How much do you have in common with your SO?

It was brought to our attention by another couple that we really have nothing in common. From our taste in music and movies to where we want to live and politics. And looking at it from an outside perspective I guess it's hard to see how our relationship works. In April we'll have been married 15 years and we've been together for 17 years total. The other couple questioned how we stay together with nothing in common, they have tons in common enough that it's almost like they're the same person. I don't have a good answer for that but we're as strong of a couple now as we have ever been. 

But I got to thinking if we are really an outlier. So how much do you have in common with your significant other?

My ex wife- we had almost nothing in common. She likes chicken and potatoes, crime shows, not gaming, not metal (she likes berkeleying country!) Cant cook for E36 M3, wasnt a fan of new weird food.  Would hang out in the bedroom all day watching TV,  and probably texting other dudes. 

Current swmbo, likes mostly the same music (when I get to the deeper side of deathcore she is a little offput) can cook, loves to try new foods, has gotten into gaming (plays gta, terraria,  forza a little, slime rancher. ) she does like crime shows, but is willing to shut them off if they're annoying me. Would rather hang out in the same room. However, we still have things we like to do that dont share with the other. 

My wife and I are so similar that she basically is just me with better tits. 

Except for music she thinks everything made after 1980 is garbage and I listen to weird EDM country and folk. 

Wife and I have Love of travel and eating in common. That's about it. She's from Jersey, I'm a lifelong hoosier. She leaned left (leaned, not so much anymore) politically, hated guns, didn't understand that cars are more than an appliance, lived in town etc. I grew up country, like my metal, cars and guns are a staple of life. We've been married 16 years and are as strong now as we were 16 years ago. We still have our differences (she's a saver, I'm a spender, I love books, she hates reading) but we've both changed and come towards the center of our differences. At times we act completely alike, others we are completely opposite. 

I don't know that there is an answer, but it works for us. 

My ex- and I had a few things in common - cars, mainly. Home improvement projects (as long as they were projects on her house and not mine).  Travel - as long as we went where she wanted to go.  Music was a mix.  While we definitely had some overlap there, she was not a fan of guitar-based music or metal (and being a guitarist, that was the majority of what I listened to).  We both like classical, so that was usually what we settled on for trips. We both like fantasy/sci-fi.  The biggest issue we had was she hated cycling and that is a big part of my life.  My next interest needs to be a rider as well. 

Personality-wise, we are quite different. She is a lot like her father: an engineer prone to flying off the handle (a "screamer") if something goes wrong. Likes to plan things and is not conducive to adjusting on the fly when plans go awry. I am the "scream-ee" as her mother once described us (I got along pretty well with her mother). I would quietly take it until I couldn't anymore. She is less "thing-oriented" than I am and tends to not develop attachment to her possessions - I attribute this to the fact she grew up in one place her entire life. I grew up more transient, so for me "home" is less about an actual place and more about where my "things" are.  As such, I tend to hang on to stuff longer than I should. This difference would cause a fair amount of friction between us.

Other then a love for dogs and our children we have nothing in common. We get along fantastic as long as I don't play too much country rap

I think this is one of those things where certain personality types/mixes need someone who's very similar so you "get" each other (wife and I are like this), and others are better/happy with someone who's very different. Different strokes required for different folks.

When we met, very little- we theorized (likely correctly) that were it not for internet dating that we likely would never have even seen each other as different as our lives were at that point. About the only thing that we've consistently had in common is political views (and to an extent, our views on religion). And a decent intersection of music- namely we both are very fond of older classic rock . When we're driving around town the radio is tuned to one of the two classic rock stations- on longer trips if we don't have the satellite radio or good enough service to stream from Amazon Music and we have to use the music on our phones it can get a bit testy.

But things do just work between us, and there's more intersection in our interests now, especially with my helping out on the technical aspects of her dance shows. 

Well, she doesn't much like seafood and prefers an environment temp 20-some degrees higher than I prefer. Other than that we share many similar quirks.

For me, having a bunch of overlap in things like movies, music, or hobbies isn't important. That stuff is all good, but it's not enough to sustain a relationship so it's always seemed kind of superficial to me. If you have it, great but there's got to be more too. It's much more important to me to have more in common regarding values, what you prioritize, and how you view things than what radio station you listen to.

Mrs317 and I have a pretty decent amount of "opposites attract" in our relationship when it comes to interests, and even personality types but we have quite a bit of overlap when it comes to our attitudes, outlooks, and priorities. I suppose this allows us to be ourselves, and still maintain a partnership where we're heading in the same direction.

Music, home style, food, sex, pets, cars, flying, sailing, vacations?

Patience?  She is way too blessed, I however have less every year.  WTH?

Quite a lot, actually. We are both middle-class white kids from the same small town in mid-Michigan. We went to the same high school and college, and our families have become quite close, as well. Our tastes in music, TV and movies are different (I like documentaries, she likes Lifetime movies), but there is still plenty of overlap that we always have stuff to watch together. We agree 90% of the time on parenting, and when we don't we're able to talk through it. We both grew up as dog lovers, and we'd both rather stay at home and watch a movie than go out for the evening. She handles a lot of the house stuff like laundry, but she's willing to come outside and help dig a hole or trim trees if I need the help, and I do a lot of the cooking. We've been married almost 25 years, I guess we have figured out a balance that works for us.

I'm sure someone has studied this issue and tried to quantify what makes a relationship work.  I think, in a word, the answer is "commitment."

You can probably be "too similar" or "too different" from your SO for it to possibly work, but in between those extremes is an awful lot of room.

My wife of 18 years and I are very different in many ways.  Quite similar in others.  I'd have to say we're more different than similar, but others might see it differently.  Or similarly.

Carry on.

My wife and I have different preferences in terms of food, entertainment, style etc. but I think those things are trivial. We’re well aligned on what I consider the critical issues to be such as prioritizing our children, aggressively saving for retirement, etc. There are a few important differences (I’m super organized – she’s a slob…I’m congenial – she thrives on contention) so I’m making significant concessions to keep everything together but I imagine she feels she’s doing the same so…

As the years progress, there seems to be less and less.

[edit] 28 years married last month; 35 years total as a couple [/edit]

DW and I are fundamentally very compatible with enough variations to be interesting:

• We are both completely non-religious.  She was raised pretty Catholic and I was nominally an Episcopalian, but we both rejected religious faith at an early age.  This one is mission-critical for both of us.
   
• We're both mostly introverted and only require moderate socializing to be happy.  I think we have a good mix of 'togetherness' and 'independence'.
   
• We both wanted kids (she wanted 3, I wanted 2; she now admits 2 was the right number).
   
• Econmically we're relatively compatible, though I would spend a little more than she does, probably.  But neither of us is extravagant.
   
• We're both college-educated (not critical, but something in common), value knowledge, and love to read (both fairly critical).
   
• I am fairly political; DW is not.  We're both socially liberal and fiscally conservative.  She's a little farther Left than I am on some subjects, but not many.  We don't have many arguments on this subjects.
   
• She's a better planner; I'm more spntaneous.  This causes friction in varying degrees.  We've definitely learned from each other here, in a good way.
   
• We both like staying up late and sleeping late.
   
• Neither of us are sports fans in any way, or even much enjoys excercise.  Don't care about spectator sports at all, but I do wish we did not reinforce each other's sedentary habits.
   
• We both like video games (we play cooperatively a lot) and computers.
   
• We have similar tastes in music (we both hate pop of any flavor) but I have wider-ranging tastes there.  Ditto for movies.
   
• Neither of us directly participates in the other's hobbies but we both find them interesting and are willing to help out or be involved.  She likes to come with me to car stuff because she knows I like it.  I like to go to fiber arts (knitting / spinning / weaving) events because it is interesting to see what she is interested in.  I don't care that it's not "for me".  She likes it, I like her, why would it be a problem to have fun being interested in a different thing?
   
• We have similar aesthetic tastes in just about everything (clean, modern, simple but handsome design with a trend towards coziness rather than sterility).

We both really enjoy fast cars and intercourse.  What more is there?

Well I guess it's good to hear that we're not alone. I think the conversation she had with this other couple got to her a little bit this weekend. 

Not a whole lot really.  We have similar backgrounds but that's about it.  No real crossover in hobbies, I like athletic stuff and am a huge gearhead.  She could care less.  She does go to the gym and likes Yoga, but isn't a mtn biker, much of a skier, etc.   We like similar music and some movies, although I'm more of an action movie guy and she likes the typical chick flicks.

She's not much of a cook, we do have fairly similar tastes in food. 

I am curious to see how we do when I retire and have far more time to pursue my hobbies.  Since she isn't interested in them that may be interesting.

15 years married this August.

We have to work to find hobbies to enjoy together, but our outlook on life is identical. We do a good job at finishing each other's sentences and usually have the same gut reaction to things. Of course, we've been married over 21 years and got together in high school, so we've shared all of our adult lives so far. That much shared history is bound to give you similar perspectives. 

I think my relationship is similar to what Nick described. Outwardly we have very little in common. Been married coming up on 30 years. We have different tastes in music, movies, lifestyle, politics, and just generally how to spend our time if left to our own devices, but we also share common ground on our family, our home, and enjoy doing things together, just that those things are not necessarily things we would do alone.

The biggest failure in my marriage was that I hate the idea of SWMBO, and she berkeleying loved it.  I am independent, she hates it.  I'm fiscally conservative and socially liberal, she is socially conservative and fiscally liberal.

Top ten good days of my life when I signed the paperwork to only have to pay her $3k a month.

We were brought up in the same community (our parents are close friends), are skeptical but open to the idea of a higher power and feel that it's important to help those less fortunate than us.

On the other hand she's a vegan musician school teacher and I'm a carnivorous engineer who spends his spare time racing or working on race cars.  When it comes to entertainment she's Masterpiece Theater and I'm Dukes of Hazard.  She's a type A worrier and I'm...well...not.  Our politics are not the same but they overlap.

We think that our differences make us a stronger couple.  It makes us sensitive to not only our different perspectives but those of others and by combining our strengths we can accomplish things together that would couldn't as individuals. We've been married for 27 years and dated for almost 10 years before that and our relationship is as strong as its ever been.

33 years. 

If we had anything in common, I’m sure we wouldn’t put up with each other!

Little to nothing. But it seems to work. She approves of  what I do and the people I hang with but wants nothing to do with any of it. I don't worry about how she spends her time.We could be cats for all purposes except that one of the cats has a bad car habit.