I was just asked for my daughter's hand

And it wasn't a serial killer wanting the hand for a souvenir, but . . .

This is daughter #2 and he'd already talked to husband of daughter #1 so he was scared to death.

I've heard about it but never seen it - he was sweating bullets. When he began to speak literally sheets of water began to cascade down his face. He was hyperventilating and couldn't get a breath all at the same time.

Did I make it easy for him? Heck NO!

This was a little of a surprise for us since we've had discussions with our daughter and she says nothing was even being discussed that way. I asked him if my daughter knew he was asking me and he said she didn't. Presuming our daughter was being frank with my wife that means he might have a surprise coming.

He did buy her a nice ring tho.

I did ask him to send me his credit report and resume before I'd give my blessing.

I figured you would have asked if he financed the ring?

Congrats...I think.

Being the father of two grown girls, it is fun to scare the boyfriends. Oldest daughters previous boyfriends and husband were always scared of me. One was a quivering mess when he came over. Husband still is scared of me. Wasn't so lucky with the youngest daughter as she is into cars and her requirement for boyfriend is they have to know at least as much as she does, preferably more. When they see my garage I can't scare them. There is still a couple former boyfriends that come over to hang with me in my garage and help work on my projects. Current boyfriend just sold his C6 Z06 and bought a 996 GT3.

Seriously, congrats maybe? Having been there myself, just write the checks and stay out of the planning.

I asked my FIL the day after.
They dont live close, so nobody had to know... He was never really that scary. We share a cigar hobby, so that is nice too.

I'm glad I have two boys.

With a girl due in less than a month I'm already dreading this day that some schmuck shows up asking that question.

Congrats I guess...

I got a boy ,and that's all i'm havin.

At least is wasn't these guys asking!!

http://vimeo.com/42398114

DO NOT back down. My father-in-law was brutal for 6 YEARS.

He is Italian, he is short, he is catholic, a vietnam vet, and father of an only daughter. I could have been Jesus and I wouldn't have been good enough.

I don't have any children, but I can speak to the effectiveness of his scrutiny as a son-in-law. You are the gauntlet. It is not your job to split them up, but it is your job to be the dad and screen out what she might have missed. This is possibly your last chance to protect your little girl. Do it right. Puff up to exert your dominance, sort out the BS, and then let her make her own choice.

That's exactly what my father-in-law did, that's exactly what my dad did with my sister, and it worked.

Damn. My father in law was pretty awesome about it all. ESPECIALLY considering both his daughter and I were 20. He said that he could see the love, appreciated the way I treated her, and asked that we hold off on the wedding until she finished school. I hope if and when I'm on the other side of that conversation, I handle it with as much class as he did.

My FIL was/is a crackpot who essentially said "no", ruining the moment.

'Twas a moot point, because the MIL (divorced from him) was nuts about me.

Over the years, he's softened up and now he's a fan because I cook well and he's had some damn fine dinners over here.

What does he drive?

Woody wrote: What does he drive?

I think this is key here.

Woody wrote: What does he drive?

My wife's dad was a UAW General Motors employee. I drove a Datsun 310GX.

People can change........

When my daughter was 16, she came to me and said "Daddy, I'm going to have a baby, and Julio and I are getting married!" Daddy not happy. Julio, green card alien with a pretty face and no job. Night of the wedding, I went to see him as he was getting his hair done. I had been drinking. We went off to the side, he is 5'8" 140#, I'm 6'1", 235. Told him, very clearly, to his very close face, that if I ever saw a mark on my daughter that came from him, or ever found out he was playing around, I would kill him. I also reminded him that she had two brothers who felt exactly the same way. Turned out to be quite unnecessary, as he was the best husband any Daddy could ever ask for. But I meant every word. This is now, 25 years later, a family joke, and I'm fine with that.

Nice. I had wanted to ask my FIL, but it never happened. When my wife finally told her parents, his response was "Your not pregnant, are you?"

My father in law is a dyed in the wool South Carolina redneck. His first thought was to grab a gun. Might be because we eloped at the ripe old age of 18.

My daughter is 21 and every boy she has ever brought over to the house has been terrified of me. I'm not sure why because I'm a fairly nice guy. As long as they treat her with the utmost respect, I will be fairly reasonable to deal with. The chances of them waking up in the middle of the national forest with a pen knife, a Snickers bar and a water bottle are pretty slim.

Good luck with the maybe SIL and congrats.

He paid cash for a very nice ring.

But he's not much of a carguy. He thinks he is, but he isn't. He drives the exact same car as my daughter, just in a different color. They both had the same car before they met. It's an Altima 2 door coupe.

He's a salesman. He needs to sell me.

He asked for my blessing and I told him I couldn't stop them, but if I am to give my blessing that's a totally different matter altogether.

They are both 30. I know why she's not married but I don't know why he's not. She's the TV/Movie producer (Watch for the new film "Bullet" coming out in the fall) and has had a very active life.

Like Curtis73 said, I believe my job is to help make sure my little girl gets the best she can get. And I really did ask for his credit report & resume as he never talks about himself. Just this last week my son was asking me what I know about him because he couldn't figure him out.

She's a homeowner and he still lives with a room mate. He's moving back in with mama to save money for the wedding.

Earlier in the evening and before he asked me we were talking guns and even went out on the back porch and shot off a few rounds. He's got a new AR15. We were talking about the difficulty getting ammo for his gun and he mentioned he'd never even fired his gun as he can't find bullets. Jokingly I told him that he needed to be good to my daughter as while he had a bigger gun than me I HAD AMMO!

You guys are looking at this all wrong. At least someone wants to marry your daughters... What if they were 600 lb makerals?

I didn't ask my wife's dad to marry her, though I would have liked to. He is a drunk who didn't really have much to do with her upbringing, so he didn't have the right to tell me if I could marry her or not.

Joey

Woody wrote: What does he drive?

that criteria might not help; it does speak to the "will they start marriage with financial difficulties" issue, but it would be possible for him to be well off and emotionally abusive. OTOH, it might tell you a lot. Let's amend it to "What project car does he love to drive."

Marriage is a lot like driving a rusty old datsun. It takes some love, hardwork and determination to keep one going. You have to be actively watching and listening for problems, and address them proactively, or tin worm will return it to the earth. Or something like that...

I've gotta give my dad props for "best implied threat ever" on this one. When my BIL met him for the first time, he was working on shaping metal arrowheads for a traditional archery longbow. When same BIL asked him to marry my sister (you're going to think I'm making this up, but its 100% true), he was sitting in his rocking chair, filing an edge onto a tomahawk he had just finished forging.

carguy123 wrote: .........Earlier in the evening......we were talking guns and even went out on the back porch and shot off a few rounds........

I need to leave the Chicago suburbs and move to Texas, just saying......

You're scrutinizing why he's not married at age 30? Color me old fashioned, but I'd consider it a plus if the man asking for my daughter's hand wasn't currently married.

Haha. You guys are great. I have a daughter due in May and I know its just a matter of time before I have to deal with some Justin Beiber looking kid wanting to date her. I also know that karma might bite me on this too. I think my goal as a teen was to make a dad cry. I still remember my first gf's father telling me that if I hurt one hair on her head, that he would hang me in the front yard. My response was "You dont even have any trees in the front yard." Yeah, her curfew went from 10 to 7:30 really quick.

My dad always had a good one for when my sister was dating. He was on a pistol-shooting team in the NCNG and they were quite good. He had a huge trophy from it that he showed all the guys.

It never occurred to me to ask my father-in-law's permission. Quite frankly, he wasn't the one I was marrying and it wasn't his decision to make. We did go to both sets of parents after the fact, but the real decision was between us, not them.

I now have 2 daughters, ages 20 and 17, and I don't feel any differently.