One year.

One year. Today marked one year since our daughter passed. One year since we got to kiss her and walked out of that hospital room together. One year of waking up at the slightest sound, or no sound, wondering if you need to check on her for a split second, only to realize that no, you don’t need to check on her. One year in which every day seemed like an eternity, yet holding her in my arms still feels like yesterday. The pain is still there. Still just as intense. But moments of joy and laughter are coming back more and more. They last a little longer each time, too.

Everyone, go hug your kids tonight; if you can, Your parents, siblings, spouses too. Or at least call them, if you can. (or tomorrow if they’re already in bed-it’s late)

Oops, meant to put this in off topic. 

I'm so sorry.

I can't even imagine.  I have three girls, the youngest was born in June, the older two are 7 and 10.   I work evenings so I get home around midnight and make my rounds to kiss them all goodnight.  When one decides to crawl in bed with mom or sleep on the couch and they aren't in they're bed where I'm expecting them to be, a small panic shoots through you until you find them.  

I truly hope you have something to take your mind off of it.  I know I can't offer any suggestions though.

I think of Angela often. I feel terror when my 2 year old wakes up with a barking cough crying and can't be comforted. I check her temperature and worry worry and then treasure her weight in my arms and breath on my neck. I'm sitting with her now she has an ear infection and we've not gotten much sleep this week and I wish you could have that with Angela. I'm deeply sorry for your pain. I feel it with you. 
 

we lost our first to a miscarriage. Nothing compared to what you went through and continue to go through but I still think of her often. I think she would have been 6 now. We've been unbelievably fortunate to have two healthy brilliant kids but I still miss her. 
 

it won't go away. Ever. But I hope you can find your ways to get back to being human. I can't believe it's been a year. 

Thanks everyone. We actually had a miscarriage as well, before Angela, but it was only at about 6 weeks - 9 days after whatever the earliest you can find out. That was hard, but since we hadn’t even been to the doctor yet we knew not to get our hopes up as it is extremely common. My mom commented that looking back, she thinks she had one but back in the 80’s there was no way of knowing if she was even pregnant that early.

 Some happy news: Angela’s sister will be here in March. To say we’re terrified is an understatement. But more-so we are grateful. Not to mention beyond excited.

If you’re like us and believe in a higher power and some sort of life after death, we think that Angela was involved. We had unprotected sex once, and it should have been impossible at that point in my wife’s cycle to become pregnant. Obviously the scientific version of that story is that it is just unlikely, not impossible, but the odds make me believe that someone was looking out for us. Especially when we realized that the c-section will be on my late grandmothers birthday - my grandmother who also lost a child. 

So sorry Mtn.

Sending good vibes your way.

I'm sorry buddy.

But I'm happy for what's coming your way.

A lot like DCulberson, I think about you guys and Angela and what you all went through from time to time, especially when I'm holding my 18 month old. I definitely hold a little tighter and a little longer on those occasions.

She'll always be a part of your lives, but I'm glad to hear that there's a bit less sadness and a bit more joy creeping back in. Hoping for wonderful things for you and the family moving forward!

I've known folks who have lost their babies and folks who have gone through hell with premature births.  I can't imagine the anguish and terror.  I'm not sure I'd be entirely sane if I had to go through it.  My hat is off to you and Ms. mtn.  You have my deepest condolences and my sincerest best wishes for the future.

wow man.  It's already been a year.  I'm very sorry you had to go through such a horrifc loss.  I'm very hopeful for your future and thankful for the news of the new little one.  Best of luck.

I don't have any unique words to convey how much it hurts to hear about your daughter.  My wife has had 5 miscarriages, and this brings a lot back.

I am so sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine.  Blessings on your new arrival....

If you've seen Ford v Ferrari:

I'm not good with words, but I can offer you a big wrench.

PS I know you're terrified but also try to be excited. I'm excited for you!

I often think of Angela and you guys. Hope you get the healing you need. 

Gosh. Not sure what to say, except...my mom had two miscarriages before she had me and my sister. I wish all the best for the arrival of your new child. Although it won't erase the hurt, it can ease it. No one can predict how things will go, but hopefully the future will be bright for you and your family.

In reply to mtn :

I will pray for you and your family. I can not possibly know what you have had to feel. My son has been fighting since before he was born and still has a long long fight to go. I hope you are getting help, expecially your wife, with processing the PTSD associated with those repeative emotional events at night. I still have a hard time with the sound of medical equipment alarms and its been two years from when he last needed them. 

Nothing new to say that hasn't been said, but just know you're in my prayers for both the past and the future.

I'm so sorry for your loss. This one hit home really hard, since it very well could have been me. My best wishes to you and your wife.

/T.