SAY WHAT?

NONE OF THE RADIO BUTTONS DO NOT WORK PLEASE CHECK 

Reminds me of the alignment check I was given with the note "Pulls right, drifts left".

Never did find out what they thought pull and drift meant.

Or the backwoods PA guy we had working with us who, told to bring a car into the building, walked back and said "She cranks but she won't turn over."  The service manager responded with a capital-WH "What???"

All part of the well known "Chevy Shake"

Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

  - Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

 - Took hammer away from midget.

"My video is blue and blue on the thing." (Source)

Pete. (l33t FS) said:

"She cranks but she won't turn over." 

I hear that ish all the time.  CL and FB are rife with it.

Robbie (Forum Supporter) said:

All part of the well known "Chevy Shake"

I'm told that you can tell. What can you tell? No freaking idea

Customer: "Brakes are making scraping noises"

I jack up car, take off wheel, the flat surfaces of the rotor are gone.  Just the cooling fins are left and very shiny, pad is gone, just metal backing plate, piston is leaking and about to fall out.

Customer: "Is this going to cost a lot to fix?"  -  

What?

Repair Order says "Customer wants opinion on the brakes"

Okay, they should replace them.

"What are the measurements?"

Ten millimeters of pad

"That's brand new."

Well, he wanted an opinion. If he wants the facts, they're perfectly fine.

Pilot squawks vs. Maintenance 

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce the problem on the ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
S: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce the problem on the ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
S: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.

In reply to Appleseed :

On the flight line in the AF the rule was if we didn't write up their stupidity they would just owe us a 6 pack when we pointed it out to them.  Like the pilot who's Rad Alt wasn't working and I reached across him and flipped the switch to on.  His only response was to ask me what kind of beer I drank.

I got this love letter from a customer. I read it, just kind of stared for a second, handed to my service manager who then read it and burst out laughing and said "I think this guy needs to get laid more." By the way, this was all just to tell me why that the car was there for a Check Engine Light.

In reply to NickD :

I read "blah blah blah life story, has a failing injector"

Pete. (l33t FS) said:

In reply to NickD :

I read "blah blah blah life story, has a failing injector"

I like that he put a MAF in it. Every wannabe mechanic customer always throws a MAF at a Check Engine Light as one of their first darts, and honestly, I can't recall the last time I put in a MAF to fix a vehicle. Also, while I suspect failing injector, I threw a BG Fuel Induction Service and the ol' Italian Tune-Up at it. He may not have ever gone above 50% throttle, but I'm pretty sure oncoming traffic could see my foot sticking out of the grille.

Also from r/justrolledintotheshop cones this gem. Holy E36 M3, take your meds, folks

In reply to NickD :

I've replaced a couple 3.8 MAFs that would fail the tap test, and a lot of Amazon sourced MAFs from DIY parts throwers.  Nothin' more fun than having to undo the fallout of hanging garbage parts so that you can diagnose the actual problem.

"What do you MEAN a new MAF is $500? I paid only $60 for that one!"  Yeah... and it's garbage.  If you want one that works correctly, it's $500.

When I was working as a tech at a Ford dealership in the '80s I had a customer who was convinced that there was something seriously wrong with his new automatic transmission equipped Bronco II because the tachometer needle kept going up and down.  When the service writer tried to explain what a tachometer was and how it worked he was sure that he was being fed a line so we wouldn't have to fix what was obviously a serious problem.

I spent over an hour with him demonstrating with a hand held tach, my personal truck with a tach and auto trans and a manual transmission equipped vehicle that yes, that's really what a tachometer is supposed to be doing. He was also the most terrifying driver I've ever ridden with.

NickD said:

Also from r/justrolledintotheshop cones this gem. Holy E36 M3, take your meds, folks

I wonder if he wanted the ECU or the chassis replaced.

In reply to NickD :

That letter, the first one, is incredible. He gives you details of a ding on the car!  Clearly not as acutely mentally ill as the second one, but something's not right nonetheless.

I so, so don't want to meet these... people.

I got a work order one time that said, "This maternal fornicator, (paraphrased) , does not run right." I asked the service writer what he was thinking writing that on the ticket and he said the boss told them in the meeting that morning to write down exactly what the customer said. So he did. I fixed the fornicator and he ended up in the bosses office. 

In reply to drock25too :

I had a work order that just said "Car is full of updog."

One of my service techs left their van keys on my desk with a note that said "service #3 is leaking coolant and pulls to the right" I grab the keys and go out to take a look and I am met with most of a dead deer in the grill and fender. 

Repair order: customer wants hubcaps aligned. I brought car in, inspected hubcap installation, nothing incorrect, completed remaining items on repair order.

Road tester/customer delivery person comes into shop with huge smile on his face. Customer started yelling as soon as he approached car in delivery lane. He wanted all of the emblems in the center of the hubcap to be in the same position when the car was parked. (Just like new Porsche and BMW display cars at car shows)