vazbmw wrote: Tell them it is an emergency. They may make space for you asap. Also call you doctor and let them know you state of depression and the need for immediate help. They will understand and will be able to help you find someone.
yeah... in general, if you mention the "S-word" you get bumped up on the priority list PDQ...
As an aside... Facebook can definitely be a double-edged sword for communicating...
Keep your body alive while your brain works it out. That means exercising it, feeding it, and taking it's ass to work.
Take part in group activities. Join a coed soccer team. They are great, and you won't be the worst on the team.
Man up. Harming yourself is a chickenE36M3 solution. You have been given the gift of life by some entity: don't waste it. Feeling sorry for yourself has no place. If you must, take five minutes of self-pity a day, and then move on.
Fake being happy. You won't believe this, but when you smile it releases hormones of some sort that are your happy hormones and it actually works.
Write it all down. Get them out of your head and on a piece of paper. Not a computer. It's too easy for them to find life on the internet. Here, you're safe. I can't say the same for anywhere else.
These are all experience based. You don't want to hear it, but more people than you struggle with the same demons their entire lives. You are probably going to be one of those, so a lifelong strategy will serve you, whether it's antidepressants, counselors, or a self-guided system to bring it together.
Best of luck, and whatever you do, keep your body alive. You aren't the only one that cares about you. If it's the only thing that keeps you going, think about your mother.
You need a nice healthy running addiction. It does amazing things for your mental health!
Woody wrote: I opened up to my father and he said that some people, you just don't get over. He mentioned a girlfriend who died suddenly when he was 15. He was still a little heartbroken about it and he was in his 60's.
I remember discussing this same thing w/ a co-worker 10 years ago. Mine was my first big heartbreak from almost 20 years ago. I still think about her almost daily--but only about what "was". I have no interest in what she "is" (a 36 y/o mother of 2 who looks much more worn-out than she did when I last saw her in person in the mid 90's)(no contact w/ her since 2001, but I googled her Facebook profile--I'm not on Facebook).
A couple of truths:
Women go through a MASSIVE metamorphosis between 20 and 26. This is why it's NUTS to hope for a long-term relationship with a woman that age--she simply won't be who she was after a very short time.
Heartbreak is part of life. It makes you stronger. Working through it makes you stronger.
I lost my Dad in 2001. It was a ctrl/alt/del on my life. It changed every molecule of my life. It completely altered my overview of/attitude toward life. The biggest thing I walked away with? It's what everyone else has said--hobbies. "Smelling the roses" while doing something I love is an important part of life for me.
I'm able to immerse myself in stuff almost to the point of obsession. I'm an utterly miserable person, but when I'm doing the things I love, I'm removed from that misery. Skateboarding is downright spiritual for me. Ditto for auto-x. Ditto for a great meal or conversation with friends. Hell, even just learning about stuff on the internet is an obsession of mine.
Immerse yourself in something or a few things. When you find a passion for something, you get a drive to move on. Define yourself by the things you love--not by whom you're involved with.
That's how I've avoided shrinks and anti-depressants--however, that's worked for me. If you need help, don't be embarrassed to get it.
Like many others, I've had my own experience with depression. I got to a point where I needed pills and a counselor. Got some stuff sorted, got off meds and did just fine. Got married, got divorced and went to see a counselor for that, but no pills. It was a good move. It's pretty amazing what talking to a neutral, objective, 3rd party can do for you.
Also, if someone fools around on you, then the relationship is done and not worth being sad over for any length of time. I've got my own experience there too and know that it's easier said than done.
I've been trying to avoid threads like this, since I've got some similar stuff going on right now, but I'm with vazbmw on this one. It's no admission of failure to seek professional help. Without it, I'd be a lot worse off now than I was then. Seems I'm "bipolar", and a lot of the depression I feel doesn't have anything to do with what actually happens to me, but just from the neuro-chemicals in my head.
The human brain may be the most complicated thing on the face of the earth, and it's no small wonder that the science of figuring out just how it works is in it's infancy...but that being said, just knowing I have this thing is half the battle. Every time the "beast" raises it's ugly head, I can now back off and consider that it may be my reaction to the situation, rather than the situation itself.
I personally have stopped using the meds because I don't like the side-affects of the ones the insurance will actually pay for, but I know others that have found the right regimen.
I'm luckier than most people, because I'm an atheist. Suicide is definitely not an answer for me. I can still walk, talk and think (and DRIVE!), and I'm not suffering from a terminal disease that will cause great pain in it's end stage.
About women? I agree with gamby on the age thing-and not just for the ladies! I'm in love with a wonderful young woman (she's 25, I'm 47). We were friends for seven years, and last summer, the spark just hit. She went from "..let's get married and make a baby!" to "..it's not you-it's me.." in the span of eight months. She doesn't know what she wants yet. And honestly...she shouldn't! Hell, I didn't...
Relax. Breathe. And remember, "..life is what happens while you're making other plans." -John Lennon
A couple of truths: EVERYONE goes through a MASSIVE metamorphosis between 20 and 26. This is why it's NUTS to hope for a long-term relationship with SOMEONE that age--they simply won't be who they were after a very short time.
Fixed that for ya...
As many people said - get councelling ASAP and if the people you're currently talking to don't consider feeling somewhat suicidal an emergency, have a look around and see if there are other places who will make time for you. Also, have a look around if there are any charities/churches that have counsellors. My wife worked for one of those for a little while and it was just a matter of walking through the door - no appointments necessary.
And as some other people have said, forget about the "stigma" of going through counselling. IMHO it's a load of male bovine excrement (the stigma, not the counselling, OK?). You need someone to talk to who can look at your situation in a neutral fashion and without emotional involvement (which pretty much rules out family members; family support helps, though). I thought that counselling was something that was strictly for other people until my stepdad (who I thought was my dad and is down as such on my birth certificate) sent me a letter that he wasn't my dad and eventually left my life completely. Guess what, I went to have some counselling and it did help. Never tried the happy pills though and I really wouldn't want to.
Everybody develops and changes as they kinda try to figure out what this life thing is all about. I guess the rate of changes slows down a bit once you hit 30 and hopefully by then you're more comfortable with yourself but nevertheless people change.
One thing I found is that over time, you tend to go from looking for a relationship that has to be perfect in everything to working out what is really important to you and learn to live with the rest. I think it's called maturity 
and I abhor the concept 
.
At some point people might figure out that for them, it's more important to be with the right person even if they live far away (for example, my wife is currently 11 hours away from me and that's timezones, not travelling time) or if it's other imperfections that you can live with as long as the person is right there, right now. No offence, but you'd have to have an extremely mature 21 yo to have learned that.
All in all, keep a couple of things in mind, maybe that'll help:
Most of us have been through problems like this at some time or other. It's never pleasant and the abyss you stare into may look too deep to contemplate but it isn't. You will get through and if you get the right sort of help it'll be easier. It won't be pain free but that part is unfortunately called "learning experience".
I agree find some councelling services. Most of the time churches have many areas to help you find the right one.
For me I went through a long depression period after my parents passed away (3 months apart) and then I lost my job of 7 years.
Tried various anti-depressants, and couselling. Couple of the anti-depressants worked and some made me loopy. Enough so that it affected the way I autocrossed and even went through my day. Some made me felt in a daze all day, and definitely didn't like that. Couselling was rough for me since our counsellor wasn't in the right frame of mind.
Something that may help you is to find some sort of outlet for yourself. Martial Arts has helped me alot due to being able to get aggression and feelings out by punching and kicking bags. Helps you to focus and get some energy and feel positive about yourself. Also gets you out and with others.
well just as an update, I'm on antidepressants now. Because I was eating a few times a week and having trouble sleeping, my doctor put me on remeron, which has side effects of making you sleepy and increasing your appetite. I'm still not eating much though. I haven't seen a professional for my issues, but I did talk them over with my family doctor. I called my ex and told her everything I was going through, and told her it wasn't all her fault but that I thought she should know about it. She has continued to say "maybe" and "I don't know" anytime I try to see her or anytime I tell her how much I'd like to get back with her. She said that she didn't disappear, that she was still there, and that she thought we would just spend some time apart. I told her I didn't want to be like her father (who stayed married to her mother through multiple affairs and craziness, hoping she would change) and I think that hurt her/hit home.
I'm pushing hard to see her this week and get an answer on some of my questions, but I'm not sure how it will work out. If someone loves you and wants to make things work, they would also want to see you. I don't know if she thinks she is helping by dragging her feet (maybe by letting me down easy?) or if she really isn't sure.
She called me crying on sunday telling me about some problems she's had with her family, and told me she has no one else to talk to about them. She told me that I've always been there for her. I wanted to see her right away, but of course, it "wasn't a good time."
On my own, I'm starting to realize that even if she took me back right now, I'd still have some issues that I need to work through. Her and I getting back together wouldn't solve everything. Thats difficult to admit. I'm starting to learn who my true friends are and I've got a few people I feel confident I can tell everything to, that care about me greatly, and that check in on me. My family has been great and very supportive.
The bad is that the antidepressants have been making me feel groggy, and combined with my sinus infection, its hard for me to wake up in the mornings. Even when I do wake up, my first hour or two awake feel like if I closed my eyes, I'd fall back asleep. My dr told me these should be temporary side effects that would get better. I've only been on the meds a few days and he said they should be helping me after a week. I think they have already started helping stabilize my moods, but I'm also worried that they might make me "not care." right now I feel like I dont want to be at work.. this isn't an unusual feeling, but its different than it has been before. I feel like my job is pointless and I'd rather be out doing something, but there is nothing to do. So I'm going to have to continue to take these meds and see how things go.
Hmmm....on the upside you are a Lawyer in Martinsburg, WV.
Next to the Bait Store/Drive-Thru/Tanning/Mini-Storage Owner....you are more than likely the Most Eligible Bachelor in town.
Good Luck.
STAY AWAY FROM HER.
Seriously. She's what caused you to be in this situation now.
Run away. Stop hurting yourself.
93celicaGT2 wrote: STAY AWAY FROM HER. Seriously. She's what caused you to be in this situation now. Run away. Stop hurting yourself.
Plus a gazillion. If you hit youself on the hand with an hammer and it hurts like hell then you stop hitting yourself, right? This is NO DIFFERENT. Get away and stay away.
Jensenman wrote:93celicaGT2 wrote: STAY AWAY FROM HER. Seriously. She's what caused you to be in this situation now. Run away. Stop hurting yourself.Plus a gazillion. If you hit youself on the hand with an hammer and it hurts like hell then you stop hitting yourself, right? This is NO DIFFERENT. Get away and stay away.
Plus another Gazillion. It doesn't make her a bad person or you a bad person, but having her in your life is causing you problems. You are trying to get better and this is one of the toxins in your life. If you want to get better, remove the toxin.
You still need to look at couseling. Seriously, professional, church, YMCA, support group something. The meds might be stabilizing, but you are not adressing core issues in your head.
Thanks for the updates, there are a lot of peaple pullin for ya.
Hit up craigslists and post in Male seeking female section >>>>> young lawyer/paper writer seeks caring NSA <no strings attached relationship with young professional girl , friends first then see where it goes . Lets hook up for dinner/ burger and some small talk . Sorta lonely and want to get back into the fun things in life .I have been working to hard want to smell the roses and some perfume ! Not looking for long term just a friend to have fun with and maybe we can shoot the breeze . I am into Long drives to fun out of the way places or just around the block to the bowling alley .
Fell free to cut and paste this , stay off facecraqp and change your cell # , Doctors orders no contact with ex !!
Hey Andrave, I have been in the depression funk before and the BEST thing you can do for it is get out and try to get your mind off of it.
This weekend up in Cumberland we are having our historics weekend (autocross mostly, but showing off cars as well). I am 90% sure we can get you entered to run if you wanted to, if not spectating is free. http://www.nationalroadrally.com/ Friday we have some cars on display at Cumberlands "friday after 5" shindig (live music and everything in downtown)
Come on up and introduce yourself (I am the tall skinny redhead with the mustang in my av and I respond to Joe or "MustangBoy"), I have a solid feeling that getting out will help you a lot.
for more info on events and locations refer to the nationalroadrally site or you can email our marketing guy who will tell you the whats and whens and can get you registered (dave@mcclarranwilliams.com)
thats cool.. Im actually planning a trip back to morgantown this weekend to spend some time with my family. I'm trying to have a face to face meeting with my ex so we can talk about this like adults instead of over aim messenger... I think its easier that way. I just need to see her face to face and get her to make a decision... it will be easier for me to accept things that way.
I'm checking out your website now, the event sounds pretty cool. all I have is an 02 pathfinder now so I can't run any autoX though I appreciate the invite.
I might try to get my brother or one of my friends to meet me there. If I see you I will say hi.
Drop on by, as I said, anything to get your mind off of it. Plus the more people to BS with fun car stories the merrier.
We have events every month of the summer and on August 7-9 we have the hillclimb in Flintstone and can always use more cornerworkers (ends up better then free if you work as free food is involved and a tee shirt, there is on site free camping for that one as well)
andrave wrote: I'm checking out your website now, the event sounds pretty cool. all I have is an 02 pathfinder now so I can't run any autoX though I appreciate the invite.
I don't know how y'all do it over at y'all's place..but over here, it's not unheard of for more than one person to drive the same car..
andrave, it sounds like you should at least go hang out. Or offer some help, even if it's just chalking cones (or picking them up! Some of us enjoy working the course, instead of seeing it as a chore) or making sure the radio batteries are charged.
And the docs are right about the meds, sometimes it takes awhile to get used to them, and sometimes they're not quite right for your personal chemistry. I'm not against meds, even though I'm not on them right now-it's just that the one that actually seemed to work for me isn't on my insurance co.'s "approved" list.
I didn't read all of the responses, but it looks like you've gotten some good advice.
I've suffered and struggled with depression all my life, and so have many of my family and friends. I decided to write down what helped me - I hope you find it useful as well:
lhttp://kevscatharsis.blogspot.com/2009/02/get-funk-out.html
Andrave, you have PM (email) with some basic directions and my phone number in case you get lost.
Hope to see you if you decide to come out!
Mental wrote:Jensenman wrote:Plus another Gazillion. It doesn't make her a bad person or you a bad person, but having her in your life is causing you problems. You are trying to get better and this is one of the toxins in your life. If you want to get better, remove the toxin.93celicaGT2 wrote: STAY AWAY FROM HER. Seriously. She's what caused you to be in this situation now. Run away. Stop hurting yourself.Plus a gazillion. If you hit youself on the hand with an hammer and it hurts like hell then you stop hitting yourself, right? This is NO DIFFERENT. Get away and stay away.
I'll ad another plus berkeleytillion
You're missing that she is the source of this pain and that taking her back will solve nothing. She'll leave again/stray in no time.
The absolute BEST thing you can do is remove her from your life. I've BEEN through this--as much as it seems like the only thing that makes sense, trust me--it's not. She's not solving any problems--she's creating them.
You NEVER want to be in a position in life where a negative force has so much influence on your well-being. You're setting yourself up to be a victim--don't do that. Empower yourself.
One day you'll wake up and say "holy E36 M3--I'm OK" and it'll be an amazing day. It'll be even better when you meet another woman and you realize how empowering/affirming that can be.
...or don't listen to us--what do we know??? 
That's this weekend? Sweet, see you guys on Sunday! Not racing, I'll be up on the bike and probably muddy. If you make it out Andrave, I'll buy you both a beer. Weather's supposed to be beautiful Sunday and nothing makes you feel better than fresh air, sunshine, and a bunch of cobra's burning rubber, if only for a little while.
Apexcarver wrote: Hey Andrave, I have been in the depression funk before and the BEST thing you can do for it is get out and try to get your mind off of it. This weekend up in Cumberland we are having our historics weekend (autocross mostly, but showing off cars as well). I am 90% sure we can get you entered to run if you wanted to, if not spectating is free. http://www.nationalroadrally.com/ Friday we have some cars on display at Cumberlands "friday after 5" shindig (live music and everything in downtown) Come on up and introduce yourself (I am the tall skinny redhead with the mustang in my av and I respond to Joe or "MustangBoy"), I have a solid feeling that getting out will help you a lot. for more info on events and locations refer to the nationalroadrally site or you can email our marketing guy who will tell you the whats and whens and can get you registered (dave@mcclarranwilliams.com)
Dave, what you dont know is that Gimp is co-driving one of those tire burning cobras this weekend... one with steamroller sized bias-plys!
(in case anyone is confused, Capitol Area Cobra Club comes to our events in fairly strong numbers)
andrave wrote: I'm trying to have a face to face meeting with my ex so we can talk about this like adults instead of over aim messenger... I think its easier that way. I just need to see her face to face and get her to make a decision... it will be easier for me to accept things that way.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record (yeah I know WTF is a record) this is the LAST thing you need to do. At this point I have to say this is not HER decision- YOU need to make the decision to drop her like a bad habit. Otherwise, you are only prolonging the agony; hitting yourself with the hammer again and again.
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