Share Your Jaw Dropper Things Someone Said With a Straight Face

This is back in 1966 or so....

One of my classmates told me that Corvairs were 4 cylinder cars....because they are rear engined!

Maybe the first time in my life I did not engage with stupid!

Rog

The SR-71 is too hot to touch when it lands.

We had first shift tell the guy who wrote code for our valve body test bench that valve bodys will pass with incorrect pistons. They will also pass with missing pistons. The Germansspent millions designing these parts, and you can get them to pass jacked up like that? Who knew?

In reality, it was to try and cover their ass for falsely reporting inflated numbers.

In the middle of doing an examination on an elderly couple's dog, the man informs me that men have one fewer ribs than women.

In reply to Floating Doc (Forum Supporter) :

Well yeah, where do you think women come from....the stork?

Some guy in THIS VERY THREAD just had the balls to come out and claim 1993 was 30 years ago. 

That math doesn't work. 

Working in an electronics service center. An older woman brings in a CD player (think it was either a Nakamichi or a Yamaha, I don't remember) 

The complaint is that it skips. We run the heck out of it for a week and never duplicate the issue. 

She comes to pick it up and mentions "my daughter is good with this sort of thing, she said knots in my speaker cables might be making the notes bunch up." 

I know this story is hard to believe, and feels faintly misogynistic, but I was there, I heard it all firsthand. I encountered far more dudes with a little knowledge and a lot of overconfidence who were much worse to deal with over the years...

We had a sales manager that would say irregardless all the time and then he'd throw down something being a mute point instead of saying a moot point. 

Usually two or three of us would look over at each other but maintain the straightest face we could. 

My former boss, short little Italian guy from Brooklyn who strongly resembled a meaner 'George' from Seinfeld, called all sports cars or sporty cars or fast cars 911's.  Corvettes, Ferraris, real 911's...to him they were all 911s.  And he would say it not only with a straight face but with supreme confidence.  Seemed like the kind of guy who'd come up with a term like 'oil canning'.  

Me, glancing out the window in the kitchen. "It's raining".
My former wife, dead serious. "Outside?"      
                                                                                                   
  Me, choking back sarcasm. "Yes".

Mndsm said:

Some guy in THIS VERY THREAD just had the balls to come out and claim 1993 was 30 years ago. 

 

That math doesn't work. 

I turn 40 in a week, suddenly all of the math has a couple extra decades in it. For example, the 350Z is old enough to drink.

I worked with someone who reported getting seasick over the weekend. I told her that the cure was to lay on your back, under a tree. 
 

"Oh, does that work?" 
 

Yes, every time. 

What time do we need to be there - me

Well, I need to get a shower first - her.

What in the holy berkeley.

I've got lots of these sort of "say what" dumb things.  I just can't think of any of them at the moment.  Will report back when I'm less scared of a coilspring hitting me in the nuts with spring compressors on it (even though that was 1 hour ago).

As I'm looking in his dog's ear with an otoscope, guy asked me if I can see both sides from there. I had to quickly swallow a grin when I realized that he wasn't making a good joke. 

I also considered for the briefest of moments telling him, "No, but your doctor can."

Guy who had served in the military, maybe the Air Force, during Vietnam tried telling me that 5.56x45mm rounds from the M16 start to tumble end-over-end as soon as they leave the barrel. I tried to explain that that's not how bullets work, but he would not believe me.

Guy working for us who was older than me by 20 years is standing at the bosses toolbox with the drawer open and a 7/16 socket in his hand.

Says to me "where does this go?"

I replied "I would think it fits in that empty space between the 3/8 and the 1/2".

Looking at a customer's truck I had towed to my shop last week with a complaint that he had changed the cap and rotor but now the truck was misfiring and wouldn't stay running.

I found the starter was not bolted to the block, battery wire was not connected, one bolt was sheared off in the block and the other hole was missing because he'd cracked the mounting ear 

Called him and told him what I found.

He replied "it was starting just fine but wouldn't stay running".

I told him "if you're not completely straight with me about what you've done to this thing, it will cost a lot more"

He repeated that it was starting just fine for him even though I tried to explain that was physically impossible. 

Finally I told him it was too broken to fix and he needed to get it out of my yard.

I hate dealing with stoners.

My fault for trying to help a guy.

I don't remember what led up to this now because it was probably close to a decade ago, but me and my boss (IT manager) were in his office on a phone call with a guy from what I later learned, to no surprise, was a little hellhole of an IT shop that wanted to impress upon us the immense costs of hosting some super-trivial thing, I think a static mockup website?

What I do remember is that in his fiery and impassioned speech on all the ways that hosting this cost money, he mentioned the cost of the electricity to run the server, and even though electricity was relatively costly there, when he said that it wasn't enough to keep us from looking at each other like

Mndsm said:

Some guy in THIS VERY THREAD just had the balls to come out and claim 1993 was 30 years ago. 

 

That math doesn't work. 

I agree with you 100%.

My wife:  "Do you have any duct tape in the garage?"

Me:  

Javelin said:

Mndsm said:

Some guy in THIS VERY THREAD just had the balls to come out and claim 1993 was 30 years ago. 

 

That math doesn't work. 

I turn 40 in a week, suddenly all of the math has a couple extra decades in it. For example, the 350Z is old enough to drink.

My drivers license is older than you.

Management told us how much they appreciated our hard work and sacrifices this year.  How our work had made a huge difference in customer satisfaction and public perception.  That we would be rewarded for all that we had done.

The email came out after they sent us our Christmas bonus. Some complimentary products that we sell. Actual retail value, $85.00.

berkeleyers

Floating Doc (Forum Supporter) said:

As I'm looking in his dog's ear with an otoscope, guy asked me if I can see both sides from there. I had to quickly swallow a grin when I realized that he wasn't making a good joke. 

I also considered for the briefest of moments telling him, "No, but your doctor can."

 

I've got at least one cat I'm fairly convinced you can. 

When the swivel joint on the arm of our decant tank went bad, our boss decided to have us replace the cable that we used to raise and lower it while we were at it.  It ran from the winch that was about three feet off the ground, up to a pulley at the top, to the top of the arm.  The swivel point for the arm was about three feet as well, and the arm could lay horizontal in the tank if it had to.  He reckoned that since the tank was 40', 50' of cable would be sufficient...

From a customer at a store in West Texas:  "Do you take cash from New Mexico?"