Bad year for musicians of my generation.... Chester Bennington content

Just read that Chester Bennington just committed suicide. berkeley.

berkeley. LP was my one of my favorite bands since Hybrid Theory.

In reply to Brian:

YEP.

I feel somewhat guilty. Just recently I was ripping on them pretty bad for what their modern music had turned into. And then this happens.

you think this news is hard to hear? you should try reading the letter that he wrote to Chris Cornell when Chris Cornell committed suicide.

NickD wrote: I feel somewhat guilty. Just recently I was ripping on them pretty bad for what their modern music had turned into. And then this happens.

Same they were supposed to play next week by me with blink 182 and I love blink but was like ehh, Linkin park...

I gotta say something here that is not my normal halfassed silliness/ripping on cars.

For a long time, I used to question why anyone would ever consider doing such a thing. What could possibly lead someone to think that the best thing in the world to do is to end your life? But life changed for me. Something physical inside me changed, or maybe it was always there but I was able to ignore it for a long time. But it catches up with you. Depression is a mean bitch. You can walk away from a negative friend, or as shiny happy person that gets you down. You can'tget away from yourself. You're locked in your own little hell of self doubt, questioning why you should be here and lettin your mind fester on things that don't matter. I still can't fathom getting that low, but I can understand how they can get there.

Now, I'm not going to say I know what Chester (or anyone else for that matter) is/was going through. We all process it differently. We all have our own demons that manifest in ways that suck. For me, I withdraw. From friends, from family, even from my wife. I find it "easier for everyone" if I just stay away and keep my thoughts and my "unhappiness" to myself. I've found myself there again, and I want to thank Chester for reminding me that all is not lost. It never is when you have family, friends and a wonderful wife that support you. So I need to make myself get out there, reconnect with friends and family. Do something with the wife. Go out and enjoy life and everything we have been given.

TL;DR If you think you might have depression, do yourself, friends and family and get help.

It's definitely hard. For me it has been cycling. When I feel like crap, I go for a ride and I feel better. At least that's how it used to be. As I've gotten older I can't ride the way I used to. The way I feel I should still be able to. So now what used to bring me peace now just brings me frustration. People like to say getting old is better than the alternative. I'm not so sure about that.

I lift. Every day. In my basement. Its me time, where I get to be alone, in my space, and work, and improve myself. It makes me feel good. When I cant (schedule doesnt allow, or out of town or something), I can tell. I get down, I feel like Im not doing enough. I fell like having a center, a me-time and me-space and me-project are what help me look at the future with a positive outlook. Without that, I can certainly see how its easy to spiral downward.

I have a hard time understanding suicide. From the outside, it makes me angry. Nobody is truly an island. People care about you. People rely on you. And, killing yourself may seem like it will help you find peace (ideologically, I disagree, but thats another thread). But, your peace will cost a great deal to those around you.

I guess I should feel very blessed that I dont understand it from the inside.

My point is, find something that no one can contaminate. Find your center. A public music career is not something that I would use as my center, too many critics and opinions.

In reply to Ian F:

I couldnt agree more. I really like the people that don't have this issue that tell you to just go outside more. That's your problem. Sadly, its not. I have my truck. I love it. I love driving it. But every time I drive it I see all these things that need to be done and it mutes that good feeling just a little. Things that will eventually get done, but due to financial restrictions placed on my by the finance manager (with good reason, I'd blow through our savings in a weekend... and that's close to $30k now) it has to be done over time. Same with the motorcycle... only it's more me than it. I just don't have the youthful abandon I once had and find myself being more and more cautious than ever and not enjoying it as much as I once did.

Life's not easy for anyone. It's only made harder when your physical body likes to make it harder on you. Luckily, I still feel it's worth the effort. Others don't and choose differently than me.

In reply to 4cylndrfury:

for a long time I felt the same, and still do to a degree. While no man is an island, you're also the only one along for the ride inside. It's hard to explain. But... knowing there are others fighting with you helps. Knowing that others depend on you, while exhausting, is also a good reason to keep fighting.

It's a little like tinnitus. you always hear that ringing/buzzing sound. Always. It never goes away. It never leaves. It's always there. Making it harder to hear others, have conversations in crowded rooms, missing parts of music you once enjoyed. Ever present from the moment you become awake that morning until that evening when you finally drift off to sleep. Having both, sucks big balls. Let me tell you!

I'm not a LP fan (at all), but it still saddens me to think that anybody would feel so much hurt and emptiness that they would end their own life. Half of me think he's selfish for leaving his wife and kids behind, but before I judge somebody I try and get in their mind set... And to think of the sadness he must of felt to do that? Idk, maybe I would of done it to.

I guess I just feel lucky that Ive been able to climb out of my emotional ruts.

Rip Chester, I would you would of been able to escape your demons. I wish you're family comfort in their time of loss.

Project86fox wrote: I'm not a LP fan (at all), but it still saddens me to think that anybody would feel so much hurt and emptiness that they would end their own life. Half of me think he's selfish for leaving his wife and kids behind, but before I judge somebody I try and get in their mind set... And to think of the sadness he must of felt to do that? Idk, maybe I would of done it to.

Typically, a person with suicidal thoughts feels so worthless that they think their family would be better off without them. They see it like they're doing everyone a favor, rather than hurting those closest to them.

I'm not sure what it says about a society when the musicians stop dieing from drugs and alcohol and start committing suicide.

Ian F wrote: It's definitely hard. For me it has been cycling. When I feel like crap, I go for a ride and I feel better. At least that's how it used to be. As I've gotten older I can't ride the way I used to. The way I feel I should still be able to. So now what used to bring me peace now just brings me frustration. People like to say getting old is better than the alternative. I'm not so sure about that.

Tell me about it. I'm so beat at the end of a day, I can't do the things I want to do. Hands are shot, ankles are shot, hearing is shot....

ncjay wrote: I'm not sure what it says about a society when the musicians stop dieing from drugs and alcohol and start committing suicide.

It's not just musicians. It seems like there wasn't a single kid in my drama class who didn't think about checking out.