Exercised my Constitutional Rights

I think I've told this story before, but it's a good one. A friend got pulled over one night because the red tape on his broken tail light was faded. Knowing it was a BS stop, but also not really knowing his rights and knowing he had nothing to hide, he let the cop search. His car was a complete mess. Everything was going fine until the cop found his oil checking rag, which happened to be an old pair of whitey tighties, with dark brown oil streaks all over it. The cop flipped out, told him he was disgusting, and let him go. He also happened to drop his police issue Smith & Wesson switch blade knife in Quinn's car, which he later gave to me for fixing his tire.

One time I was driving my ambulance (with all the race crap in it) to work at a government facility. After going through the gate I saw they were pulling over random cars to search. One of the base cops that I know was standing in the road getting ready to pick out another car so I stopped beside him and asked if he wanted to search my ambulance. He just laughed and said "no, it would take too long and I didn't pack a lunch".

I got pulled over after getting lost in a little neighborhood. I had just bought a retracting air hose real and had it in the back of my truck. A pesky porker in a undercover Vic started following me. I was lost and the streets are blocked of so you cannot just drive out of the neighborhood. Well as soon as I find my way out I get hit with the blue and whites. The guy asks me what I'm up to and I explain buying the hose reel. He asks about how much I paid, did I steal it, etc. The damn thing must weigh 25-30 pounds and I had to help the seller take it down by holding it up so I was a bit sweaty. Not the type of high value stuff I'd steal if I was a thief. The guy basically gave me 20 questions and mentions there have been a bunch of burglaries in the neighborhood. After he figures I'm honest he mentions, "oh and you have to put your turn signals on 100ft before turning." I had used my signals but couldn't figure the easiest way out so I guess getting lost is a suspicious activity. If getting lost was illegal I'd be in jail!

If you really want to throw the K9 off put some road kill scent on your car or cat piss. Dogs have a one tract mind and if you tap into their natural preferences they cannot think about drugs, guns, etc. a piece of dead meat is all a dog really wants.

When I was 14, if you wanted to say something, there wasn't the internet. You had to say it to that person's face and get punched. That's the way it's supposed to be. That's my right. It's in the constitution. The first amendment is freedom of speech. But the second amendment is the right to bear arms. So you can say whatever you want, but you might get [bleep] SHOT. The right to bear a bullet wound, that should be the third amendment. We don't even know what the third amendment is, do we? Does anybody know what the third amendment is? What? Assembly? No, that's the first one. Freedom of speech and assembly. What? [man shouting indistinctly] THERE'S ALWAYS ONE ASS[bleep] That knows. What is it? What is it? Yell it out. You don't have to quarter troops during peacetime That's right. How did you know that? I saw you at the brea improv. Saw me at the brea improv. [laughter] [cheers and applause] Okay, let's be honest. Does anybody that hasn't seen me .. Did anybody know what the third amendment is? We know what's the first amendment. We know the second. We know the fourth and fifth, but nobody knows the third. Nobody's ever argued the third. Nobody's ever taken the third or cited the third. I'm the only one who uses it, 'cause nobody knows what the hell I'm talking about. I got pulled over the other day. The cop goes, "you know, you're driving alone in " I go, "yep, that's my third " [laughter] "I don't have any friends, and according to the third, you cannot discriminate " when I go into a gas station, I go, "oh, can I use " " "not according to the third. Give me that hubcap keychain thing, or I'll shut this place " I even use it to get out of jury duty. Yeah, I go, "you cannot quarter me in any jury. That's my third amendment " and even the judge had to look it up. I take the third all the time, every day. And then if somebody tries to call me on it, they go, "uh-uh-uh-uh. " that's when I take the fifth. [laughter] >> None of it matters. The world is falling apart. The world's melting.