Also the wife is a cashier at Publix. Decent job for this small town, and one of the better companies. We're also worried about Covid - with her being pregnant we don't want her around a bunch of people in a town where people don't think it's real. Safety is a real concern with us.
thank you everyone for the replies and advice. I'm trying to reply to most all of you, so I apologize for the constant walls of text
Situations like this are what savings are for. Glad you got that part covered.
MD unemployment backpay; For your unemployment, you should call MD and ask them if/ how currently being employed affects the back pay you're owed. It shouldn't affect it enough to not get a job in the hopes of the money coming soon.
Mustang: Call the lender and ask for a 3 month (or whatever they can give) extension payments due to hardship. What a lot of banks do is add those 3 months on the end of the loan which prevents you from a repo and having late payments on your credit report. Hopefully, your unemployment backpay will arrive and you can use the money to buy a used 5.0 engine to replace yours with then sell the car! In the meantime call your insurance company and let them know it's currently not being driven to get lower insurance payments.
Working: Most certainly get a job or any job, same with your wife. Pregnant women can typically work well into their pregnancy if they're healthy. It's also better for them to be active etc. If you could both find employment that'll help lighten the load significantly. If Walmart is there then I would apply. They're a huge employer and have various positions. Yall both might be able to find jobs.
Canada: I think this can be a long term goal. But your focus should be stable self-sufficient life and employment right now for your growing family. Possibly push it down the road a year or two.
Family: Sometimes that just can't be helped immediately. Your parents obviously had this on their mind for a long time. Crazy to me that the first time y'all catch wind is when you're getting kicked out. I'm sure having a baby didn't make them feel any more comfortable with the living situation.
I know the GI-bill is based on if you're going to school full time or not and if the school is online vs f2f. So try to keep that going while working.
Overall from my observations of your plans you've made threads about, I think y'all just need to slow it down. It seems like you had a lot of good plans but the timelines had you doing too much. School, moving to a new country, saving money, getting out of debt, and having a baby. All at the same time or within a year. Spreading yourselves thin!
In reply to infinitenexus :
Some interesting insight. You mention that SM's kid arrived with baby and showed a horrible example of what life with a kid in the house can be like. You may be a victim of her behavior. Sure, you are not like her but the SM naturally likes her own kid more than she likes you and the blinders keep her from seeing that difference.
Net result, she has seen an example of what a house with a kid in it can be like...and she really doesn't want to continue that. You likely took the brunt of her misdirected anger.
As others have said, you'll get through this. It's just gonna be hard.
If you need a quick jolt of assistance to get you back on your feet, look up the number for your local St. Vincent de Paul conference. At a bare minimum they should be able to bring you some groceries and they may be able to help with making a rent or utility payment. They also will have a good list of other agencies that can help with assistance and/or job searches and thing like that. Also, most work requirements are waived for SNAP right now, but income limits apply. Unemployment counts as income but not until you actually receive it. I don't recall if it was mentioned yet, but being pregnant, your wife should qualify for WIC.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ said:So... the Mustang has rod knock? Can you drop the pan and throw some cheap bearings on it? I'm not suggesting this is a fix you can trust long term, but that and some heavy oil might get it good enough to sell to Carmax or something- I wouldn't do something like that to a private buyer, but in your situation I wouldn't think twice about slipping something past a dealer.
That is a solid option. I've never done anything to cars past bolt ons (and I welded an exhaust once) so I'll admit I'm a bit nervous about that but it's an option. I only have a dirt driveway now, so I'll have to find some cheap car ramps somewhere. my biggest fear is I do that and it's not a rod - it's a piston hitting a valve or something similar. I guess there is only one way to find out.
one question though - lets say I do that, it's a rod, and I fix it. Can I sell a car to Carmax if I owe money on it still?
don't apologize for the wall of text, information is needed and communication (and venting) is important
John hit on what I am going to suggest, at the risk of projecting (which is a very real risk) how your parents are feeling. First I'll start with you father not sticking up for you and your wife. When someone is miserable, for whatever reason, most often they do their damnedest to ensure that partner is miserable as well. It's a terrible aspect of human nature, but we want our partners to feel our pain instead of allowing or condoning behaviour that enables it to continue. Thus if your stepmother wants everyone out, his life will be miserable until everyone's out, even if he doesn't want that to be the case. Him staying quiet is the sign of a smart man who knows that's the way it goes, even though he's likely miserable about it on both sides of the equation and would rather hop in the RV solo and disappear for a few months.
Having and RV, i suspect that your father and step mom likely enjoy fairly simple low key relaxing, but definitely enjoy their independence and freedom. Though they may want grandkids, they don't want to be parents again. The example set by other family members while visiting makes that fear front and center to them while you were under their roof. It doesn't mean that they don't care about you, it means that they'd find it impossible to tolerate living with a family just finding their way as parents with their first child while under their roof. It's a stress and burden they simply don't want in their life. Time and energy are the two most scare resources humans have, as we age we have less of each and want to use what we have left enjoying life. Parenting will test each in ways that you've never imagined. They know that and also don't want to bare witness, first hand, to you learning that.
Selling a car you owe on...
To first answer that:
How much do you still owe?
What's the car worth, in running condition, retail and at trade-in?
John Welsh said:In reply to infinitenexus :
Some interesting insight. You mention that SM's kid arrived with baby and showed a horrible example of what life with a kid in the house can be like. You may be a victim of her behavior. Sure, you are not like her but the SM naturally likes her own kid more than she likes you and the blinders keep her from seeing that difference.
Net result, she has seen an example of what a house with a kid in it can be like...and she really doesn't want to continue that. You likely took the brunt of her misdirected anger.
As others have said, you'll get through this. It's just gonna be hard.
SM is definitely stressed about other things and taking it out on us. But she's doing it a way that is completely unlike anything I've seen from her in the past 11 years. She's always been wonderful, and she has said so many times how much she loves me and my wife. Her brother is a severe alcoholic and my parents helped him move into a new place last week so I know she's been stressed but even that and her being an alcoholic doesn't explain all this to me. Everything was completely fine until Sunday when they came home.
But yes, her daughter leaving pee-filled diapers out? Nope. That got blamed on us, even though we cleaned up her diapers and trash everywhere.
Honestly as wild as it may seem, the only explanation I can think of that makes any sense is that she slowly grew to hate us in the past few months that we were there (even though they've been gone more than half that time) and she hid it, pretended to still be happy and love us, and then stress from dealing with her drunk brother and us having a kid mixed with her being a drunk herself caused her to boil over and explode on us. And it really seems she's had my dad's ear for a while as well and twisted him around recently.
I begged my dad with tears in my eyes yesterday as we were packing our stuff up in our cars, and asked "please tell me, what have we done? What did we do wrong? Why are you guys doing this?" And he again said that he doesn't know what's wrong with Terri and that he's so sorry about all this, that he doesn't want us to leave but hey here's some money so you guys can leave more quickly.
John Welsh said:Selling a car you owe on...
To first answer that:
How much do you still owe?
What's the car worth, in running condition, retail and at trade-in?
I owe just a pinch over $16k. KBB trade in is $14k, but when we were recently vehicle shopping no dealer would give us more than $12k for it.
infinitenexus said:
Can I sell a car to Carmax if I owe money on it still?
Yes, as long as they offer you more than you owe. Or as long as you can cover the difference.
I always find that making a list helps ,
Then you can look it over , add or delete things , and the best is putting a line thru something that you got done !
The main reason is you do not have to keep thinking "did I forget something" and you get get it out of your head......
and a "Things to do today list"
Good luck , you will get thru this and have a cute baby next year ,
That situation sucks, sorry to hear it. Just to clarify one thing, step mom is still furious with you when sober?
Trying to rationalize the actions of someone who has issues that may lead them to act irrationally will only drive you crazy.
I'll only go back to my first post where liking someone and living with someone are two different things.
John Welsh said:Trying to rationalize the actions of someone who has issues that may lead them to act irrationally will only drive you crazy.
I'll only go back to my first post where liking someone and living with someone are two different things.
All very true. I just hate how everything was completely fine until 2 days ago. We had no clue there were any issues, real or imagined, until she was all "I hate you, you're worthless, get out," and my dad just tucked his tail between his legs and moped around apologizing. Terri was yelling at him for past indescretions as well. Then he threw some money at us to try to make it better.
You're first sentence is 100% true. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what happened, what went wrong, what we did. Nothing makes sense except for a wild story like "she hated us for a long time and hid it so well that no one could tell." It's driving me nuts.
ProDarwin said:That situation sucks, sorry to hear it. Just to clarify one thing, step mom is still furious with you when sober?
Yes. I've dealt with angry drunks before - my ex wife was a bad one. She would get drunk and say the meanest things you could imagine but at least she would apologize in the morning. Terri was still mad on the morning. Still mad at my dad, as well. From what I heard of her yelling, because he looked at porn about 8 years ago. So her being a drunk probably contributed to her anger but it is how she feels
Cyberpunk 2077 is $50. Would you rather eat or play video games? Another $50 is the difference between a Marriott and a no-tell-mo-tel.
What's your insurance coverage look like on the Mustang? Accidentally leave the keys in it in a rough neighborhood?
That was what my wife discovered when her truck ate its own valvetrain. Complete engine failure not covered; vehicle totalled in one-car accident fully covered.
We replaced the engine at great expense and sold the truck to break even.
Questions:
How many more semesters is this degree/certification program?
What will it be worth if you finish?
How many hours per day does this course work take?
What year and model is the Mustang?
What zip code are you currently residing?
I'm the guy that mentioned downsizing, you are right to keep the Prius. It'll be a good car for a kid too.
Really your living expenses don't sound terrible. Getting rid of the mustang by fixing it and selling it is a great option and will help even more. While 899 is great for getting paid to go to school it's terrible for pretty much any job. Hell, pretty much any part time job will eclipse that. I understand the reason for the schooling and I understand why you don't want to the wife to work but raising a kid is hard and you will have to sacrifice for years to come. Keeping expenses low is a key to success , one reason my wife's part time job is something we could live on is our mortgage is about a quarter of your rent and we have limited bills.
The next part is the part where you will probably hate me but I think it needs to be said : You were in the wrong with your family. Having a kid while crashing at your parents house is terrible. Having a kid that was planned rather than accidental is exponentially worse. Having kids adds a massive amount of responsibility to your life and if there is one kind of person that won't let you skate on that responsibility.....it's parents because they have had to struggle and they have had to sacrifice to raise kids. There's very few parents that would have not been angry or hurt.
Also the novel at the start of this thread makes you sound very entitled. You sold a house, had free rent, have stock and have a savings. You are much much better off than many people, much more than almost everyone in my area. Bluntly if I was in your dad's situation.....I would have done the same thing. Saying all this and also saying that you decided to take advantage of the situation to have a kid comes off as really really reeeeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyyy tone-deaf.
I'm not saying that you are this person but if that's how you came across...... remember that if and/or when you decide to reconnect with your parents.
Infinitenexus some Dave Ramsey may be good for you at this point in your life. You definitely need a job. Deliver pizzas, they'll hire you on the spot, you'll earn quick, daily cash, and it is about as low of a responsibility job as you can get so you can still focus on school.
As already mentioned, throw some rod bearings in the Mustang and move it out. Ramps, torque wrench, and time is all it will take. Even if you are in the hole a few thousand and have to pay the loan off you will be ahead.
If your wife is capable, she needs to work. Even if she is part time and you can only work part time, you will be ahead as long as you keep your expenses low. Since you have already canceled a few things, see where else you can cut expenses in your budget. We cannot necessarily have a great impact on our income, but we do have control over our expenses.
Getting the Mustang operational enough to sell it may be the way to go here.
Make that budget now.
93gsxturbo said:Cyberpunk 2077 is $50. Would you rather eat or play video games? Another $50 is the difference between a Marriott and a no-tell-mo-tel.
When I bought the game everything was fine. I was living there and saving $500/month after bills and food. Money was not an issue. There was no "ear or video games" argument when I bought the game.
Purple Frog (Forum Supporter) said:Questions:
How many more semesters is this degree/certification program?
What will it be worth if you finish?
How many hours per day does this course work take?
What year and model is the Mustang?
What zip code are you currently residing?
Computer networking and related jobs pay very, very well. Me getting some formal education in this and probably some CompTIA certifications along the way is currently my only hope for a few solid future for my family. 6 figure jobs are pretty easy with a few years experience. I have about a year left of school.
As for hours per day, I'm not sure. As the January semester draws closer I'll be able to see how the classes work - they're all online but I don't know if it's via zoom meetings or just posting the lesson as a video to YouTube and telling everyone to watch it - which is exactly what my last math class was. I'm hoping the schedule will be something flexible so I can work around it.
Mustang is a 2012 GT and we live in 33870. It's in good shape other than the engine. Clean and low miles.
Antihero (Forum Supporter) said:I'm the guy that mentioned downsizing, you are right to keep the Prius. It'll be a good car for a kid too.
Really your living expenses don't sound terrible. Getting rid of the mustang by fixing it and selling it is a great option and will help even more. While 899 is great for getting paid to go to school it's terrible for pretty much any job. Hell, pretty much any part time job will eclipse that. I understand the reason for the schooling and I understand why you don't want to the wife to work but raising a kid is hard and you will have to sacrifice for years to come. Keeping expenses low is a key to success , one reason my wife's part time job is something we could live on is our mortgage is about a quarter of your rent and we have limited bills.
The next part is the part where you will probably hate me but I think it needs to be said : You were in the wrong with your family. Having a kid while crashing at your parents house is terrible. Having a kid that was planned rather than accidental is exponentially worse. Having kids adds a massive amount of responsibility to your life and if there is one kind of person that won't let you skate on that responsibility.....it's parents because they have had to struggle and they have had to sacrifice to raise kids. There's very few parents that would have not been angry or hurt.
Also the novel at the start of this thread makes you sound very entitled. You sold a house, had free rent, have stock and have a savings. You are much much better off than many people, much more than almost everyone in my area. Bluntly if I was in your dad's situation.....I would have done the same thing. Saying all this and also saying that you decided to take advantage of the situation to have a kid comes off as really really reeeeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyyy tone-deaf.
I'm not saying that you are this person but if that's how you came across...... remember that if and/or when you decide to reconnect with your parents.
The Prius is boring but it's definitely the car to keep and the perfect car for us right now. If I can fix the mustang and sell it that would be a preferable option - my fear is that it's something I can't fix. And then a matter of selling it and making up the extra money that's owed.
As for the rest, I do understand what you're saying and I apologize if I came off as sounding entitled. That certainly wasn't the intention. However, let me remind you that my pregnant wife and I slept on someone else's pubic hair last night while roaches crawled on the walls. The whole "you need some hard truths" angle isn't really helpful.
Let me clarify the monetary stuff and my use of the words "take advantage" because I think people are taking that the wrong way. I think the way I initially worded it makes me sound like I had some good money in previous months and I'm just complaining now. I can assure you, that is not the case
I worked my dream job for 2 months. Not really enough to save up a ton. We sold our house for about $8k in profit. We paid off some debts and that left me with about $4k, which I put into the stock market. I made about $500 over the last three months in there. So we weren't exactly swimming in cash - this was supposed to be the beginning of our nest egg. And that little bit of money we had saved up now has to be used for our current situation.
As for me using the words "take advantage of the situation" let me clarify that I did NOT mean take advantage of my parents. On the contrary, my dad has said for months that he wanted us to stay there as long as we want rent-free and save up as much money as possible, which we were trying to do. We tried to chip in for their electric bill and similar things and my dad insisted no, stay here as long as you'd like and save your money. We decided that would be a decent time to plan to have a kid - let me reiterate that my parents were okay with this. My stepmom was excited for it and my dad told me to stay here and save more money for the baby, then after their 6 month vacation early next year we would move out and get a place in time for the baby to be born. There was never any intention of us living there with a baby. We all agreed that this was a great plan. Four days ago we saw my parents and everything was fine. They were camping, we all ate some grilled food and talked about this and that, and they were excited for the baby. Two days ago, my stepmom flips and suddenly hates us and wants us gone ASAP.
bigbrainonbrad said:Infinitenexus some Dave Ramsey may be good for you at this point in your life. You definitely need a job. Deliver pizzas, they'll hire you on the spot, you'll earn quick, daily cash, and it is about as low of a responsibility job as you can get so you can still focus on school.
As already mentioned, throw some rod bearings in the Mustang and move it out. Ramps, torque wrench, and time is all it will take. Even if you are in the hole a few thousand and have to pay the loan off you will be ahead.
If your wife is capable, she needs to work. Even if she is part time and you can only work part time, you will be ahead as long as you keep your expenses low. Since you have already canceled a few things, see where else you can cut expenses in your budget. We cannot necessarily have a great impact on our income, but we do have control over our expenses.
There's an Amazon about 30-40 miles away. That will pay more than pretty much any job around where I live, and they tend to hire a lot around the holidays so that's going to probably be where I go for. My concern there is all my injuries from being in the army - standing up for that long is extremely painful for me. Hell, just being awake is painful. But I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and deal with it for a while, at least until I finish school and can get something better.
My wife works at Publix. They're a good company but they hire part time and after a while they sometimes move people to full time. She's asking if she can get more hours today. Fingers crossed.
We cut about everything we could from our budget. Right now all we have is the two cars, insurance, cell phones, health insurance, and now of course rent and utilities. We try to eat cheap while still being healthy - trying not to feed ramen noodles to a pregnant woman here haha. Although if I have to, I'll eat them so I can give her better food.
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