Streetwiseguy said:What's black and white, and red all over?
"A nun falling down the stairs."
With a spear through her head
Streetwiseguy said:What's black and white, and red all over?
"A nun falling down the stairs."
With a spear through her head
What's green and fuzzy, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A pool table
Two men walked into a bar..... Third one ducked
secretariata said:From my old man:
"Pete and Repeat were sittin' on a fence. Pete fell off and who was left?" Once the child responded "Repeat!" He would start again with "Pete and Repeat..."
There was a father and son who raced R/C cars at the pro level in the '80s. To the best of my knowledge, their names really were Pete and RePete Fusco.
RePete's name may be the ultimate dad joke.
Dad: "That looks like a henway"
Me: "What's a henway?"
Dad: "About three pounds"
We were driving down the interstate by farmland & been on the road for hours. I nodded toward a pasture filled with bales & said “hey...”
They groaned over that one, so I still do it when they’re unsuspecting.
So a blind man walks into a bar. Then a pool table. Then a jukebox.
What’s black and white and red all over?
a skunk that got hit by a car
"I don't know, can you?"
Whenever asking if I can go to a friend's house, play outside, have a snack, etc.
What’s a house wear? Address
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An Investigator
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk
what happened to the dog who tried to catch the fog? He mist.
Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? The are that good!
if you are cold what part of the house do you go to? The corners; it’s 90 degrees!
I’ll stop, but my kids are still young enough that they ask me to tell them one everyday and laugh at them
me: "hey, do you have any updog?"
kid: "what's up dog?"
me: "nothin much man, sup with you?"
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
no eye deer!!!!
(no idea, with a redneck accent)
My favorite joke of all time.
Q. What kind of Bee do you get milk from?
A. BooBees
Pete Gossett said:We were driving down the interstate by farmland & been on the road for hours. I nodded toward a pasture filled with bales & said “hey...”
They groaned over that one, so I still do it when they’re unsuspecting.
I got my wife with this on our first road trip as husband and wife; we still do this 17 years later and now the kids get into it. I also like to point out hydroelectric facilities with a loud "Dam"!
Why isn't your nose 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
Why do mermaids wear sea shells?
Because B shells are just too small and D shells fall off.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
My drunk friend was kicked out of Karaoke for singing “Danger Zone” 7 times in a row.
He had exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.
Why did the two melons have a church wedding?
because they cantaloupe.
The final four letters in the word “queue” aren’t silent...
They’re just waiting their turn...
imgon said:What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a cow with no left legs?
Lean beef.
What do you get from a cow with no hind legs?
Draggin' milk!
A family of tomatoes is walking down the road. Mommy tomato, daddy tomato and Junior. The youngest kept dawdling and falling behind. The family was in a bit of a rush so the daddy tomato kept telling his kid to hurry. The kid kept ignoring him and falling farther and father back. Finally, the dad tomato had enough. He ran back, smashed junior tomato and yelled "KETCHUP!"
thatsnowinnebago said:A family of tomatoes is walking down the road. Mommy tomato, daddy tomato and Junior. The youngest kept dawdling and falling behind. The family was in a bit of a rush so the daddy tomato kept telling his kid to hurry. The kid kept ignoring him and falling farther and father back. Finally, the dad tomato had enough. He ran back, smashed junior tomato and yelled "KETCHUP!"
That's the joke from Pulp Fiction!
What do you call birds that stick together?
Velcrows.
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