I need a joke...

I need a joke to tell at a business meeting on Monday. Something that hasn't been told to death, shorter is better, no worse than PG rated.

Whatcha got?

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back to you???

              A STICK!

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

What does a gay horse eat?

HAAAAAYYYYY!!

I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.

What does he call his other leg.

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk in to a bar...

Bartender says "what is this, a joke?"

A french sailor walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Bartender says "wow!, where did you get that? Parrot says France, they got millions of em."

A pirate walks into a bar - he's got a ship's wheel stuck to his pants. Bartender says "doesn't that wheel bother you?" Pirate says, "Arrrgh, it drives me nuts."

Guy goes to his doctor. Doctor say's, "You 'll live to be 60".

He says, "But Doc, I am 60."

Doctor says, "See, what did I tell 'ya?"

Our reports show that last year things went from bad to worse, but we are confident that things will be back to going badly again soon.

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

I adapted an old one to fit Helen Thomas after her little anti-semitic diatrabe earlier this year, nsfw however.

Did anyone see the new vampire movie? I heard it sucked.

Go guys to the doctor and says, "Doctor doctor it hurts when I do this (make random arm motion)". Doctor says, "then don't do this!"

A snail and a turtle got in a fight at a bar. The cops showed up and asked the snail what happened. "I don't know" he replied, "it all happened so quickly......"

Midget says "When I was a little boy. . .

coolusername wrote: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back to you??? A STICK!

I think that's the winner.

What do you call an Irishman who likes women more than beer? wait, no, that one's not safe either.

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre.

Might not go over so well with an older crowd, though.

Two cannibals eating a clown, one looks over at the other and says "does this taste funny to you?"...

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

A guy's wife finally drags him to the Ballet. They're coming out and she asks: So, Dear, how did you like it?"

He says: "Why don't they just hire taller girls?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoV51CDR5Lc

nothing but the best with these

Short: What's purple and goes slam, slam, slam, slam? A 4-door grape.

Long: Two guys from North Korea make their way to South Korea, where they are amazed at the bountiful food . They board a train and are fascinated to find bananas on the food cart, since they've never seen this tropical fruit. Each buys one and they go back to their seats.

The braver of the two goes right to work peeling his banana and takes a bite—right as the train enters a long tunnel. Once they emerge back into the light, he's sitting there frozen with an odd look on his face and a bite out of his fruit.

"Well?” asks his friend. "How is it? Aren't you going to take another taste?"

"No way," he says. "That first bite made me blind for 30 seconds."

(Yeah, I like bad jokes.)

Margie

Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

Because it's too cold outtide.

Why don't chicken coops have four doors?

Because then it would be a sedan.

What's the difference between an attorney and a catfish?

One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.

Q: See if you can tell me what this is:

"Clip, clop, clip, clop, clip, clop, BANG! BANG! BANG!, Clip, clop, clip clop..."

A: An Amish drive-by shooting!