Bad gifts

Everyone gets one they don't want or understand. Mine is the pooping candy dispenser. I just opened my 12th. I don't know why I get them as I don't generally like jelly beans or small animal statues, but it seems no ocasion is complete without reciving one of these things. I have decided trhat when company comes on saturday I will have them promenantly displayed in my wife's china cabnet. There will be a delightful display of a dozen deficating dispensers, each with it's back to the glass with a brown jelly bean prarie dogging from it's spring loaded sphincter as though my gravy boat had somehow perfected the brown note. I am going to see which of the givers is the first to comment on my bad taste.

Of course this is nothing compared to a co-worker who recived this from his cousins: 9-11 cobblestone . How do you decide that this makes a good christmas gift, especially considering he lost his wife and a friend there. The only way that would be a good gift would be if you could bludgeon the giver. I would love to have seen the thought process there.

The 9/11 brick is especially sh*tty because it can't even be inscribed.

Other crappy gifts include: carbon offset credits.

I usually get a fruitcake. I'm dead serious.

This is no doubt due to the fact that once, when about 6 years old, I actually ate a piece of fruitcake. Thus, I developed a reputation in certain circles as somebody who 'likes fruitcake'. These certain circles are mostly confined to my mother's imagination. Nevertheless, nearly every year I get one - and not some cheap store-bought fruitcake either. Either she goes to great trouble to make it herself, "because I know you like fruitcake, dear", or hunted down and purchased at considerable expense from some underground network of fruitcake crafters referred in hushed tones over fruit punch and pound cake during the final few minutes of a maj jong game.

This makes me feel especially guilty when I defrost the motherberkeleyer sometime in June to make room in the freezer, with the sole intent of cutting it up and giving it to the raccoons

Raccoons, by the way, LOVE fruitcake!

The worst gift I have ever gotten is one of those shirt/tie/cologne sets. There's not a good piece of ANYTHING in that box. That's the kind of gift where you say, 'you really shouldn't have' and you MEAN it.

In fact, that's one of my major gripes about this time of year: the retailers have trained us just like lab rats to buy ANYTHING as a gift so you don't look like a Scrooge. It doesn't matter if it's truly useful or fits (physically or otherwise) the person receiving it as long as you buy SOMETHING.

A cordless vaccum cleaner.

A storage box.

Irish Turf/Peat Incense & Burner

On the package (fashioned after a sod hut):

"By burning the incense on the stone burner enjoy the distinctive smell of an Irish Turf peat fire. Let the ambience of the aroma rekindle for you the romance and nostalgia of Ireland."

My girlfriends dad got me a size large coat....I haven't been a large for about 6 years.

NYG95GA wrote: Irish Turf/Peat Incense & Burner On the package (fashioned after a sod hut): "By burning the incense on the stone burner enjoy the distinctive smell of an Irish Turf peat fire. Let the ambience of the aroma rekindle for you the romance and nostalgia of Ireland."

Hey, it could have been worse. People used to burn dried cow flops.

Kill Bill Vol. 1, Can't stand Q.T. movies. OTOH, K.B. does have the most actuall plot of them all. It will look nice sitting in my DVD binder.

I gave my wife 2 toilet seats this year and she liked them. I guess it's all in presentation.

I wrapped them in "dirty" toilet paper. I used Milk Duds & Hershey Kisses judiciously throughout and then smeared Chocolate fudge sauce in streaks on the paper.

They were some new and special padded seats that felt like baby skin to the touch and actually supported you unlike the usual padded seat.

There is no excuse for buying a bad gift anymore, yet they persist. If I'm clueless as to what to buy someone, I'll punt and buy a gift card from a department store or a home store.

Gift cards have a "stigma" in some circles because the giftee knows exactly how much the bearer spent. So what? I don't care how much you spend on an Irish peat burner. That baby is going back to the store for a refund. So I know how much you spent anyway.

My wife's daughters got gift cards from Target and Ikea. They're both outfitting their apartments so they are very happy and appreciative. Now they can buy exactly what they need and I still get the credit.

whatchoo talkin about. KILL BILL IS AWESOME!

the second one really makes the story.

Tommy Suddard wrote: A cordless vaccum cleaner. A storage box.

Let the record reflect that I was not responsible for either of these gifts.

And I keep telling him, he's lucky to have grandparents still alive and loving him enough to give him a cardboard box, especially a "special" cardboard box they actually paid money for.

Margie

Jerry From LA wrote: There is no excuse for buying a bad gift anymore, yet they persist.

Young Tommy,

I forgot to include the Grandparent Exemption to the above. Having grandparents at the age of 15 is an invaluable resource far outweighing gift potential and an ally against the common enemy.

That is why God created the Amazon wishlist. My mother-in-law again sent me an Iron Maiden CD. It's like she can read my mind. I also got some good jazz and a few Wii games from the family.

We open gifts from the extended family on Christmas Eve. Grandpa saw me opening my gift from him and Grandma, and only saw socks (which are really an awesome gift. I mean that). Grandpa goes off on grandma, "we only got him SOCKS?!?! I've usually been one of grandpa's favorite grandsons. I think its because I play golf (I don't know why I do that either).

It was all well and good, beneath the socks was the renewed subscription to GRM.

Marjorie Suddard wrote:

Tommy Suddard wrote: A cordless vaccum cleaner. A storage box.

Let the record reflect that I was not responsible for either of these gifts. And I keep telling him, he's lucky to have grandparents still alive and loving him enough to give him a cardboard box, especially a "special" cardboard box they actually paid money for. Margie

see tommy, be glad your parents didn't give you anything lousy, or they did and your smart enough not to complain on the web site they run

David S. Wallens wrote: That is why God created the Amazon wishlist. My mother-in-law again sent me an Iron Maiden CD. It's like she can read my mind. I also got some good jazz and a few Wii games from the family.

i would love to receive an Iron Maiden CD from my in-laws. what is this "Amazon wishlist" of which you speak? Is your MIL an amazon? because that's kinda cool too.

I've got all you berkeleyers beat. Waiting on pics. to prove it.

Last Christmas, I got a Xavix. It's a Wii knock-off with Sega Genesis-level graphics and Engrish games with accessories shaped to match (i.e. the bowling game has a bowling ball, tennis game has tennis racquets). I didn't open it until this Christmas, when my younger cousins came over. It's actually kind of fun. My sisters are taking it with them when they go back to their college dorm.

Not a bad gift, but an awkward one was on my 18th birthday. I had a small party at my house and one of my then-girlfriend's friends gave me a 12-pack of condoms. In front of my parents.

Clothes that are ill-suited for the environment. It's like getting a really nice winter jacket...in the Caribbean. Which is only a slight exaggeration of getting very tight and thick shirts (which BTW don't look that great on a guy with the kind of figure you don't show off) in the Caribbean.

I wear some of them when I travel but the clothes spend 90~100% of the time in the closet...but it's something that happens every birthday and Christmas (2 items yesterday), from people who should know better. At this age it's not as easy for me to feign joy and excitement anymore, as much as I want to, so I wish they could meet me half way.

Jerry From LA wrote: There is no excuse for buying a bad gift anymore, yet they persist. If I'm clueless as to what to buy someone, I'll punt and buy a gift card from a department store or a home store. Gift cards have a "stigma" in some circles because the giftee knows exactly how much the bearer spent. So what? I don't care how much you spend on an Irish peat burner. That baby is going back to the store for a refund. So I know how much you spent anyway.

I think gift cards are stupid, not because of the price thing, but because it's just money that you can only spend in one location. You might as well send them a check, then they can spend it wherever they want!

I've had two times when I've given gift cards/certificates and felt legitimate about it. One was for my girlfriend to get a private lesson at the climbing gym (certificate gave her the flexibility to schedule it when she wanted. The other was for a friend who loved shopping at Victoria's Secret, as much or more than getting stuff from there, and the card legitimized a shopping trip.

I saw prepaid Visa cards ($25, $50 etc) the other day, maybe that would work instead of one for a particular store.

Jensenman wrote: I saw prepaid Visa cards ($25, $50 etc) the other day, maybe that would work instead of one for a particular store.

I like that idea better. I'm not sure I buy the whole argument that just giving cash is tacky or unthoughtful. You know they can use it. It's certainly less tacky than giving them something they really can't use.

I think gift cards for an appropriate store are good gifts (I like getting them...)

Outdoorsy type? REI gift card or the like. Car guy? Summit Racing / Sears / etc

But just straight cash never ceases to put a smile on my face lol