I could use a laugh

I've always been ready for an opportunity. 

I was about 12 years old and living in a an unrestored historic home in Central Florida. This is the house, the year after we moved out.

On the third floor, it had two hidden rooms. These were accessed through the back of closets by removing drawers that were set into the wall.

One day, there was a gathering of adults and I was assigned the job of occupying their children. My preference was to entertain myself and leave them to their own devices but that wasn't an option. It was suggested that I take them upstairs and show them the secret rooms which generated much enthusiasm.

I took them all to the second floor, and gave them whispered instructions to take off their shoes while I passed out a large stick or broom handle for each of them.

Without any further explanation, I had them follow me single file, one at a time to the top of the third floor stairwell. We were now at the rear of the house. Each child was armed with some sort of weapon, and totally terrified at this point.

The closet that I wanted to access was at the front of the house. I had them line up behind me and we tiptoed silently across the house to the edge of the closet door.

I waited until they were all lined up behind me then slowly peeked around the edge of the door. I took a quick, soft gasp, and was immediately alone.

Everyone went running and yelling for their parents, all the way across the house down three flights of stairs and across the bottom floor to the kitchen.

After 40 years, they still love to talk about how scared they were, and how much fun it was. 

In college one of the guys on my hall was a real "tool".  He had a date one night but when he was getting ready we "penny locked" him in his room.  We didn't let him out for like 2 hours, by which point his date had already gave up on him and left with someone else.  Boy was he pissed and swore he would get back at us, but never did.  

Also in college, I had borrowed a friend's Datsun B210 to do on a date since as usual my TR4 was not running.  When I got back at about 2:00am my other two roomates were still up and wanted to go get breakfast which was like 30 minutes away.  I told them I had Fred's car and we could just take it.  About the time we hit the interstate we all agreed we wanted to go to Florida instead and get seafood.  Keep in mind we were in Birmingham, AL at the time.  So we get to Montgomery and need to stop for gas. Soooo, it has a locking gas cap and we do not have a key.  After a while I managed to pick the lock and we filled up and went on our way.  Of course one of the guys lived in Pensacola but his mom did not know we were coming and pulled a gun on when we got there.  Good times.  This was the same trip a guy named Rat taught me how to spear a Gar.  Anyway, a few months later we were all having diner when Fred casually mentioned that his car had taken long trips before, to which point everyone busted out laughing.  We came clean but he was none too pleased and never loaned me his car again.  

My father in law loved practical jokes even if he was the target and I’m a terrible person so he’s been on the receiving end of a few.  

He had an insane amount of moose Christmas decorations that drove my mother in law nuts. He also hated inflatable lawn decorations. The wife I were on Long Island visiting my parents when we found a 10 ft tall moose on sale. After dinner we drove from Long Island to Albany in the snow and at about 2am set it up looking in his bedroom window with a big sign reading “Good Morning Paul”.  He called my brother in law that had no idea at the crack of dawn. After about three days of not talking to my BIL we mailed a pic of me putting it up. 

I don't know what the law is in other states, but in Wisconsin, when you get divorced, there's a mandatory six month waiting period, before you can marry again. My divorce went relatively quickly, I guess - a few days short of six months. 

I caught wind, through a friend of a friend of a friend, that my ex remarried, THREE DAYS after the waiting period expired. That was two and half years ago. 

The other day, I got a text from her. My reply took a while, for me to find the right words, to dig that tick out. I damn near pissed myself, rolling on the floor, laughing. 

It took every thing I had, not to rely with

When I was A teenager, my brother and his friends decided toilet paper my car one night while I was working late. Cute. Let's show him how the big boys do this. I crept up to the house after a quick trip to the store for supplies. Quietly, I lightly wet his car with the hose. Then I gently sprinkled 20 lbs of flour over the little gold Colt, followed by another sprinkle of water. As luck would have it, his buddies were staying at the house that night. It was a late night, so they slept in the next day. The temp was over 100 degrees by the time they saw the car. It took an hour just to clear the windows. At which point, they gave up, as they were really late. They jumped in the car with only the windows cleared, and he rushed his friend home. Did I mention that the friend lived on a local military base? The MP's wanted no part of the biscuit mobile, and wouldn't allow it through the checkpoint. It was a long walk.