DaewooOfDeath said:
Got the paperwork for the white Miata today. It'll be delivered later this week.
Hahaha, okay, so this was a massive lie.
First, the local government decided to unapprove the "stamp seal" they previously approved. They did this in secret because secrets are more exciting. This stamp seal is necessary for pretty much all major transactions. More on this later.
Then the local casino that promised I could rent a parking spot - you need a registered parking spot before you can buy a car in Japan - withdrew their promise. This meant I had to find another parking place, which I did, which is run through a local real estate office. I went to the office, did the paperwork - which took a week to process - and became the proud renter of about 3 square meters of gravel.
I did the paperwork the Miata owner required and sent it to him. Unfortunately the owner decided I needed a parking registration certificate that only exists in Hiroshima Prefecture, and that causes terror and confusion for the people in far away (and by far away I mean 30 minutes) Yamaguchi Prefecture, where I live. So I went to the realtor to get this special Hiroshima parking certificate and they informed me that they would, under no circumstances, fill out such terrifying paperwork. The guy who owns the car, likewise, would under no circumstances accept anything except the terrifying Hiroshima paperwork.
I solved this problem by going to the local police station and registering the parking spot with them, directly. This process results in a different type of paperwork that, while still exotic, terrifying, and alien to the people in far away Hiroshima Prefecture, is somewhat less intimidating. Intense negotiations followed upon this and the current owner, in an act of massive personal bravery, overcame his crippling fear and accepted the police department certificate.
At this point, I just needed to go to City Hall and register the purchase of the car with my stamp seal. Full of excitement, I approached the window and addressed the nice lady. I showed her my stamp seal, and showed her the official documents (including my entire banking history in Japan) that the previously registered stamp seal had allowed me to do. She frowned, and informed me that after approving the stamp seal six months ago, City Hall had decided to unapprove it. You see, they had originally wanted my stamp seal written in Katakana (one of the three Japanese alphabets) for ease of understanding. However, fear and terror had overcome someone in City Hall, and this person decided that understanding was less important than my stamp seal matching the name on my passport. Therefore, the stamp seal was no longer approved.
I pointed out that this was entirely City Hall's fault, and that I really wanted to get my paperwork done before the heat death of the universe occured. The nice lady informed me that it was all very unfortunate, but that I needed to make a new stamp seal, and that I needed to re-register this seal. She then informed me that she wasn't sure exactly how much of my name in English was required for the stamp seal, and that if I guessed wrong, they would reject me again. Also, the registration process would be finished within 2 weeks, assuming I guessed right on the stamp seal spelling. Obviously, if I guessed wrong, the rejection would be done in secret, and the process would start over whenever I Sherlock Holmes-style deduced the problem.
I took a taxi to the seal maker's shop so we could get a new one made before everything closed for the day. I decided the most likely acceptable engraving would have my entire name, just like my passport. At this point I should explain that the typical stamp seal is 10 millimeters in diameter. My full name is 21 characters long, if you include spaces. There is no engraving machine that can fit that much crap onto a 10 mm diameter stamp and make it legible. So I took the chance they would prefer my full name on an 18 mm stamp, and returned the next day to City Hall.
I was beginning to feel irritable at this point, and decided that things might go better if my friends at City Hall began to feel a little bit of the confusion and chaos I was experiencing. As such, I decided to draw up a detailed document listing all the things I suspected they would berkeley up next, all the things I expected they wouldn't know for sure, and all the things I needed to verify. I could have written this in English, but some of the people at City Hall can read English, a little bit. I wanted them to feel fear and confusion, and I knew from experience none of them can read Korean. So I wrote my list in Korean.
Then, when I arrived at City Hall, I presented my list and pointed to a part, helpfully written in a language they couldn't understand, and explained that "this is where you, the person who is taking responsibility for my process, and who will work tirelessly to fix any mistakes that happen to be made, shall sign your name." The immediate look of fear and confusion - lovely. It seemed as if someone was finally beginning to understand the importance of getting things write the first - or in this case, third - time.
Mrs. Kato, I learned from her signature, then signed a scary looking document the contents of which she could not understand. I smiled at Mrs. Kato, and ran down the list of things I expected her to berkeley up. We needed to check that my full name, in English, with the family name first, was acceptable. We needed to check that the 18 mm diameter stamp was acceptable. We needed to understand that I would be occupying my little window at the service desk until I got my seal certificate, and that if we insisted on the normal two weeks for processing the documents, I would come back every single day and block a service desk, consulting with as many staff members as possible to ensure the process would go smoothly. I did this as politely as possible, and with a smile so that Mrs. Kato would understand I'm really her friend. But I also explained the importance of avoiding the mistakes of the past, and reminded her of her signature, so that we could all move forward together, as a team.
Mrs. Kato, feeling a mixture of anxiety and confusion, relayed my list of expected problems to her boss, who also began to feel anxiety, and soon half of the City Hall staff had gathered in the back corner of the office. They returned after about 5 minutes. They were delighted to inform me that they'd found a way to check my name on the stamp, and that everything would be fine. They were equally delighted to report that the normal two week processing time could be waived, and that if I would please just take the official approval, the seal certificate, and the new plastic card certifying the completion of my registration, they would waive the normal processing fee. Also, please, please go away, you're scaring everyone.
I thanked Mrs. Kato for her kind attentions and promised to take all of my paperwork to her, personally, going forward. I complimented her excellent, efficient work to her supervisor, accepted my miraculously expedited documents, and then, just for that bit more fear and anxiety, make the cashier sign the Korean document signifying that she had indeed accepted payment for a different piece of paperwork I needed for another issue and would accept responsibility for any slip ups going forward.
And so today, this morning, I received new documents from the guy selling the white Miata. Assuming nothing else goes wrong, I will have reached the exact point I thought I was at on November 2nd. Ie, ready to buy the car.
But I shouldn't complain. After all, I now own the world's fattest, officially approved stamp seal.
