Can someone help me make Alexa not suck?

Me: Alexa, how many cups of water do I use when cooking Quinoa?

Alexa:  Experts say that humans should drink 8 cups of water a day, although a scientific consensus hasn't been reached.

Me:  Alexa, do you know what Quinoa is?

Alexa:  Quinoa, spelled Q U I N O A, is a grain grown in many sub-tropical Asian countries.

Me: Alexa, how many cups of water do I use when cooking Quinoa?

Alexa: Experts say that humans should drink......

Another conversation:

Me:  Alexa, is there snow in the forecast?

Alexa:  Tonight's low is 31 degrees.  Expect high winds.

Me: Alexa, when is it going to snow?

Alexa:  No snow is expected tonight.

Me: Alexa, when is the next time it is expected to snow?

Alexa:  No snow is expected tonight.

Me:  Alexa, when is the next time we expect snow?

Alexa:  No snow is expected tonight.

I got this echo dot for 99 cents as part of a promotion when you sign up for an Amazon credit, so it's not like I'll be devastated if she accidentally falls in the trash can, but maybe you can help me figure out how to make her not so.... um.... violence-inducing?

Swmbo is into it. I refuse to let them in the house. 

Also, if you have a rice cooker, quinoa and rice follow the same directions. 

It spys on you, chuck her in the garbage.

Ask it... Alexa,  can you sing...  you may regret it.

Anyway, it knows all eight rules to fight club.

In reply to Curtis :

Dude...You need a girlfriend.

Pete

Alexa, never speak again.

Problem solved.

Stick it in the glove box of a really fast car. Go for a drive. 

They tell us we will be better off if machines and artificial intelligence does everything for us. I say nay. I have swallowed as much koolaid as I plan to and I am stepping off. No Alexa, no Facebook and no self parking cars for me. 

Quinoa's gotta a big brown beaver.

It’s not self aware yet so it continues with it’s robotic responses. 

Gas.  Matches.  All better.

I have an Echo Dot in the garage. I use it as a radio.

"Alexa, play songs by Samantha Fish".

Songs by Samantha Fish play.

All is right with the world.

I also havent had very good luck with it ever giving me what i want. Instead i gives me what amazon wants. 

“Amazon, give me half of jeff bezos’s fortune!”

nothing.. 

but really i did get a fire stick for the sole purpose of watching the grand tour since amazon wont play nice with chromecast. It might be the most infuriating thing to use. Ive cussed it out often. Also yeah i trust that thing like a fart when i have the flu. I dont even know where it is right now. I unplug it when not in use and dont like using it so its somewhere in the house, safely unable to listen to our convo’s. 

NOHOME said:

In reply to Curtis :

Dude...You need a girlfriend.

 

Pete

I have one sorta.  Thank goodness she's smarter than Alexa

Try: 

"Alexa, what's the recipe for quinoa?"

I got 4 options so I said:

"Alexa, select number one"

First two ingredients are 1 cup quinoa and 1 3/4 cup water.

Also:

"Alexa, will it snow this week?"

Once you get used to the key words and contexts she is good at your luck will improve dramatically.

Just wait till Alexa starts playing ads at odd times, especially in the middle of the night.  It will set the dogs of and cause you to jump out of bed, stub you toe while getting the gun and possibly run into a door as you make haste towards the room the Alexa is in.

We trashed ours afterward

I just avoid Alexa by refusing to have one in the house. SWMBO is on board with that as well..

"Alexa, where is Chuck Norris?"

Just do it. 

 one or two smacks with one of these should fix it

Alexa and Siri can go jump off a cliff.....  I have no use for either. 

Found this. I thought some of you might be interested.

https://medium.com/swlh/alexa-play-some-music-isnt-the-only-time-amazon-is-listening-to-you-a556df19613f

Type Q said:

Found this. I thought some of you might be interested.

https://medium.com/swlh/alexa-play-some-music-isnt-the-only-time-amazon-is-listening-to-you-a556df19613f

I saw one big mistake in that article:

As if by magic, your Alexa-enabled device “wakes up” when you say its name. But think about that for a moment. After you say the magic word, your Alexa-enabled device must listen for your request, interpret it, and respond. Just how much does Amazon really listen to inside your home? How much you really know about how voice technology works when you unboxed your Alexa-enabled device?

(Fair warning: this is about to get awkward.)

You may have assumed your Echo or Dot listened and responded using the small computer housed inside the device itself. But that doesn’t make sense. The on-board computer simply isn’t powerful enough.

The Alexa device does have enough computing power to pick up a keyword, this takes far less computing power than general-purpose speech-to-text conversion. Also if it were really were doing keyword detection remotely, this would be easy to confirm with traffic volume analysis: your Alexa device would be streaming audio to Amazon constantly. I think the unrelated recordings Alexa picks up are caused by false-positive keyword detection.

So, just wondering. With some time and effort, could I get Alexa and Siri to start talking to each-other with the intent of getting them into a sexual relationship?

Like I said...just curious.