Momma said she wants Lobster for Mothers day. I've only ever had lobster in a restaurant. Usually in bisque form. Sometimes on a roll or in a pasta. Never on its own. How do I pick one out (is there a wrong way?), how do I cook it, how do I crack it? Help a midwesterner out!
steam it don't boil it.
Order it from a nice restaurant and go pick it up.
Listen to other B-52's songs.
Need to learn about lobster?
the rubber bands are considered a delicacy
I sell them. For picking one, look at the size of the claws and the tail. Look at the tail from underneath, as the shell can be deceiving from above.
Most stores can steam them for free or little charge. That said, on mom day they will be selling fast. I would call ahead and talk to someone in seafood to see what the situation will be. Overall size, I think 1.5# is the sweet spot. Smaller doesn't have much meat and larger can get tough and cook unevenly. Expect a 25% yield.
If you cook it yourself, boiling is easier. Just get your biggest pot, fill it to near the top, maybe 2-3" of space. Get the burner on high and wait for it to reach a full boil. Put them in head first. Overall, 5-6 minutes per pound when boiling. Time on steaming will be 8-10 minutes per pound. I don't have any advice on steaming at home. If you have a good meat thermometer you want it to be 145 when going into the tail.
Getting the meat isn't that hard. The tail I would just pull of and cut open along the back with clean poultry shears or another large pair of scissors. For the claws, just pull apart at each joint and either use a cracker, mallet, or the shears from earlier.
I can say more when I'm out of work.
Be prepared.......when you boil them.....they will scream. 
Joe Gearin wrote: Be prepared.......when you boil them.....they will scream.
Just like all the ladies do when wally walks into a room.
I love the comments on this video.
https://youtu.be/4MFmTzD2x24
also, drawn butter is the star of the show. Have you ever dipped freshly baked chicken into drawn butter? You'll be wondering why you even mess with lobster.
I have boiled many of then over the years and I have never heard them scream.
One other tip is I put them in the fridge for 15-30 min before cooking. The chill basically puts them to sleep so when you are putting them in the pot is a lot less of a problem.
If you have pets another bit of fun is to let them run loose on the kitchen floor. My cat use to go crazy. My dog has figured it out now and just barks at them but she use to totally spas out. Great fun.
If you have access to it watch
Alton Browns show "Good Eats" Crustacean Nation II: Claws (Episode: EA1D05) Lots of good tips on cooking lobster.
Easy. Buy the tails only, put them on the Barbie with a little vinegarette or Italian dressing; it steams the meat inside the shell.
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Cut it up and pan fry it with a little white wine and butter? Sammiches. Or on Pasta.
Our local fish market offers "Clambakes to Go". Just put their pan over heat and you have clams, potato, corn, mussels and lobster on request. You have a few days .....
http://www.epicurious.com/tools/searchresults?search=lobster
http://www.bonappetit.com/?s=lobster&global-search-submit=submit&fq=type%3Arecipe
I was told to bludgeon the head before boiling. Supposed to not release all those things into the bloodstream associated with trauma. Boiling something alive just seems cruel, and I hunt.(No flounder, I swear)
In reply to Swank Force One:
There was so much stupidity on that page. 
I won't eat them. Can't even take the smell.
Which is frustrating because my family is from New England and love nothing more than clams and lobsters.
I prefer Alaskan King Crab. Similar and can be served with drawn butter too but the crab is basically pre cooked and you just have to warm it.
I like lobster, but I love King Crab.
Never touched one. I found out I was allergic to shellfish while I was in third place in a clam eating contest.
In reply to Wally:
Worst part is she went home with the winner
And I worked so hard to learn to breath through my ears.
No one mentioned that cold water lobster is better than warm?
If you want to be really cruel try baked stuffed lobster. Cut the tail open when they are still alive. Squeeze in some lemon juice and melted butter. Fill with stuffing and pop in the oven. Several of my customers run lobster boats. I can get them cheap right off the boat, but they don't do much for me. Rather have a pile of shrimp with some strong horseradishy cocktail sauce.
^Comedy Gold up there.
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