I'm soooo dead!

One of our dogs cut his foot and we've had to bandage it. True to form the dog wants to rip it off.

So today I went out and got some of that bitter spray that's supposed to make them stop chewing. After I sprayed it on the bandage I accidentally rubbed my lips. DANG THAT STUFF IS NASTY!!

I washed my hands multiple times and I couldn't get it off. My wife just laughed at me every time I accidentally got another taste of it.

So after dinner I was baking cookies and I had this great idea. I made a couple of different kinds of cookies and then cut about 1/8 off tow of them and presented them to my wife like a taste test. What I neglected to tell her is that I every so gently sprayed just the tinniest little bit of that spray on one of the samples.

She took a bite and ate it like nothing was wrong. I was so disappointed as I thought that I hadn't put enough on it. I couldn't figure out how I was going to get a chance to do it again when suddenly she looks up at me and gives me this horrible taste face and says I hope your other cookies better because your recipe for this one was horrible. And then it dawned on her . . . .

She chased me around the sofas trying to bean me with her plastic Pepsi bottle as I laughed hysterically. I had tears running down my face and I couldn't run fast because I was laughing so hard.

I had to eat the other half. But since I'd already been innoculated it wasn't all that bad to me.

You know, even brushing your teeth doesn't get rid of that taste. Both of us have the morning after taste in our mouths and we can only look forward to it getting worse as the night goes on.

She says I'm dead and that I'd better cook my own food from now on!!!!!!!!!

I'm sleeping in the back bedroom and I'm locking the door. She just keeps walking around looking at me funny with a little smile on her face. Does that mean I'm in trouble?

I sure wish I'd have thought to video that, I could have won $100,000

Famous last words, "Well it sounded like a good idea at the time!"

Yep, you're dead. Good luck with that.

I shared your story with SWMBO.... "Don't even think about it!"

I predict that if she doesn't kill you in your sleep via a dinner fork thru each eye, you still won't get laid for a year.

Revenge, it's the gift that keeps on giving.

But it was funny! Doesn't that count for something?

And she'd been laughing at me all afternoon so I should be allowed to balance the scales, right?

Revenge is a dish best served cold- I suggest nuking EVERYTHING for the forseeable future.

Thank you, I think that just made my night. Laughing out loud here. Take all the axes/hatchets/sledgehammers into the spare bedroom and lock that door tight.

Also, in twelve to eighteen months, repeat this experiment with zero warning. (and get it on video)

Don't forget the steak knives. You would hate to have to change your name to Bobbitt.

carguy123 wrote: But it was funny! Doesn't that count for something? And she'd been laughing at me all afternoon so I should be allowed to balance the scales, right?

Your profile indicates you're 63 years old, and you still haven't learned that no matter how funny, you CAN'T berk with SWMBO?

If you need playful revenge that badly, imagine her on fire for a few minutes. That should quench the bloodlust.

ValuePack wrote:

carguy123 wrote: But it was funny! Doesn't that count for something? And she'd been laughing at me all afternoon so I should be allowed to balance the scales, right?

Your profile indicates you're 63 years old, and you *still* haven't learned that no matter how funny, you CAN'T berk with SWMBO?

I think it's been proven time & again that men don't need to read instruction manuals and they don't learn.

I just showed this thread to the wife and rather than thinking your responses were meant to be funny, although she did laugh a lot, she used your responses to say that "See other people think you deserve to die."

I am going to assume you are done having kids.

Even if you are not done having kids, you are done having kids.

Oh, they need to read them, but they never do. .

Have your antics at least distracted the dog from chewing on the bandage?

Women don't come with instruction manuals.

Even if you did read it, you wouldn't understand it.

SVreX wrote: Women don't come with instruction manuals. Even if you did read it, you wouldn't understand it.

This should be quoted repeatedly...forever.

Big plus 1

SVreX wrote: Women don't come with instruction manuals. Even if you did read it, you wouldn't understand it.

Just in case you missed it the first time and the second.

You don't need an instruction manual to tell you not to feed your wife a cookie with bitter apple on it, do you?

Who's side are you on, Mojo?

Oh wait....

The dogs'

The dog's not getting any either??

To be on the safe side after we rebandaged the dogs foot, and yes he's not licking anymore, I hid the bitters.

Plus for the foreseeable future I'm eating only food I've prepared or food that I've bought from a restaurant and had complete control over from the minute it left the waiter's hand.

I have one itty bitty problem to face this weekend. Now that the weather has warmed up and the time has changed we have an music & food venue that is cranking back up Friday & Saturday night. (http://www.financiersmortgage.com/Financiersmortgage/Central_Market.html) My friends, being my friends, will help her extract her revenge very publically.

Every time we get up to dance I'll have to destroy all my food on the table and go buy more. Drinks will be way too easy unless I put them in a baby bottle and then wash off the nipple just before I drink.

But I have one more salvo to fire. I have a powder that instantly causes any liquid to gel. All I have to do now is to fill up a sugar packet and then make sure that she, or whomever helps her get me, uses it and then when they go up to refill their tea they'll get a glass shaped block of tea. The look on their face will be priceless!

You can't just be the first guy to pull the prank, you have to be prepared for round #2.

I probably won't be alive for round #3.

Hmmm, I just had a thought. I can let them think they are getting me and use the "sugar" in my own drink and let one of them take it for a refill. They'll put something in it but when it gels I'll have the last laugh.

Now how do I write out an evil laugh?

Some people never learn...

Darwin was right.

Who's Darwin? What's his screen name?

The gel thing... Is it poisonous? Don't play pranks with it if so! I would hate to read that your next post was being made from jail.