dealing with Stress

There is nothing wrong with doing just your work. It doesn't make you a bad worker. Recently we had a co-worker move to greener pastures. Prior to this they "right sized" our group which means every person had a purpose and there was no overlap or room for such change.

Our leadership has no intention of backfilling the position. In my younger days I'd have gone the extra mile, put in more time and more effort and made sure everything stayed afloat. And in those days at the ripe young age of 27 it put me in the hospital for a week long stay. At the end of it all did my extra effort and sacrifice net me a better life, more money, greater appreciation from my bosses? Nope. But It helped me learn a very important lesson.

Sometimes you just gotta say berkeley it. My bosses have asked me to pick up some of the duties of the departed co-worker. I told them which duties I currently had that I thought could be sacrificed so that I could find time and they agreed. I told them I'd be going on permanent work from home 2 days a week to give me "quiet time" to accomplish this work without interruption, they agreed. They pay me for 40 hours each week, I give them 40 hours each week, I do not stress one iota about what doesn't get done if it doesn't fit in that 40 hours as long as I know I've managed my time well. If it was important to them, they'd pay people to do it.

So how do I deal with stress? By not having it. Seriously, you start by recognizing when you are stressing and asking yourself what you can do to eliminate that source of stress. Ask yourself what is the WORST, honestly worst that could happen. For me the answer most times is I'd loose my job, and yeah, that would suck. But I've also been able to find so many upsides to being out of a job that I almost look forward to getting laid off some days. When you learn to look at life that way, its a lot easier.

I have never accomplished anything by worrying whether it would get done or not.

Go see your doc. Get cleared on the medical front. The numbers you quoted for an in shape person doesn't jibe with me with just stress or being annoyed.

etifosi wrote: And even though my advise should be tempered with the advise that my advise usually sucks.......Please heed your body's warnings, we don't want you blowing the welds on your intake

FTFY

I will sum up with cliches because this is the internet and you aren't going to listen to us anyway (:-P)

Worries are problems you don't really have.

On your deathbed you will not wish you worked just a little harder.

You can't buy a single second of extra time no matter how much money you make.

It's not the load that breaks you, it's how you carry it.

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

The mark of a successful man is one that has spent an entire day on the bank of a river without feeling guilty about it.

Make sure you email this post to 10 people.............

Marijuana. One simple word, I dont beleive you qualify for medical but I dont either yet had I not smoked I would not be alive today. If you believe in god, he planted it and he knows its safer than "his blood" red wine. If you dont believe then it was aliens who planted it to cure our many illnesses. Did you know you have canabanoid receptors in your brain your not using properly? It takes "meditating" to the next level and all your worries wash away.

Someone had to suggest it.

^Helps some of my friends who can't stop stressing out about things...

Well, some of this is all well and good in theory, but I know what mad_machine does. I've had that job in a past life. The show goes on when it goes on and if it doesn't there's hell to pay. You get into a mindset where you take pride in making sure the show happens on time. It's hard to sit back and watch that not happen. I couldn't do it.

Some really good advice from the GRM hive mind here. I'm gonna chime in with my anxiety-ridden, OCD-derived 2¢.
Always been one of those who'll flog themselves to death, and remain convinced that i didn't do enough, and that everyone's pissed, I'm going to be fired tomorrow, and what's the use since I'll eventually end up living in a dumpster anyway...

Ended up with stress-induced migraines and actually passed out in the Chicago airport after a run of travel and snowmaggedon cancellations. Doc suggested Ativan, but I'd rather find natural ways to get my zen on, rather than mind-altering substances (no judgement if that works for you, but I'm an über-addictive personality type, so it's too uncomfortable for me). I keep a yoga mat in my room. When I feel my shoulders tense up at the computer, if I answer too many emails with a snarled berkeley OFF, if the cats are avoiding me... I unroll it and force myself to do some stretches - not half-assed ones where I'm still mentally flagellating myself over comments made on one of my reviews by some neandertroll – but slow, methodical, concentrated breathing. It helps. Also: drink! Water, I mean.

Lesley wrote: Ended up with stress-induced migraines

oh hey you too? i'm a pretty type-B, go-with-the-flow guy and an optimist so when stuff really gets under my skin i subconsciously bury it and it always, always comes back in the form of a killer migraine not much later. the only solution for me is to sleep it off. sort of my body's way of saying "hey shiny happy person, unplug and chill out or i'll do it for you." stretching, hydration, and exercise have all been awesome at keeping them away.

OP, to keep it dead-nuts simple i'd say focus on three thing: get exercise, get sleep, and focus on only your own situation. it sounds like your stress is connected to what you can't control (other people being useless clowns), so just accept its outside your responsibilities/solutions and keep being awesome at your specific tasks. at the end of the day, tell everybody at work to F off and go for a good drive.

Lesley wrote: Some really good advice from the GRM hive mind here. I'm gonna chime in with my anxiety-ridden, OCD-derived 2¢. Always been one of those who'll flog themselves to death, and remain convinced that i didn't do enough, and that everyone's pissed, I'm going to be fired tomorrow, and what's the use since I'll eventually end up living in a dumpster anyway... Ended up with stress-induced migraines and actually passed out in the Chicago airport after a run of travel and snowmaggedon cancellations. Doc suggested Ativan, but I'd rather find natural ways to get my zen on, rather than mind-altering substances (no judgement if that works for you, but I'm an über-addictive personality type, so it's too uncomfortable for me). I keep a yoga mat in my room. When I feel my shoulders tense up at the computer, if I answer too many emails with a snarled berkeley OFF, if the cats are avoiding me... I unroll it and force myself to do some stretches - not half-assed ones where I'm still mentally flagellating myself over comments made on one of my reviews by some neandertroll – but slow, methodical, concentrated breathing. It helps. Also: drink! Water, I mean.

I've been thinking about starting Yoga at home for this reason, as well as whatever core strength it could help with.

On that last point, drink water--yes, do that, but WHAT HELPS ME is a drink. Just 1-2. That means no more than 24oz of beer, or 2oz of hard alcohol, or 8oz of wine. One gets me in a good mood. 2 I'm still doing well. 3, and any benefits are gone for the long term--that is when I start to get "addicted" to the point of I need it to get to sleep. Keeping it under 2, and I'm relaxed and happy, with no negative effects other than a larger belly.

Ian F wrote: Well, some of this is all well and good in theory, but I know what mad_machine does. I've had that job in a past life. The show goes on when it goes on and if it doesn't there's hell to pay. You get into a mindset where you take pride in making sure the show happens on time. It's hard to sit back and watch that not happen. I couldn't do it.

Ian is too right here... I personally have worked with both a broken foot and a ripped apart shoulder (not at the same time).. the show -has- to go on. No ifs, No buts, it has to go on.

I have to thank you all for one bit advice. I have been ignoring my own needs and pushing aside my daily meditation for a while... but when you are working ungodly hours (did 11 yesterday, starting at 5am) it makes it hard not just to come home and crash.

It's not healthy, but in bringing out my koans and reading.. I can see where I have let fear get far too much into my life recently.

Lesley wrote: not half-assed ones where I'm still mentally flagellating myself over comments made on one of my reviews by some neandertroll

Oh damn, it is extremely bad for your health to have a job like yours and not be able to laugh off troll comments. You have to understand that half of them just want to get a rise out of you and the other half are pitiable manchildren exploding with impotent anger.

mad_machine wrote:

Ian F wrote: Well, some of this is all well and good in theory

Ian is too right here... I personally have worked with both a broken foot and a ripped apart shoulder (not at the same time).. the show -has- to go on. No ifs, No buts, it has to go on.

No, actually you are both wrong. Not in that the show doesn't go on... but that you have to go with it. It is only in the practice of those theories where you get better. You are not your job. You can do your job without hinging your sanity or health on the outcome by spending your give-a-berkeleys elsewhere.

Because when your ass is pushing daisies the show will still go on without you. Remember that.

Oh... and yeah. Weed.

Your polyvagal nerve cluster controls stress response, it takes it's cues from your breathing. It tells your brain and body if you were safe or not based on breathing patterns. If you were a caveman and walked around a corner and saw a mountain lion, your response would be to breath in deeply (gasp for air) in order to prepare for flight or flight, this causes the polyvagal portion of your brain to begin a sequence of events, your digestion, immune, healing, etc. stop functioning to conserve energy, your adreanal glands excrete adrenaline to help with fight or flight and so on.

The situations where you are "unsafe" your body has a tendency not to fully exhale in order to prevent an unforeseen threat from catching you without the aforementioned air in your lungs, triggering a similar response to the last paragraph but on a more subtle scale.

But.... If you are safe your body responds differently, you exhale fully signaling your polyvagal nerve cluster to trigger a dopamine, and ceritonin increase , and digestion, as well as immune, and healing response etc. resume. The key to stress relief and the reason meditation, martial arts and yoga is the breathing, all of these activities focus on deep breathing exercises. Deep exhale is the key to stress relief, do maybe five sets a day of deep breath, full exhale, repeat maybe five times consecutively, it will change your life, it has certainly changed mine, best of luck.

I apologize for what I'm sure are a multitude of spelling errors.

Yeah, but every once in a while, they just get right up my nose. And every berkeleying second one of them is Ayrton Senna.

GameboyRMH wrote:

Lesley wrote: not half-assed ones where I'm still mentally flagellating myself over comments made on one of my reviews by some neandertroll

Oh damn, it is extremely bad for your health to have a job like yours and not be able to laugh off troll comments. You have to understand that half of them just want to get a rise out of you and the other half are pitiable manchildren exploding with impotent anger.

In reply to Giant Purple Snorklewacker:

Again. It's theater work. I'm not saying you're wrong, but it's not the kind of job where you can easily ration your "give-a-berkeleys". Even in my engineering job I would still do this when it comes to getting a project out. Only recently have I finally been able to reliquish that perceived responsibility.

This is also why there's a lot of burn-out in the theater industry.

But in theater it's a lot harder. There are tasks to be done. If nobody else is doing them, then you do them. It can't wait 'til tomorrow. It's basically dependant on "somebody" taking that on that role. Sometimes it can be surprising who will step up and take charge when required. It could be someone nobody would have thought had it in them.

Sometimes it can be dangerous. Like with a bulb burns out 5 min before start time. And you find yourself dangling off a 40' high cat-walk changing a bulb with your fall-protection consisting of another guy holding your legs.

I hear you. I have an employee here that I can actually feel the tension build whenever I hear her grating berkeleying voice...

It takes lots of working out and meditating to regain composure.

Something else that helps me a lot is this Fight Club I joined. It's really fun. There were some rules you have to follow but I showed up late and missed them. I'm sure they weren't important.

I go outside and look at the name on the building. If it's mine I get stressed. If not I let it go - I don't own it all.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote:

mad_machine wrote:

Ian F wrote: Well, some of this is all well and good in theory

Ian is too right here... I personally have worked with both a broken foot and a ripped apart shoulder (not at the same time).. the show -has- to go on. No ifs, No buts, it has to go on.

No, actually you are both wrong. Not in that the show doesn't go on... but that you have to go with it. It is only in the practice of those theories where you get better. You are not your job. You can do your job without hinging your sanity or health on the outcome by spending your give-a-berkeleys elsewhere. Because when your ass is pushing daisies the show will still go on without you. Remember that. Oh... and yeah. Weed.

^this. You want to relieve the stress of "the show must go on" grow a pair and flat out tell your bosses here's where we are lacking, here's why, and here's how we will fail if YOU don't change it. Once you've openly identified the issue you'll be surprised how much the stress drops off.

I work in IT in a large company that still tries to operate as a small company, I design and try to implement process controls so we can stop acting like a small company. To date many people do not accept this change because "it works for us" I have cautioned them that it will cease to work for them, and when it does it will most likely mean a catastrophic failure of an IT system. I have designed the procedures to avoid this, I have trained people on the procedures to avoid this, I have developed software to track and aid in these procedures. But if the proverbial horse won't drink I don't stress the outcome, I've done my job, I've done it well. That does not assure success.

And if any of us get hit by a bus tomorrow the show will go on...it always does.

chiodos wrote: Marijuana. One simple word, I dont beleive you qualify for medical but I dont either yet had I not smoked I would not be alive today. If you believe in nicolas cage, he planted it and he knows its safer than "his blood" red wine. If you dont believe then it was aliens who planted it to cure our many illnesses. Did you know you have canabanoid receptors in your brain your not using properly? It takes "meditating" to the next level and all your worries wash away. Someone had to suggest it.

This is a real double edged sword. I know it helps a lot of people but like any drug, if you aren't careful it turns into a crutch, one you can't lean on indefinitely. I learned this the hard way 3 semesters into engineering school, at which point I was doing very well, and getting high every weekend and then some. I did not comprehend how much stress I was saving up to burn off with weed on the weekends, until I quit to clean up for co-op. I identify that as the beginning/trigger of my academic downfall. It was all downhill from there, I kinda went crazy after that from all the stress, dark places to put it shortly, and lightly. Should have dropped out 2 semesters later, did drop out 3 semesters later.

Also, Dude, marijuana is not the preferred nomenclature. Cannabis, please.

JG Pasterjak wrote: Don't get lulled by the siren song of catharsis. Venting those negative emotions in the form of violent behaviors just reinforces the emotions even more. It's a vicious circle. http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/08/11/catharsis/ Exercise is good. Both physical and mental. Buddhist readings can make excellent thought exercises, and many of them deal with exactly the kinds of things you're trying to work on: Letting go of fear and anger, understanding that you are largely a passenger or observer when it comes to much of the universe. Just a few minutes of buddhist readings can lead to ours of deep contemplation, which is kind of the whole point I suppose.

I agree, to a point. The trick is, to use the catharsis to bring yourself to a calm state to where you can better reason your way out. When you're distressed to the max, getting down is job one. Cathartic behavior can be very effective as a self.soothe mechanism.

Kenny_McCormic wrote:

chiodos wrote:

This is a real double edged sword. I know it helps a lot of people but like any drug, if you aren't careful it turns into a crutch, one you can't lean on indefinitely. I learned this the hard way 3 semesters into engineering school, at which point I was doing very well, and getting high every weekend and then some. I did not comprehend how much stress I was saving up to burn off with weed on the weekends, until I quit to clean up for co-op. I identify that as the beginning/trigger of my academic downfall. It was all downhill from there, I kinda went crazy after that from all the stress, dark places to put it shortly, and lightly. Should have dropped out 2 semesters later, did drop out 3 semesters later. Also, Dude, marijuana is not the preferred nomenclature. Cannabis, please.

As everyone knows it effects everyone differently. personally I did not smoke in college, was totally against the stuff.I had extreme social anxiety, I would never leave my room, suicidal, self-mutilative the lot. I dropped out after one semester luckily still alive. Started smoking but after I left and it took a couple years to sort out my mind but today I am 100% of the person I should have been my whole life and it was all because of stress, and anxiety. Im not saying wacky tobaccy is the best fix for stress but for me, it saved my life countless times and I think if I took up yoga I wouldnt be here ranting. That said it most definitely is double edged, you need self restraint or a job where it doesnt matter if your high. I still need to work on my stress without cannabis but my Berkeleyometer has been reset to that of a rastaman.

Ps there are TONS of natural stress relievers at your local grocery. St johns warts for examplem they work for my dad now he doesnt smoke but didnt work well enough for me. It may help you though. Also stress balls seem dumb but they help take your mind off things

Lesley wrote: Yeah, but every once in a while, they just get right up my nose. And every berkeleying second one of them is Ayrton Senna.

To get rid of that sort, then, you only need be unyielding. An immovable object. Like that of the barrier on the outside of Tamburello corner.

To dovetail off of Leslie's ideas. I would say, develop a ritual for yourself when you get stressed. Something where you go out and do a little thing for 5 minutes and that is all that you are doing. I'm fortunate that I work at a brewery and can go to the bar, pour myself a third of a pint, and sit out on the patio with it for a few minutes. But find what works for you: yoga, fix a cup of tea, cat pictures on the internet, do sudoku or a crossword or some other little puzzle that there is no pressure to complete.