My Impala isn't selling. Get your photoshop skills ready

I need another car project like I need a dead hooker in my trunk, but I figured we could have fun daydreaming.

96 Impala SS.  I got tons of lowball offers and one guy who said he would give me $3500 if he could sell someone to get the cash... I'm assuming crack or meth.

So what should I do with it?  I have a line on a possible inexpensive roller from one of you fine folks that I could use to make one car out of two.  Hillclimb?  Autocross?  Custom sled with flat brown paint and fuzzy dice?  8v92 Detroit? 6" box flares and a cage?  Hooner?  AWD conversion?

Suggest below, and if you feel inclined, photoshop your idea.

Clean the rims better?

Compound/ polish out the paint. 

Have you tried the ridiculous ad yet? Some of those work. I'm talking about those absurd ads that look like a 90's used car ad.

rallycross

I would tell David Freiberger about it, because he loves those cars and I do not. 

You could trade it to me for a Baja Bug.

I'd probably do a lot of what this guy did if it was me. 

That thing would be worth more with straight panels in the wrong paint color than it is now. Maybe just find a cheap wagon (with a straight body...) and do an SS conversion on it. 

Land speed racer.  Got a friend that wants to do that to his 1994 Impala SS.  I also have a 94 SS.  Mine might be a better candidate for it.  His is clean, lower mileage and has a ton of mods.  Mine, mostly stock with 264k miles on it.  Lower mileage and clean, stock cars can go for good money.  Our cars, not so much.  If anything did happen to mine, I'd probably swap the drivetrain into something else like my truck or something mid-late 70s gm.

My photochop skills are weak today, but stay with me here...BBS racing wheels, a big old spoiler, and maybe flare the fenders a bit. IMSA GT style road racer.

Those things have pretty significant tow capacities don't they? Would be a very cool tow vehicle.

Vortec 8.1 swap

Yeah, I think I'd start cruising car-part.com for straight panels.  Not sure what the best path forward is for the rest of the paint.  Detailing the wheels, trim and interior seems smart.  I think I wouldn't park it on grass if I was going to have people come look at it.  Seems like something you'd do if it didn't run.

If it’s gotta go, then drop your price, take your beating and move on. 

Fixing it up is worse than a dead hooker in the trunk. It’s trying to make the dead hooker beautiful so she can be loved again. 

That’s like looking for a date in the morgue. 

Move on. 

Clarify:  Do you think $3500 is not enough, or you think there is no hope of him finding that much money?

I'd laugh all the way to the bank if I got 3500 for that.  

In reply to SVreX :

Yes. 100% agree with Paul. And that doesn't happen very often.

Dump it no matter the financial loss.

TIL that the bottom fell out of Impala SS futures.

Agreed with both Paul and Indy.  (both of who I agree with quite often, but apparently not at the same time?)


If you have to get the last possible dollar on it, then I would wait for spring.  But $3500 will be a stretch, even then.

Where have I been?  Under a rock apparently.  I thought these were desirable.  Last time I checked these were $$$$.  Admittedly it’s been awhile.

Wait a minute..."sell someone?" Like, as in sell a person? 

I wish I had the space to park another B-body sized vehicle, or I'd probably try to lowball you as well, but my current fleet/parking situation really isn't conducive to adding a large automobile. Plus I already have another mid-90s GM project that needs to be finished.

If it were me, though, I think I'd throw a Sloppy style turbo LS at it, crank the boost to full send, and have a sweet hoon mobile that could maybe also do some drag racing every once in a while.

I may be the outlier here, and December in PA is not the time to do such s thing outdoors, but I feel like a solid weekend cleaning, waxing, polishing from tires to roof would really help the value a good bit versus the $100ish in materials it would take.

Who knows, you get it all shined up you might even want to keep it. 

They are still somewhat desirable.   

But this one is pretty rough, considering what you can get for $3500.

Will it make a cross country trip?

Why swap to an LS?  Didn’t we just learn a month or so ago that the fastest stick shifted F body on the planet was a turbo’d LT1 like what’s in this one?