Am I stupid or what?

Tonight that saying ran through my head, "life is hard. It's harder when you're stupid". The past 18 months of my life have been one trial after another. Mostly interpersonal, but a good helping of strictly work problems too. Any time I get a moment to myself I keep finding myself thinking "does it have to be this hard? Is it always this hard??" All I'm trying to do is make a living and take care of my family. We're not living extravagantly, we don't go crazy with it, but it's just like pulling teeth to get by ...my own teeth.

Sucks, man. 

It may not be you.  For the past 18 months, life has been pretty berkeleyed up for a lot of folks, berkeleyed up by things way beyond their control.

Life is hard.   I'm a man of faith so I might look at it differently but we all struggle.   
 

I was all pissy about my problems the other night and then I started thinking about my 57 year old brother in law that has MS and can barely walk.   So I count my blessings and realize my problems aren't E36 M3 compared to the world around us.

Nope. It does not have to be so hard.  I dont know how bad it is, but i usually try to find and celebrate the positives in any situation.  
 

Also jobs have a unique way of messing with peoples heads. Its fine/good to try different things. 

Man, I have my own fit of undiagnosed mental issues, but generally consider myself to be optimistic to a damn fault.  After the past 2-years or so I am inclined to say "it's not just you".

The amount of times I've been flat-out all the way to exhaustion, only to find myself just as buried in sh*t as I was when I started...

Or dealing with the symptoms of depression...

Or just ready to say screw it all, and see what sort of new life a half tank of gas can drive me into (or away from)...

I don't know what you can do to fix it.  But you're not stupid, if that's the reason why you're asking.  You're also not alone. 

Unlike Bill, my mental problems are diagnosed and it's hard. Financially we are fine but I still struggle with those internal demons. I can say seeking professional help does, well, help. Not knowing your specifics all I can offer are generalities. 

I'm right there with you man. 

Stupid?  No, you are not.  I feel the same way quite often.  There are many things that I ask myself "why" about.  And I find myself sliding down a greased ramp into the pit of "I don't care".  But I do care which makes my inner dialogue quite dark and maybe even dangerous at times.  Light at the end of the tunnel?  There are times it is so dark in here that I don't know which direction to go to find a glimmer that could be light.

One day at a time.  One foot in front of the other.  There are people that have it much worse than me.  I just need to work to make my life and the people I come into contact with lives a little bit better.

Definitely not alone in this. Everything feels 10x harder than it used to and I'm half as productive despite the increased efforts. And I know that I am not stupid. 

I continually remind myself to control the things I can and NEED to and let the rest of it go. It helps, for a bit. Whatever I do to scale back and focus on the task at hand helps, really.

I've read too much of your posts here ro think you're stupid, and I hope you know you're not alone. 

Great thread title!  I feel stupid most days too, mostly work related but during my free time my wife fills in the gaps of making me feel dumb.

Like everyone else has said, life is just hard. It's gotten harder in the last two years that's for sure. Think about how much easier it used to be to:

Buy a car, buy a house, plan a wedding, hire someone, buy things, move... just to name a few. 

Life was hard before, now it's more harder. The worst part is that everyone's expectations have increased drastically. 

I would rather be around someone who feels stupid sometimes, than someone who feels smart all the time.

Life ebbs and flows.  Sometimes it all falls together and you are not even trying and the next thing you know you get into a funk where is it 2 steps forward and 1.95 steps back (or worse).  My advice is to talk to someone a professional or otherwise.  Be honest with them.  Sometimes just a new set of eyes on a situation can bring clarity and direction.  Also, be prepared to listen as you may not like the answers, or at very least these answers can make you uncomfortable.   It is really tough but you have taken the first steps by just posting about it here!!!   It may not solve things immediately but it can help a lot in the longer run.   

In reply to P3PPY :

I've definitely been there, and I have no doubt that I'll be there again. 

The only thing I'd add, which I'd include with others' suggestions above, is really trying to distill down to what you're good/bad at, and especially what you can tolerate vs. what you can't. 

As I've told our kids: most people don't get paid for what they're truly good at, they get paid for how much bullE36 M3 they can tolerate. That can be applied to family & social situations often, to an extent at least. 

aircooled said:

I would rather be around someone who feels stupid sometimes, than someone who feels smart all the time.

It's not MY fault you're always wrong. 

My chiropractor told me today that there was some study or the other that said we may be the most intelligent beings in the universe. Now that is a scary thought.

If you wonder if you are stupid you are not.

Stupid people know they are smart.

I drove past the Spyglass Inn in Pismo Beach last Tuesday while driving home from San Francisco to Ventura.

The last time I stayed there I was with my soon to be x-wife (she decided to switch teams which was fine with me as she spent about as much money on drugs as I did on the mortgage ).

I was 27 (30 years ago) and I was struggling to make it through grad school while working one full time job and another part time job (did I mention drugs).

I remember taking my computer as I had a bunch of papers due the following week and spent the whole time writing and stressing and writing and stressing while she got high and played on the beach (did I mention drugs).

Around that same timeframe, I thought something was wrong with my water supply at home as I'd taste salt while taking a shower.  Only later did I realized that the salty taste was coming from tears that I would spontaneously shed during that 20 minutes a day that I wasn't answering to somebody, that I wasn't under inspection, that I wasn't being judged.

It was late and my wife and two daughters were all asleep in the car which gave me an opportunity to really reflect on just how hard that time was for me and how the toughest days now are absolutely nothing compared to what I've been through.

So, for those that are struggling now, if you can get past it, you'll be better for it the rest of your life.

Not just you, we are all feeling it. 

Somethings matter, most things don’t.  

Ive found, in my life, that most interpersonal conflicts come from a miscommunication of expectations.

Managing other people’s expectations of you is hard.

I feel I can do anything, If I really feel like it. Literally all the things. Make a bid for mayor, become an astronaut, solve all the worlds problems. 

If you go into situations with that mentality, people will expect you to do everything. Not help them, not support them,  not them support you,but actually solve all of the problems, do all the work. They will not be willing help in the solving of the problems. 

To the contrary they will put conditions on you solving the problem, complaining that the problem should be solved without their signature or input of any kind, decide that it wasn’t a problem at all after you put effort into solving it. 

Somethings matter. Most things don’t.

Many people’s happiness is disrupted when they forget that. 

Setting realistic expectations of myself and FOR MYSELF, has yielded more satisfaction than anything else I’ve tried. Ymmv. 

Thanks, all. Recent research has shown that emotionally reliving a bad experience while in the company of a sympathetic ear allows our brain to heal some of the hurt from that original experience.

In other words, listening is itself a way to help.

To give discreet details, a little over a year ago my brother went off the deep end and became a real life internet troll to most of the family (I had no idea people ever actually acted like how he's acting), which is a pain that keeps on giving, since any memory that comes up about him (which is basically MY WHOLE LIFE UP UNTIL THIS POINT) is now tainted by the hateful, spiteful person he's allowed himself to become. For example, RX Reven, your cool Pismo Beach mention brought up some memories that used to be really great but now bring a lot of sadness to my eyes.

Work has been hard for some time due to a particular person, who has recently taken it over the line and acted abusively. Complaints to upper management were weasled around; this person is more irreplaceable than me and they know it, and the bosses know it. For months now I've been looking for another job, and for the past month it's been my second full time job at nights. Instead of spending evenings with my wife I've been desperately looking for employment, up too late, putting in apps, filling out paperwork, being tired at a job I dread. It's turning into a cycle of despair. My current position/wage combo is apparently something of a unicorn where we live, which we relied on too heavily.

TLDR; brother has worked at ruining family relationships, coworker has ruined work and I cannot find another job that will make ends meet.

When I boil it down, it seems relatively simple to fix - stop talking to him, get a new job. The devil is in the details though, and sometimes, man...    

Anyway, despite that circumstances are absolutely no different (well, a little worse, actually) it's helped to have the support of my wife, people like you guys who can relate or encourage, and approaching things through the "Cognitive Behavioral Triangle" lens. I hear that a bunch of you are going through unnecessarily rough things too, and if you want to share, I have a little room on my shelf now to join other people here who are listening, too.

A great quote I once heard:

"Being stupid is like being dead. You don't know you're dead, it only hurts those around you."

Toxic people you have to deal with at work really make work unpleasant. I've been dealing with this for too long and am hopeful I can make a positive career change.

And on the stupid thing... Yeah some days I am jealous of the stupid/ignorant people because life seems so easy for them. But then I wouldn't be who I am and most of the time I like me.

Most people are doing the best they can and are one small event from having a complete breakdown. 

It's the human condition these days.