What practical but fun car with an insanely weird set of specific requirements?

I'm stuck in analysis paralysis trying to narrow down the field for my next DD. We have a new-to-us Expedition in the garage that I'm currently driving but is destined for my wife. It replaced my F-150 and is now the official hauler, tower, and people carrier. Her Taurus X is getting long in the tooth, and I'd like to replace it with something a bit more entertaining but still kinda practical. Here are my ridiculous parameters:

• Midsize or larger sedan/wagon/hatch. No compacts, nothing smaller than, say, a 3-series. I'm a fat, middle-aged guy and I want to be comfortable and I want a decent amount of space. A folding rear seat is a big bonus if it's a sedan.

• Automatic. This is my DD, and I drive in a fair amount of traffic. No manuals. But, preference is for DSG or other flappy-paddle autos.

• Reasonably modern infotainment and comfort features. Things like bluetooth and Sirius are a must, heated/cooled seats, etc.

• Capable of good freeway mileage, like mid-20s if I keep my foot out of it.

• But still reasonably quick, say 14 flat or faster in the quarter.

• Driveline configuration is not essential, but AWD is preferred as this will be a 4-seasons car in Michigan. But I can do RWD with winter tires if need be.

• I'm not opposed to minor modifications like tunes and exhaust mods, but I'm not touching the suspension. Our roads suck.

• Capable of the occasional autocross without falling over itself, and maybe even a track day once in a blue moon.

• It must look good (purely subjective, of course!)

• Price range is up to the mid-$30k range, but I'd love to find something under $20k, the cheaper the better.

Cars I have considered or am considering:

• Chevy SS: Fast, stealthy, has the gadgets. But I drove one and the seats are just too narrow and uncomfortable for me. Plus, the mileage sucks for this day and age. And it looks like a Malibu.

• Pontiac G8 GT: Drove one and really liked it, but it's lacking in the modern luxury gadgets I hanker for, and people seem to think they are made of gold. I mean, it's an 8-year-old Pontiac! Also, the DOD lifter thing seems to be an issue, and I'd like to avoid major engine surgery if I can.

• Taurus SHO: Checks most of my boxes, I drove one and found the interior to be weirdly cramped for such a big car, and it is a BIG car, so it's probably useless as an autocrosser. Stock wheels are ugly as sin, though, and overall the styling is very "meh". Still, AWD, turbo, very tunable, and you can get 2013s (refresh year) for low $20s, so it's in the mix.

• 2015-up Dodge Charger R/T: At the top of my price range, but I love the looks, it runs mid-13s and gets 25 mpg highway, the 8-speed auto is sweet, it has all the gadgets, etc. Downsides are that it's a Chrysler and I'm still wary of their quality, and it's so new it's still depreciating fast.

• 2012-ish Chrysler 300 SRT8: Stupid fast, all the gadgets, looks pretty cool. But, mileage isn't great, has the old 5-speed auto, still around $30k, Chrysler quality.

• E90 335i: BMW handling, plenty fast in stock form, but also tunable. Honestly, this thing should be "it", but it just doesn't speak to me. It's styling is extremely boring and I'm not a fan of recent BMW interiors. And I'm terrified of owning a recent German car out of warranty.

• 2012-up Audi S4: AWD, torque-vectoring diff, tunable, looks great, DSG, quick, good on gas, what's not to like? Audi reliability and the price.

I know there are others, what am I missing?

If you're looking BMW, I'd say a 5 series fits your desires better than a 3 series.

Chevy SS is such a great car. Looks nice but not flashy, surprisingly good interior and ooooh that LS3 engine. Charger ain't a bad choice either, you get the world's coolest taillight and the ability to say "It's got a Hemi".

Sounds like the first thing you should've done is to stop at the Subaru dealership and ask to see the cars with snails.

No suggestions, but are we really at the point where we can call a 13 second 1/4 mile a "reasonably quick daily driver"?

As I was reading your list, the Charger R/T stuck out to me as the obvious answer. I damn near bought one myself, as I was looking for very similar things. The trim packages and options can be confusing, but look for a "Max" package, as it'll have all the bells and whistles. Look at the '13-'14 if you don't mind the 5 speed auto. It'll be well w/in your price range.

Only reason I didn't buy one was they're auto only. I can live with an auto, but really wanted a manual.

Mercedes CLA250 4MATIC?

Double clutch, all wheel drive, modern infotainment. Meets mpg needs. Not sure on the quarter mile, but if you can afford Chevy SS money, you could probably go for the AMG model if you need more power.

I am fudging the size requirement slightly, but I'm not tiny, and I fit very comfortably.

Ecoboost AWD Fusion might be worth looking at if the SHO is too large. It won't run in the 14's stock though.

VW Phaeton

Infiniti G37xS

captdownshift wrote: VW Phaeton

I like this thought. AWD, even the nicest of them are cheap enough, and they're nice on the inside. Big and ~5200 lbs isn't ideal for autocross, but whatever, just enjoy the heated / cooled / massaging seats while you remove all the cones from the course

Have you driven a BMW 335? They are a lot of fun.

Another car to consider that wasn't on your list is a Mistubishi EVO with the DSG. THey will be mid to upper 20s depending on miles.

In reply to rslifkin:

I was thinking that, or a trio 2.7TT allroads with the hope that one manages to be operational at a time.

This thread is relevant to my interests for DW's next car in a year or so.

It looks like the earlier second gen CTS-V is $30k ish. Not AWD, and your mileage might be sliiiiightly lower, but gobs of fun.

I see later Lexus GS series cars with AWD badges around here. Don't know much about them but they seem like they would meet your specs. Also there are AWD IS350's, I'm assuming that they aren't as fast as the GS, but could be wrong.

If he's looking for mid-size, the GS works. The IS or an Evo are not mid-size. They're both pretty small.

Acura TL SH-AWD. 305hp, all the comfy stuff, reasonably sporty, Honda reliable, decent MPG, plenty of room, and the 2012 and newer look pretty good.

Is a Mazdaspeed 6 too old? It's AWD, turbo, easily mod-able, stealthy and you could probably buy 2 or 3 nice examples with your budget.

Disregard, you said no manuals.

2008 IS-F ticks most of those boxes, except for the cooled seats.

Runs 13.0 flat stock, I\H\E will get you into low 12s. I get 22-23mpg in mixed driving. I've hit 27mpg pure highway.

I loved it so much, I bought two. It's absolutely the best all-around car I've ever had, and I've owned a lot of vehicles.

E60 5 series wagon?

Seemed like coming from one wagon you may want another...

Easily under $20k, and with SMG easily ticks all your boxes. Better looking than any BMW made since too.

C6 S6, or E60 5-series?

Huckleberry wrote: Easily under $20k, and with SMG easily ticks all your boxes. Better looking than any BMW made since too.

Oooh. Nice.

rslifkin wrote: If you're looking BMW, I'd say a 5 series fits your desires better than a 3 series.

It kinda does, yes. The Bangle-ized E60 is not to my liking, but the F10 isn't bad. Still kinda prefer the Audi A6 if I'm going German, though.