Every year for Christmas one victim, wait I mean one lucky person, gets to go on what we call a scavenger hunt or a treasure hunt to find their gifts. We've done this for decades and everyone wants to be the one who has to search for their true present.
Sometimes it's as simple as go to point B which will tell you to go to point C and so on, and so on.
Sometimes you have to decipher clues and try to figure out where to go to get the next clue.
One year we hid various, unrecognizable pieces to the present and they had to try to put it together with no instructions and no idea of what it was. Did I mention we didn't give them all the parts, nor did we give it to them in the right order?
This year it's to be a bona fide Treasure hunt with a treasure map and actual buried treasure in the garden. But to get to the map she has to first get geared up so that she can survive the Waste Lands and find her present. I'm trying to mix up Harry Potter, Star Trek, Indiana Jones, and just about every comic or science fiction book ever written. My problem is that because I'm pressured to get the narrative written I am drawing a complete blank as to some cool nonsensical language to use to spice it up a little. And since I knew there was a geek or 2 on the board I thought possibly some of you could help me here.
She has to wear all this junk, I mean safety gear before she can get the treasure map and she has to wear it on her trek.
She has to first put a pair of very old Halloween overalls on - to protect her from the elements. As I write this I realize I need to call them something other than overalls. So what's a good name?
Next she is putting an old long night gown over that as an invisibility cloak to help her escape any tough spots.
Then she has to find an old, black, feathered boa that has been strung with battery powered Christmas lights. At the moment I'm planning that it will be just like Wonder Woman's lasso, but if you guys have better ideas I'm open. I initially called this a James Bond cast off or one of Q's failures.
Next she has to find her bullet proof vest (and old gaudy Harley Davidson leather vest) from the armourer located in the back room of an eating establishment around the corner (dining room).
Inside the pocket of the vest she finds a cryptic note from the armourer that says HYPER KINETIC FLYING TEUTONIC BLIZZARD LIZARDS!
This means we have to exploit their only known weakness which is color blindness. So I hid a rainbow colored clown wig she has to wear. I told her the only place she can find the enchanted color blindness brain short circuiters (blind eye) are on Diagon Alley. (see there just has to be a better name for that).
I told her there's one in the old writing desk vault we bought from Mundungus Fletcher, the street vendor on the Alley who was selling all those items from Number 12 Gimmauld Place. We got there just before Delores Umbridge shut him down for not having a license.
Then I've got a little Red Riding Hood cape she has to wear over it because it's so valuable someone will try to steal it from her before she can use it.
Next she has to get and wear my Indiana Jones Clodhopper boots that are twice her size.
And then she needs protection so she must get my airsoft gun which really isn't an airsoft gun but it's actually a ................what?
While she's in the armory she also has to pick up and carry a fishing rod that's all of 2' long. It has diamond line on it so she can use it like a Batman batarang to hook a tree limb if she falls into quicksand on the quicksand farm she has to traverse.
"One last thing and then you are through. You need a Battery Powered Ultrasonic Bigger Bigger. When it’s turned to high it has the capacity to dig huge holes in the silica monsters common to the waste lands and when depowered you can use it to dig your way out of the quicksand farms in No Man’s land or do your nails."
That will be inside the special stasis field generator ( running clothes dryer) that will be emitting an almost inaudible, thump, thump of the generator field. (yeah right, a metal hand trowel in a stainless steel rotating drum?)
Any linguistic help you guys can throw my way to spice it up would be greatly appreciated. I'm not much good at double talk.
Once she gets the map she has to use a compass and go XX number of paces in a certain direction and wend her way around the outside of the house and thru the forest to find the present?
We'll be filming the whole thing for our future enjoyment.
