up for his 21st birthday for weeks, we all pitched in about $20 each, then dropped him off at the gay bar (he didn't know it was a gay bar, just thought it was somewhere that wouldn't card the underage in the group) in town "run in, get a table and the first round, we'll be in when we park".  Took about 30 minutes before he realized where he was and why all the women were ignoring him. 

Funny for me: I used to have to drive the pettybone between job sites which meant down the highway. At a top speed of 17 (30 in neutral downhill but that was wickedly scary). It was stuck in crab mode one day, so I got to drive down the highway, sideways, boom half extended. I think it would be funnier with pictures, but looking down into all the peasants cars and seeing the fear in their faces was priceless. 

I got sick of all the lighter thieves in my old group of friends so I bought a shocking lighter to give them when they asked. Fell for it every single time. 

In reply to pinchvalve :

It wasn't bad. The chow hall food was probably the most dangerous aspect. That and the heat.

Not my pic but taken the same time I was there.

It wasn't intentionally done for a laugh, but when I woke up, my friend was rolling on the ground laughing. I've only been knocked out (from a punch) once:

I played baseball in high school and had a catcher's mitt with a handy radar detector laced on the back that could give relatively accurate pitch speed readings. One day I had a friend over who didn't play baseball. After a few throws he got a little discouraged at how slow he threw for being such a large dude. "I'll bet I can punch way faster than that. Will this thing measure a punch?" he says. I stupidly replied "Uh, yeah I guess so." I held up the glove. Next thing I knew I was opening my eyes on the ground and he was rolling around laughing and cradling his hand. He had 100% missed the glove.

I should tell some of my brother's stories. He has done far dumber things than me. His adventures include: Keeping an alligator as a pet in his college dorm room for months, having to take pyromaniac therapy classes after shooting fireworks off in the same dorm, and sneaking into what he believes to be one of the personal offices of a certain current president.

I love to do practical jokes.  My ex brother-in-law did marine construction. Really manly man type guy. He was doing a job near me so one day at lunch I snuck up to his SUV and put on two fathers from the family stick figures you see on the back window of cars. I even made them holding hands. Later I found out that he didn't notice for a couple of days but he did notice that people would honk horns at him and some people flew him birds. When he finally noticed it he went off the deep end.  He just knew it was someone at work, they said he was hell to work with that day. He called me cause I was friends with a bunch of them to see if I could find out who it was.  Me dying of laughter gave it away.  He swore he would get me back but he never did. 

Stampie said:

  He swore he would get me back but he never did. 

if he's not dead yet, you should still do walk-arounds pretty frequently.

football tailgate, fall 1990, one of the very few cute girls in our engineering student circle hands me her camera (film, not digital), and runs off to the bathroom.   naturally i take a picture of my junk, not realizing that the tail of my very distinctive rugby shirt is in frame.  so about a month later i walk into a party with these same people, girlfriend of 7 years in tow.   every girl at the party walks up, kisses me, grabs my package, and says something dirty.  my friends and i were rolling.   the girlfriend of 7 years, not so much.

it was worth it.