Like polishing a car , it takes a while to scrub off the ugly. Hand the heifer a bar of Lava and see how good you look when she is done scrubbin
Like polishing a car , it takes a while to scrub off the ugly. Hand the heifer a bar of Lava and see how good you look when she is done scrubbin
Anti-stance wrote:BAMF wrote: Anyone have amusing or horror stories about their first year of marriage?Yep, ended in divorce and haven't talked to her since. Life is better.
Same here! Man she was mental.
Remarried now with two boys. The first year with her was a blast. My advice- when you get to about year five go to a marriage counselor.
paranoid_android74 wrote:Anti-stance wrote:Same here! Man she was mental. Remarried now with two boys. The first year with her was a blast. My advice- when you get to about year five go to a marriage counselor.BAMF wrote: Anyone have amusing or horror stories about their first year of marriage?Yep, ended in divorce and haven't talked to her since. Life is better.
To clarify- I have two sons :)
i don't remember the first year. five months into it, i got one past the goalie. 12th anniversary is next month.
communication is not always easy, but it is always necessary. good luck, my internet friend.
We will hit 19 years this weekend. The first year was great, at year nine we had our first kid and things got hard for a while but it did get better.
Really talk to each other, really listen to each other and you should be good.
The first year isn't the hardest, it's the easiest. After that you stop trying to impress one another and start being real.
The Doc's on to something there.
The only problem anyone ever encounters in their first year is their own selfishness. The first few years is about learning how to put someone else's needs first.
The 24th year was the toughest for me. Menopause, huge financial misunderstandings, empty nester sydrome, and the recognition that my career was headed down the crapper all at once. Tough year.
We are now on 27. Life is good. She stood by me, I stood by her.
Don't be too proud to seek counseling. I've been through it twice, and helped both times.
I'd like to thank everyone for the stories. Coming up on 5 years and we have twins. Good to hear some different perspectives.
Sunday will be our 29th anniversary. On August 3 (four weeks ago), my youngest married. At the rehearsal dinner, where I gave a toast / speech to the groom and bride to be, I recited several tidbits of wisdom from A to Z.
Letter "L", I used the word "lie". That is, if anyone has told you marriage is going to be easy, they have lied to you. Marriage is work. A lot of work.
I think the secret here is, as someone posted, you BOTH have to have the desire to make it work. Too many people go into it with the mindset "well, if it doesn't work out, we can divorce". Yeah, I know where you'll be in 5 years.
1st year of living together was tough but things smoothed out once we adjusted. Then the first year of marriage was rough again. We didn't start dating till we were into our thirties and both of us were pretty independent and set in our ways. Once we learned to give a little and communicate better it was great.
Duke wrote:mndsm wrote: First year was fine, for me. It's gotten harder since the birth of our kid, TBQH. THAT year (he just turned 1) has been a mess.Stick it out. Absolutely *nothing* will be harder on your marriage than the first 5 years of a child's life (especially your first!) BUT it does get better. When you are both beat down from the eternal, unending job of being a young child's parent, it is spectacularly easy to lose sight of each other. But as they get a little older and do not require constant care and attention, if you make the effort to reconnect with each other, it will happen. We went through a very uninspiring stretch of time for a few years after our second daughter was born (the first was 3-1/2 then). That period ended about 10 years ago and things have been steadily getting better and better. We're heading towards our 22nd anniversary and we've never been happier together.
Yeah, that's what i've been trying to work on. It just compounded because she was in school finishing up her BA, lost a job, got pregnant, found a job, lost it because of bedrest from the kid- new job after he was born, finish school some more, quit job, find new one, raise child.... We've drifted some, but i'm not too worried about it.
Hang in there, I spent most of the first year deployed. The second year I spent most of it pumping oil out of the gulf and doing all the associated Deepwater Horizon clean up. She spent it home alone in a new small town with a new born baby 700 miles away. Having kids is the toughest part, you just have to push through and remember the things that made you love that person in the first place.
Enjoy having sex anytime, anywhere, everywhere. Yeah, the first year was hard- we didn't live together until year two because of a deployment. We're 13 years in now, but E36 M3. It's great, and it berkeleying sucks. An ironic allegory to life itself. I knew her for 9 months before marriage, didn't live with her until year two, and E36 M3 works out.
11 years in and the whole damn thing has been damn easy, four kids and all. Finally taking our honeymoon later this month. You guys are freaking me out.
ProDarwin wrote: Sometimes you have to wonder if the sex or companionship is worth it. Being single is really easy. Jesus I am lazy.
This. I feel exactly the same way. The more I hear my co-workers whine about the difficulties of marriage and parenting, the more I think they are lying when they say things like, "...but it is all worth it."
paranoid_android74 wrote:paranoid_android74 wrote:To clarify- I have two sons :)Anti-stance wrote:Same here! Man she was mental. Remarried now with two boys. The first year with her was a blast. My advice- when you get to about year five go to a marriage counselor.BAMF wrote: Anyone have amusing or horror stories about their first year of marriage?Yep, ended in divorce and haven't talked to her since. Life is better.
LOL! Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Little personal here but 1st year was a breeze compared to the next couple. ~7 years here. Biggest thing is you are not the same person that you were when you got married. Some people grow closer as they age and their personal habits and desires grow closer. Others break apart. Number one thing you HAVE to be in sync with is money, nothing rips things apart faster.
So for me.
Finding out that we cannot have kids,
rebuilding 2 house's together,
Selling two companies
Loosing her love for her job teaching
Major medical problems on my side.
Just E36 M3 tons of family stuff.
But I have never been angry, never been hurt and we don't really fight about anything other then football.
mazdeuce wrote: 11 years in and the whole damn thing has been damn easy, four kids and all. Finally taking our honeymoon later this month. You guys are freaking me out.
Ignore them. I don't get why so many people find marriage so hard. We've been married 20 years and I can count on my one hand how many arguments we've had that led to not speaking to each other for more than a few hours. I think a lot of people choose their partners poorly and then blame the institution of marriage on the failure.
I would hate to be single these days.
Take it from me: sometimes it's a damn sight better to be single.
Little personal here: I do not like the idea of growing old alone. But it's a berkeley of a sight better than living in torment with someone who is either mental or just vastly incompatible. I know older couples who just plain hate each other, it's evident to all around them. I cannot see living like that.
If it comes down to that choice, I'll take being alone.
ddavidv wrote:mazdeuce wrote: 11 years in and the whole damn thing has been damn easy, four kids and all. Finally taking our honeymoon later this month. You guys are freaking me out.Ignore them. I don't get why so many people find marriage so hard. We've been married 20 years and I can count on my one hand how many arguments we've had that led to not speaking to each other for more than a few hours. I think a lot of people choose their partners poorly and then blame the institution of marriage on the failure. I would hate to be single these days.
Even in my last long term relationship (I'm pretty young), I would never say it was "awful" at any point, and we were fairly serious.
I can't imagine something better than waking up next to your best friend everyday. I thoroughly enjoy the single life, but I still am hopeful that I find somebody someday.
I agree 100% with David that so many people get married for all of the wrong reasons, and I have also saw sooo many people stay together because it is what is familiar.
One thing to keep in mind. "Let it be". Most things are petty and aren't worth getting upset.
22 plus years. Don't give up. It's worth it. I love my wife and don't want to ever be without her. We have walked through some deep valleys together. It has been rough.
Year one saw a miscarriage then a troubled pregnancy. 17 months saw a premature child. On day 4 the Doctor's said he would not live through the night - he is now 20. He lived on life support 55 days and in Intensive Care 67 days. My hand was permanently partially disabled in a work accident at month 26 and required 8 operations during the next 5 years. Wife had to get emergency surgury the 6th month of the second pregnancy in month 37 of the marriage. Second son had a deformity requiring major surgury month 40. The medical bills crippled us financially, and our only drivable car was rearended while sitting out in front of the house in a hit and run at month 41. The furnace and refrigerator died within days and we had less than a dollar to our name. Chistmas presents were delivered in a box to our front door by an unknown person. Her Brother, her Sister and her Father died. Oldest sons lungs collapsed over 40 times and both lungs were operated on when he was 16. His heart stopped 26 hours after her father died in the same hospital. There is no horror like seeing shock paddles on your childs chest.
As we get older we still have to remember how easily we take things for granted. Last year we took our first real vacation w/o kids. We were on Drag Week in the middle of Kansas, and she said you really don't mean anything by that. I said No it is just an expression. She said everytime I would say it, it bothered her. I stopped saying it - period. Going through hardship forces you to give more grace to each other, but what I learned was we needed to spend more time communicating. We let things go and those issues really are still there.
Date your wife. Promote, Protect and Honor your wife, don't ever say anything negative to anyone. If there is a problem, you're 75% at fault. If that is not the case, assume that is and look at yourself first. Assume she had the best intention and that the impact was not her desire. Pick your battles, is the battle worth it?
Remember your vows, you took them before God.
Dang, wheels. I've got it easy.
"The feeling of being 'right' is nothing compared to the feeling of a happy home."
our 5th year was the worst but everything changed for us.
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