"I've got an angle grinder and a welder." - And other excuses to do crazy things...

A thread for you guys to provide your favorite 'tool-based' excuses for resolving problems.

Example:

I suggested to my wife that swapping a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow body onto an F150 chassis would be easy.

Mrs. RR, "Easy is not easy, with you."

RR, "I've got an angle grinder and a welder. What else do I need?"

Mrs. RR, "That can't be an excuse for every crazy thing you want to do!"

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Which prompted me to think...what other tool-based excuses do I need to justify the crazy things I want to do. I'm thinking,

"I've got a Dremel and a claw hammer. What else do I need?"

"I've got a sledge hammer and a busted screwdriver. We can make it work."

"I've got a computer and some programming skills. Hacking the database will be as easy as in the movies."*

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*I've never hacked into a database (to my knowledge).

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What have you got GRMers? I'm looking forward to a few gems.

"Don't need to stop and ask for directions, I have a dick and a map to the world"

not a specific tool, more an attitude. i think i read it on this forum:

"it's just metal."

combined with my friend Round Greg's mantras:

"It's already broken." and "if i can't fix it, i can berkeley it up so bad it *can't* be fixed!"

I have a welder, a rabbit's foot, and no fear of failure. 

Thats my favorite saying. 

The second favorite is "one of two things is gonna happen.  Either it_____ or it don't. Ain't got E36 M3 to lose either way!" Stole that from my 75 year old father..   

NOHOME said:

"Don't need to stop and ask for directions, I have a dick and a map to the world"

If you don't know where you are going, any direction will take you there.

One of mine is: "I can pay a professional to berkeley it up, or I can berkeley it up myself for free."

On my business card is: "I have a Sawzall and a Welder, and I ain't afraid of either."

I have a lathe. a mill and the willingness to fail trying.

There is nothing you can't do with the right tools and a open mind.

These tools don't have a brain, you will have to use yours. I had some bumper stickers made with this. 

I have an open spot in my driveway and know how to fill it.

"I have chocolate milk (it wasn't chocolate milk but let's keep it PG) and lotsa problems, hand me my welding helmet we're racing tomorrow."

"Baby if you want this turbo on that car imma need that saw" 

"What am I looking at?" 

"Geo Storm LMP"

"How?"

"Welding and lots of it" 

Nothin you can't fix with brute force and ignorance!

"There are 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses"

SkinnyG (Forum Supporter) said:

"There are 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses"

Hit it. 

I'll either fix it or screw it up so bad nobody can. 

If I can't fix it, it ain't broke. 

I have a BFH named Hamlet. (big freaking hammer) just in case.

I told a maintenance man the other day, "tell me what you fixed, so I can repair that and find out what the real problem is". 

One of my father's, "Everything is a hammer if you use it right." I have a lot of Crescent wrenches that were his with hammer marks to prove that. I'm pretty sure his favorite hammer was a 10" Crescent. 

One I actually use with my students when teaching, "Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently." (Henry Ford). 

I've never really figured out how to do the "more intelligently" part though. 

 

I like to say "Mistakes were made" after any task that went poorly, or one that went well, or after eating too much food.