From Donk to Dork

http://jalopnik.com/5380680/15m-russian-suv-features-diamonds-whale-penis-leather

LOLCars $1.5M Russian SUV Features Diamonds, Whale Penis Leather By Ben Wojdyla, 2:00 PM on Tue Oct 13 2009, 52,934 views (Edit, to draft, Slurp) Copy this whole post to another site Slurp cancel select site advertising consumerist deadspin defamer fleshbot gay fleshbot gawker gizmodo idolator io9 jalopnik jezebel kotaku lifehacker valleywag artists gawkershop sploid
Whale penis leather interior. That's all you really need to know about the $1.5 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition. Yes, the diamond-encrusted white gold gauges and gold-plated bulletproof windows are impressive, but seriously, whale penis leather interior.

The already bulletproof and wildly over-the-top 8.1 liter GM V8-powered Dartz Kombat T98 is getting a name change to Prombron and along with it will come a complete and brain-maimingly bourgeoisie upgrade with the Monaco Red Diamond Edition. The world's most expensive ultra-luxury SUV will debut at the 2010 Top Marques Monaco show with luxe features crazy enough to make a Maybach blush. For your $1.5 million you get the following features:

1. Ruby Red matte paint
2. Gold-plated bulletproof windows
3. 22" Kremlin Red Star bulletproof wheels
4. Whale Penis Leather interior
5. Tungsten exhaust
6. Tungsten and white gold gauges with diamonds and rubies
7. White gold diamond and ruby encrusted badges - grill, side and dashboard
8. Special edition Vertu mobile phone with "alert" button
9. Additional outside kevlar coating
10. Rogue Acoustic Audio System.

And, of course, of course - THREE BOTTLES OF World Most Expensive Vodka - RussoBaltique Vodka, drink edition, same as in the RussoBaltique car when it visited Monaco at 1912.

We have a lot of questions about this car, most of them whale penis leather-related, but in the bigger picture, this brazen finger-in-the-eye raises a good point, so to speak. What makes a luxury vehicle? Things we used to think of as luxury - bovine leather, wood trim, high-end audio, etc., have become mainstream. Does it take exceptionally ridiculous material selection and bold ostentatious flair to define new luxury? Is it encapsulating yourself in a vehicle capable of taking a direct hit from a rocket propelled grenade? Does it mean emulating the wild excess of past luxury much like the Red Diamond is doing? Who knows. But we're betting the tzars would roll in one of these babies.

Who else thinks the outside looks like it's made from Legos?

Whale penis leather interior? Bet it's water proof, but what about PETA?

I am wondering why you would want a whale penis interior.

In reply to 914Driver:

I cant imagine driving a... a whale penis leather car... can you imagine telling your friends?

Russia cracks me up.

well, I bet it is soft inside?

Why on earth is Lenin on that poster? A $1.5M diamond -studded SUV upholstered with the schlongs of sea mammals is like communist kryptonite.

Jay wrote: Why on earth is Lenin on that poster? A $1.5M diamond -studded SUV upholstered with the schlongs of sea mammals is like communist kryptonite.

-One for the mag.

That thing makes the H2 look downright classy.

Lenin is russia's baby jesus.

seriously.

russia is all f'd up. You ever been over there? I spent half a year in ukraine.

in soviet russia, suv whale penises you!

mad_machine wrote: well, I bet it is soft inside?

It's an adaptive material that adjusts to the hotness of the occupants

First comment on Jalopnick said: Leather, from the biggest dick in the world, for the biggest dick in the world.

I would hate to be the guy skinning the whale penis.

I do believe that is a job even an American won't do. I wonder if they have any immigrants in Russia.

Wait, did we just have a thread on here about Dorks that did not have anything to do with post counts?!

I was sorta hoping it was actually going to be a thread about donks so i could show off the Dynasty im lifting..

Its only partly done being lifted.. Im hoping to be able to switch back and forth from 27 inch ATV tires to 22" chrome wheels with no other changes... dual purpose

I am absolutely certian that for 99% of the women I know, that interior would be a deal breaker.

"So, your place or mine?"

"Yours is fine, say this is really nice leather, what is it?"

"Its um....whale penis..."

"Wow, I just forgot I have an early audition tomorrow, maybe I should grab a cab..."

What do the whales say about this?

96DXCivic wrote: I am wondering why you would want a whale penis interior.

Are you kidding me? I can't remember a single time I have ridden in an expensive luxury car and not though "Needs more whale penis"

Does that mean you have to pull down the skin to see the head rest. I hope they cleaned in the folds.

The thing actually looks obnoxious and big enough to literally drive over other motorists (in their proletariat-spec Ladas.)

Just needs a pair of those redneck "trucks nuts" dangling from the tow-bar, in the shape of whale testicles, of course. Preferably in full-scale.

Vigo wrote: I was sorta hoping it was actually going to be a thread about donks so i could show off the Dynasty im lifting..

Needs more whale penis.

That's it...I need a whale penis skinned interior for the Miata now. I figure it shouldn't cost too much, right? I mean, the Miata is small enough that one penis should do it, I think???

petegossett wrote: That's it...I *need* a whale penis skinned interior for the Miata now. I figure it shouldn't cost too much, right? I mean, the Miata is small enough that one penis should do it, I think???

One penis is enough for my miata.