How is this not a thing? I want your most cringe-worthy, the one that makes your kids do this:
How is this not a thing? I want your most cringe-worthy, the one that makes your kids do this:
My kid isn't old enough to care, but I've been stocking up on these for the future. My favorite thus far:
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One of them looks at the other and says, "You man the guns and I'll drive."
Why do cannibal not eat clowns?
Cause they taste funny!
Also, and time my kid says "im hungry/bored" i respond with "hi _____! Im daddy!"
Always gets a good eyeroll.....
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Also my wife is a horse vet. Any horse jokes or horse puns are welcome as I will not look a gift horse in the mouth.
RossD said:What's brown and sticky? A stick.
My sister-in-law told that joke and then laughed at it for 36 hours. It was a long weekend.
In reply to Dusterbd13 :
I can't eat frog legs.
They make me jumpy!
What's green, bumpy, and has tires?
A pickle. I lied about the tires.
Where do the poor pasta live?
In the Spaghetto.
How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogy in it.
My dad would regularly regale us with bad dad jokes at dinner, which often caused all sorts of my mom's culinary delights getting thrown at him from multiple vectors. Here's one of his classics:
Tony Sr: Did I tell you about the dream I had last night? It was strange! In the dream, I was a muffler.
Me: Really?
Tony Sr: Yeah, I woke up completely exhausted.
(FOOD FLIES EVERYWHERE)
From my old man:
"Pete and Repeat were sittin' on a fence. Pete fell off and who was left?" Once the child responded "Repeat!" He would start again with "Pete and Repeat..."
When the bug hit the windshield what was the last thing to go through his mind? Crap!
"Hi Bored, I'm Dad!"
Two snares and a cymbal fall into a canyon...
...
Ba-dum chi! Ba-dum chi! Ba-dum chi!...
ALL OF YOU ARE GROUNDED!
I wish I could remember all the ridiculous stuff my dad used to joke with us. Now that my sister and I are adults (well at least legally) my dad admitted when we were small, he used to just make up ridiculous stories about anything to see how far he could take it before we didn't belive him anymore.
How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?
Ten. Ten-tickles.
How do you make holy water?
Take regular water, and shake the hell out of it.
What do you do if your tampax catches fire?
Throw it down, and tampon it.
What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
Winner from last week.
My son and I rolled up behind a car at a stop light. We were in the middle of a technical discussion. I pointed out the windshield and said, "That's certainly not your forte."
He groaned about that for quite a while. He's 30.
The best dad jokes are simple and easy to figure out. Puns are great dad jokes, because once you get started your loved ones will beg you to stop.
The whole "Hi Bored, I'm Dad" is a great one, because eventually they'll stop saying it.
Dad: Knock-knock!
Kid: Who's there?
Dad: Interrupting cow.
Kid: Interrpt---
Dad: MOO!
My wife busted this one out on me: (Background: I was waiting for a spoiler to arrive for the Yaris) Her: "There's a package for you on the front porch. I guess this is your . . . spoiler alert."
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
There was a man who entered a local newspaper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I had my 7 year old granddaughter laughing hysterically with this one. First, an introduction for our American neighbours: the Canadian 2 dollar coin (known as the toonie) has Queen Elizabeth on one side and a polar bear on the other. Now the joke. Holding up the coin - "Do you know why this coin was almost called the moonie?" "It has the Queen on one side with a bear behind!"
RossD said:What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Also my wife is a horse vet. Any horse jokes or horse puns are welcome as I will not look a gift horse in the mouth.
I have a dad and horse joke in one. One of my sisters was sick with laryngitis. My dad told me and my bother to play outside or be quiet because, "Shes a little horse, and she has a little colt".
What's black and white, and red all over? A newspaper...
Or, as my friends and I came up with at about age ten, "A nun falling down the stairs."
My dad humor is a bit...off? For example, I happened to hear my daughter ask “Who’s fault is it?” and even though I’d not been listening to the conversation I blurted out “San Andreas”.
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