HELP! OBD2 Port not working...

So SWMBO's previous daily driver has been sitting for a little over 3 years now. I really would like it to go, but there's a major hang up keeping us from being able to easily sell it... Actually make that two. The first is that it's interior has become some sort of hybrid between an unorganized 20-something females closet, and a garbage dumpster. I refuse to assist in remedying that.

The major one is that the instrument cluster is lit up like a Christmas tree, and I have no way of reading/clearing the codes causing this.

The details:

-2008 Jeep Patriot 4x4 CVT
-It had some really bad rear wheel bearings, which have since been replaced
-The car is throwing at least one ABS code, which illuminates both the ABS and CEL lights and disables ABS, cruise control and 4x4, which also have their own lights. I'm sure I need to replace at least one ABS sensor somewhere, but would like to know where
-If you plug an OBD2 scanner into the port, nothing happens. I've tried multiple scanners.
-Yes, I know you can do the "key dance", but that doesn't give ABS codes
-The car has a "professionally" installed aftermarket remote start, which was having some trouble until we replaced the battery about 6 months before it came off the road. It works fine now (when the battery has a charge). I've seen some manuals out there that direct installers to tap into the diag. ports power for these. But if that were the case, wouldn't the remote start not work either?
-If you put a voltmeter in the power pin on the OBD2 port, it shows 3.33V and then slowly drops
-I've checked all fuses and they were all good
-Everything else seems to work fine

Before I track down a schematic and really do some digging here, does anyone know of any common causes, or areas I should really focus on first?

Any other way to read ABS codes without a scanner?

Should I just say berkeley it and buy the two rear ABS sensors, replace them and hope the thing fires up code free? Or will they still need to be cleared even if I indeed replace the faulty sensor(s)?

I just figure this thing is going to be easier and more lucrative to sell if it has a light free instrument cluster and working 4x4 and cruise. Just trying to spend as little time and money as possible to get it that way, if I can.

Those symptoms make me think that the computer network is down- ECU sounds dead- but probably due to the power being out.  Get rid of the remote start, and rewire it back to totally stock.

One question- with all of the lights, do you see a digital ODO reading?  Not sure about Chrysler, but on our cars, if that's blank, the ECU is dead.  And since they almost never die on their own, it's most likely a power system problem.

Find the k data line coming out of the ecu tap into it there and just use alligator clips for the power and ground. If needed go to the junk yard to liberate a obd2/dlc port from a vehicle.

Not sure about Mopars, but a lot of earlier OBD2 vehicles had a fused lead for the powered pin on the ALDL.  Just saying check the easy stuff first.

In reply to Curtis :

I was going to say the same... on some Fords it shares the power point socket fuse... which is easily blown.

On my FRS I had this problem after multiples times of using the OBDII port.  Basically the damn thing was pretty flimsy and does not hold up well to plugging in for tunes and track events (Solo DL, etc.).  So basically it ook some work to repin the port so the contacts are more snug again, and now I basically just use an extension that stays on it all the time (and if the extension ever needs to be replaced it'll be a cheap $10).  Try to see if that works for you - may not be your issue but it's free!!   :)

Find wiring schematic, determine where ALDL gets power, and then determine what went wrong with it.  Usually it's an accessory fuse that's shared with the power ports. Why does it have 3.33v? Dont know, but it's usually a pretty simple circuit so i think it'll be easy to figure out once you know where that power is supposed to come from.