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JG Pasterjak
JG Pasterjak Production/Art Director
12/27/09 8:35 a.m.

Monkey style

The only thing that would have made this better for me is if the monkeys would have been successful in their escape attempt. Then maybe turned into some sort of monkey A-team, freeing animals in China's zoos from a life of forced servitude.

Seriously. At what point does someone think "Yeah, teaching these incredibly strong primates a deadly martial art would be great. I mean, monkeys never try ripping off faces or biting off genitals anyway, so what's the harm in turning them into muscle bound killbots?"

Gets my vote for the best story of the year I think.

Followed closely by Dr. Orgasm. Long story short: UK Doctor is being sued by patient who claims he gave her two "leg buckling" orgasms during an exam.

Not pictured: The hundreds of his other patients who want her to shut the hell up and stop ruining it for everyone.

It probably doesn't hurt that he looks a lot like Daniel Craig, too.

jg

Dr. Hess
Dr. Hess SuperDork
12/27/09 9:42 a.m.

Your doctor article is a prime example of why you ALWAYS have a female chaperone in the room when examining a female patient if the clothes are coming off or anything more than listening with a stethoscope or maybe pushing on a belly. It sounds like Ms. Bibi just had some kind of Doctor fetish going on and thought she could cash in on it American style. Hopefully the U.K. will get our legal system going in full force so we can laugh at them for a while.

Woody
Woody GRM+ Memberand SuperDork
12/27/09 10:03 a.m.

If I ever form a band, it will be called Taekwondo Monkeys.

Or, perhaps, Dr. Orgasm.

neon4891
neon4891 SuperDork
12/27/09 10:10 a.m.

the monkeys made me laugh

oldsaw
oldsaw HalfDork
12/27/09 10:46 a.m.

Did that woman sue BECAUSE she received two orgasms, or because she received ONLY two orgasms?

Woody
Woody GRM+ Memberand SuperDork
12/27/09 10:48 a.m.
oldsaw wrote: Did that woman sue BECAUSE she received two orgasms, or because she received ONLY two orgasms?

Her HMO only paid for one.

Lesley
Lesley SuperDork
12/27/09 10:52 a.m.

I'm a little skeptical.... lying on a gurney with my legs in stirrups in front of a total stranger is the furthest thing from arousing that I can think of. Well, close to it anyway.

PHeller
PHeller HalfDork
12/27/09 11:25 a.m.

there is an easy way to find out the truth. Ask his wife.

but seriously, there was a nurse in the room. If she didn't notice anything out of the ordinary than Mrs. Giles must not be very...animated.

Trans_Maro
Trans_Maro HalfDork
12/27/09 11:35 a.m.
PHeller wrote: Mrs. Giles must not be very...animated.

She's British after all

Lesley
Lesley SuperDork
12/27/09 11:39 a.m.

Uh dude... so am I. Trust me, it's not all "lie back and think of the queen".

JG Pasterjak
JG Pasterjak Production/Art Director
12/27/09 11:43 a.m.

If your gynocologist puts on some Luther Vandross and lights some candles before the exam, thou should raise some red flags.

jg

Woody
Woody GRM+ Memberand SuperDork
12/27/09 12:09 p.m.
JG Pasterjak wrote: If your gynocologist puts on some Luther Vandross and lights some candles before the exam, thou should raise some red flags. jg

What if he puts on some Luther Campbell?

M2Pilot
M2Pilot New Reader
12/27/09 12:12 p.m.

I've read that when monkies fight,they go the the face,biting off noses & ears, bite off fingers & literally try to "tear you a new shiny happy person",hence that phrase. Nasty little berkleyers.

JeepinMatt
JeepinMatt Reader
12/27/09 4:20 p.m.

That monkey story was the funniest thing I'd ever read in the news. Same goes for that picture.

Luke
Luke SuperDork
12/27/09 9:33 p.m.
Woody wrote: If I ever form a band, it will be called Taekwondo Monkeys. Or, perhaps, Dr. Orgasm.

'Dr.O and the Taekwondo Monkeys'

MrJoshua
MrJoshua SuperDork
12/27/09 9:44 p.m.
M2Pilot wrote: I've read that when monkies fight,they go the the face,biting off noses & ears, bite off fingers & literally try to "tear you a new shiny happy person",hence that phrase. Nasty little berkleyers.

Thats funny. So by teaching the monkeys TaeKwonDo he made them LESS dangerous.

M2Pilot
M2Pilot New Reader
12/27/09 10:08 p.m.

Maybe so, google Charla Nash. Nothing there about tearing a new shiny happy person but at least in one case makes me thing TaeKwonDo couldn't be any worse. Just remember, don't go ninjaing nobody that don't need ninjaing.

The_Jed
The_Jed Reader
12/27/09 10:23 p.m.

It's only a matter of time until a trained primate is released into the world of MMA, likely snatched up and signed to a fat contract by the UFC and then it will proceed to...oh,wait...

Brock Lesnar.

"Right turn Clyde."

Trans_Maro
Trans_Maro HalfDork
12/27/09 10:31 p.m.

I thought UFC was ALL primates.

Shawn

wayslow
wayslow Reader
12/27/09 10:38 p.m.
Dr. Hess wrote: Your doctor article is a prime example of why you ALWAYS have a female chaperone in the room when examining a female patient if the clothes are coming off or anything more than listening with a stethoscope or maybe pushing on a belly. It sounds like Ms. Bibi just had some kind of Doctor fetish going on and thought she could cash in on it American style. Hopefully the U.K. will get our legal system going in full force so we can laugh at them for a while.

I have a female family doctor. I've never had a male chaperone in the room with me. Of course nothing like she claimed happened to her has ever happened to me. If it had I wouldn't be sueing either. I'd also be sound asleep on the exam table two minutes after the exam.

The_Jed
The_Jed Reader
12/27/09 10:43 p.m.

Not all of them have severely sloped foreheads, prominent brow ridges and calloused knuckles from dragging on the ground. There are more than a few, though, that will make you point and say "Now there is a genetic throw back." I'll give you that.

The_Jed
The_Jed Reader
12/27/09 10:45 p.m.

Unless you're arguing semantics,then in that case we are all primates.

Trans_Maro
Trans_Maro HalfDork
12/27/09 11:36 p.m.

I guess we should differentiate by using the Apes/Monkeys distinction then.

Apes being further up the evolutionary ladder.

Then again, I've seen some pretty impressive monkeys (see above) and wouldn't want to berate said monkeys by comparing them to UFC fighters.

Shawn

Salanis
Salanis SuperDork
12/27/09 11:39 p.m.

All I can think of is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKdSXfPl8vY&feature=related

Dr. Hess
Dr. Hess SuperDork
12/28/09 7:49 a.m.
wayslow wrote: I have a female family doctor. I've never had a male chaperone in the room with me. Of course nothing like she claimed happened to her has ever happened to me. If it had I wouldn't be sueing either. I'd also be sound asleep on the exam table two minutes after the exam.

That's because men are not likely to sue female doctors for sexual abuse/assault.

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