Ok, the recent Kia/Hyundai fiasco has finally got me up off my lazy butt to do something I've been contemplating for a while. Write my purely subjective reviews/comments on the automotive appliances called rentals I use on a weekly basis. Besides the overarching goal of entering dorkdom, which was going to happen sometime in 2056 at my current rate of posting, it would allow me to get my usually negative rental impressions off my chest. This first one will be a bit long, just to give you an idea of the timidity with which I operate a rental (also known as driving style). I would say comments/criticisms are invited, but really, could I stop you? So, as we approach the end of the year, my nomination for worst rental of the year must go to the ........drrruuummmm rolllll....Kia Soul!!!!
So I get this pile of lizard dribble because I have specifically asked for an economy rental. Going to put about 700 miles on it in the next twenty four hours without leaving the state (thanks Florida, you unerect thingy shaped state). This gutless wretch of an automobile seemed to have no linear throttle response. Off the line (the line being any traffic light) it was press the gas....press a little more...glance down to see if I'm pressing some mystical third pedal....press harder....Wheelspin!! Makes everyone think I was texting and got caught out not paying attention to the light. Lots of disapproving looks from soccer moms who immediately go back to their much better coordinated texting activities. "What a novice," they think.
I head out to my favorite piece of "oh god can any road be this boring" road, I-10. A couple hours later I've hit the death road I-75, and make my first stop in Ocala. Hmmm...gas gauge a bit low, but I chalk it up to my belief that no matter how close to full the previous renter brings a car back, employees siphon off enough for their personal vehicles to just keep it on the "F" before you take it out. So I always discount the first run till I top it up, well past the full mark. I don't usually top up on this run till I am in Clermont, just outside Orlando, as that has the cheapest gas with my Walmart discount on a run like this, but I go ahead and do it to check the mileage.
I am fairly consistent on my runs, and imagine myself traveling between 73 and 78 mph on the interstate. Part of my deal with Karma, to atoll for the 135 I might have done elsewhere. So I continue my run down to Clermont and stop at the Walmart to fill up and check the mileage. A calculator on the phone is cool (yes, I am an info age caveman), but I had to blink twice when I see the mileage calculation. So I did it again. It actually matched the digital indicator in the car which I swore was malfunctioning. 23.4 mpg? Really? In a frigging economy car?!!! A frigging four cylinder?!!!! Tall and boxy you say? The Chevy Suburban I had a few weeks before gave me 20.2 and could fit this thing in the back of it!!!
And why even bother with a liftgate if the back area can only hold one grocery bag? O.K., two. And a tootsie roll. And that C pillar is as wide as a greek column. Doesn't look it from the outside thanks to the clever use of glass, but you really feel it on the inside. I hated surface street driving that thing, as the errant throttle response kept me annoyed all day. Seats were a C, with not a lot of lateral support or damping, and not a lot of aft movement. And I'm only 5'11". Anyway, I raised hell when I got back and they took $15 off the one day rental. So there is my Kia Soul rant. More to come.
