Learn me- moving to Florida.

mndsm before you let the cat out of the bag I was going to ask if it was something drawing you to FL, or something pushing out out of MN. Only because we are getting tired of VA and strongly considering a move to WI. But I guess we know now. I think I know what I am getting myself into moving to that region, spent time there year round growing up...

JohnRW1621 wrote: Be skeptical and self preserving. I have a past love that I would have done anything to get back with. ..... When the opportunity to rekindle sort of presented itself, I realized that the person I was in love with no longer exists. Those years in between and those experiences she had changed her. Changed her in ways that are irreversible. Her name is the same but she had become a different person (or maybe I had become a different person) but our paths diverged too greatly.

This. Went through something exactly like this...thankfully before I met SWMBO.

Esoteric Nixon wrote: So does this mean no more GTA/Forza?

You have no idea how many electronics I can fit in a wagon. I will be around.

dj06482 wrote: I wish you the best, it sounds complicated. I'm surprised at how eager your wife is to push you into another woman's arms. Other than your anticipated happiness, does she somehow benefit from this arrangement?

Yes and no. I am the only relationship, on every level, that she has ever had. So, losing me is throwing her into very deep water without a safety ring. We never really dated, we just....were.

On the positive side, there are a lot of things available to her that weren't before. As a single parent, she will have a lot more access to programs to help our child. He's got some special needs, and its really hard to get him benefits when you make a combined living as we do. She also actually gets a chance to find herself. I've been pushing her to do it for years, and all she ever does is worry about me. Now, she won't have to. She also has already set up her ideal living situation. She prefers communal living, I am not about that. My space is my space. So, she gets that. And with her chronic health issues, it will be easier for her to qualify for ssi or other govt assistance that just wasn't possible. I've heard stories before of couples divorcing just so one could get much needed benefits, this is one of those times. I don't know. It's going to be hard, for everyone. But, modern technology is an wonderful thing. Skype will let me see my kid regularly. Amy is looking forward to being a part of his life, as is her daughter, who'd been begging her for a little brother. My kid deserves more happiness than has been going on at home, this is that chance. I honestly believe I will be a better parent from 1700 miles away than I am now.

logdog wrote: Most of what I know about Florida came from Carl Hiassen books so I recommend grabbing a couple for the trip down.

I laughed out loud when I read this, and after reading the rest of the thread it seems all the more appropriate now. May also try Randy Wayne White.

Oh and there are bugs by the beach/ocean too. Mangrove swamps make for some serious no-see-um territory.

mndsm wrote: I honestly believe I will be a better parent from 1700 miles away than I am now.

I'm having a hard time believing that. Happy parents, separate or together are a good thing, but parents you never see really suck.

Datsun1500 wrote: So Amy, and her Daughter are looking forward to being part of your Sons life, from 1700 miles away? The daughter always wanted a little brother, so now she has her moms, boyfriends, kid that lives far away to call a brother? Seems legit. I'm only reading this from what you have posted here, but I want to make sure I have it right. "Amy" was in a very dysfunctional relationship, with abuse, for years, and now that's over. She is now getting a guy that (from what I read) is an alcoholic, miserable at home, and willing to leave his disabled Wife and special needs kid, on a whim to move in with her. You've been so hard to be around that your wife says go, with no hesitation, and that does not bother "Amy"? I am not judging you, and I hope it works out, but really? You expect it to last more than 90 days? If "Amy" is as stable as you say, I'm pretty sure you'll be out quickly, and if she's not as stable as you think, it will be a mutual decision. I wish you luck.

Not alcoholic, far from. The rest is pretty accurate. And I've left out my side about the wife, because it is irrelevant. She's not disabled. She just has chronic health issues. Stuff that could be mitigated if she took care herself, like I've been trying to do for the last 10 years. I helped her through her degree. I helped her finally find her voice and get into a career she loves instead of beating her head against a wall. Who knows. None of this may happen at all.

I honestly wish people/society were more fluid - and able to/accepting of making changes/living like this when it kinda does make sense. Maintaining a healthy balance would be quite difficult though.

clutchsmoke wrote: I honestly wish people/society were more fluid - and able to/accepting of making changes/living like this when it kinda does make sense. Maintaining a healthy balance would be quite difficult though.

I feel like this deserves highlighting. There is no way in hell I am posting the hours of conversations between her and I, or her and my wife. But I can guarantee that if anyone were in my position, and feeling the way I do, they would do the same. You can see it. My wife knows me better than anyone on this earth and she saw it before I did. Is it a rational decision? Hell no. Am I berkeleying up my entire life? Yup. But I'm tired of living logic. I make the "right" decision far too often. This time, berkeley it- gut check time.

Am I the only one wondering if she's at least good looking? I feel ashamed for even asking.

In reply to Cotton: mndsm has obviously given a thorough facebook stalk and is still interested. Safe to say he is (still) attracted. Whether you would be or not... well, that takes pictures.

Honestly have you your wife and this person thought about some serious counseling? It seems like you could benefit from the assistance of a 3rd party that is only interested in your money and not the outcome of this. It sounds like you/your current wife/and other girl have had some issues for a while. Be sure you are solving those issues and not just bandaiding them with grass is greener joy. Now If your at the end of loads of counseling and this is the answer feel free to ignore.

Good luck with your move. I really hope it works out for everyone especially the two kids involved. No matter what the 15 year old probably should get some help. She has been a ride along to what sounds like a hell of a ride and no matter how it seems probably could use some help unpacking everything that has happened and may be happening moving forward.

I came here for the car stuff but stick around for the Amy.

Not that I can lend any clarity to your situation, but the worst decisions I've ever made appeared at the time as if they were my "fate". I've learned the flying spaghetti monster can be a real shiny happy person.

I know in my heart that something like this could theoretically work and in the end everyone could be happy and have a series of crazy stories to tell. My head though, my head wonders how this many people could simultaneously make this many decisions that seem absolutely terrible.
Best of luck man. Keep checking in. And if the Corolla needs any Florida Man stickers, you know how to find me.

nocones wrote: Honestly have you your wife and this person thought about some serious counseling? It seems like you could benefit from the assistance of a 3rd party that is only interested in your money and not the outcome of this. It sounds like you/your current wife/and other girl have had some issues for a while. Be sure you are solving those issues and not just bandaiding them with grass is greener joy. Now If your at the end of loads of counseling and this is the answer feel free to ignore. Good luck with your move. I really hope it works out for everyone especially the two kids involved. No matter what the 15 year old probably should get some help. She has been a ride along to what sounds like a hell of a ride and no matter how it seems probably could use some help unpacking everything that has happened and may be happening moving forward.

I've been in counseling 2x a week for a year. She's basiclt quit counseling like I.don't even know how many.times. I'm pretty clear on my path.

I could give two E36 M3s about leaving your wife, I just don't like the comment of "I can be a better parent from 1700 miles away when I'll be looking for work and potentially wrapped up in the parenting of another child."

This is wild and interesting. Best wishes stranger on the internet.

PHeller wrote: I could give two E36 M3s about leaving your wife, I just don't like the comment of "I can be a better parent from 1700 miles away when I'll be looking for work and potentially wrapped up in the parenting of another child."

Understandable. My rationale- it is easier for me to provide him with what he needs (of you knew my child you'd understand) if I am happy. He could care less about physical interactions with me. That's mommy. He wants to play video games and stuff with me.

Has anyone else had this thought: "sister wives"?

Hell, they seem friendly enough. Instead of dividing and recombination get your family just expanding it could be an answer.

• I read too much Heinlein as a younger man.....

KyAllroad wrote: Has anyone else had this thought: "sister wives"? Hell, they seem friendly enough. Instead of dividing and recombination get your family just expanding it could be an answer. * I read too much Heinlein as a younger man.....

Heinlein is actually a large inspiration for me right now. I offered to move the whole family to Florida, but the wife won't go.

I am only in the USA because of a chance like this I took in 1998, sometimes these chances work, married to that woman for 15 years now, go where your heart tells you and remember you only live once.

Cotton wrote: Am I the only one wondering if she's at least good looking? I feel ashamed for even asking.

Plead the 5th?

mndsm wrote:

KyAllroad wrote: Has anyone else had this thought: "sister wives"? Hell, they seem friendly enough. Instead of dividing and recombination get your family just expanding it could be an answer. * I read too much Heinlein as a younger man.....

Heinlein is actually a large inspiration for me right now. I offered to move the whole family to Florida, but the wife won't go.

Heinlein also advocated "brother-husbands" in that story. Friday, great read, one of my favorite Heinlein novels.

Completely off topic and heading farther afield by the post but yeah, there is a lot to be said for a more communal situation with something more like the group marriages he proposed in "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress"

But if you thought there was a E36 M3 show over homosexual marriage, wait till someone seriously proposes that a dozen people all take up residence together.

/no flounder intended, please continue alternatively berating and congratulating MNDSM as you see fit.

I've been pondering this. My sister moved half way around the world for an opportunity. She thought her four year old would come with her, but her ex and the courts didn't agree. She's much happier away from that relationship, but she has a very hard time with the distance.
There aren't a whole lot of situations where someone says "I'm glad my dad left when I was little". I just don't think you're the kind of semi-horrible person who would cause that response in another 20 years. I think you've got an awefully hard job ahead of you no matter what road you take.

So your plan is to leave a flawed but loving wife and a special-needs child, putting them on government assistance, and run off to Florida and be with a woman who has broken your heart in the past and nearly gotten you killed? Is there any possible way that works out well for anyone involved - you, your wife, your son, Amy, the taxpayers of the State of Minnesota?

For heaven's sake, man. Stick with your wife and your son, who is going to need you for a lot more than video games in the years to come. Forget Amy. Rub one out to her memory from time to time if you need to, but be a man who keeps his promises and is loyal to those who are loyal to him. Be proud of the guy you see in the mirror every morning, and maybe you'll find peace.