Married Folks - Need Advice

Have the wife learn to drive stick but so it does not end in a fight between you two, have a friend teach her. I did similar teaching a friends wife

No. My wife prefers a stick shift.

Well, I have the opposite problem. My wife won't get an automatic. She's a lousy manual driver - won't upshift enough, resulting in e36m3ty fuel economy. It's irritating like no other. I can get 28mpg running around town in the MINI, she only gets 19mpg.

Your car should be just that, YOUR car. Get a manual. Why should you cave and get what she wants in YOUR car. If she runs into a situation where she feels she must drive your car, she'll need to learn to drive with three pedals.

Our family car is going to be a paddleshift.

my house hold we take turns on vehicle decisions. i got first pic i bouht a miata, then she got a z, and then i bought a saab. it's her turn next and although we listen to each others inner "Jeremy Clarkson" we don't necessarily heed the advice. my girl hates manuals but she deals with mine. If she doesn't like the picking idea it may be better to ask for forgiveness then permission.

Give her a hefty gift card to a shoe store located across town. Provide her with only a manual car.

Before the day is out, bammo, she can drive stick.

Mrs. Editor's daily is a Civic Si. Honestly, everyone should know how to drive a stick. What if the zombies come and the only thing available to her is a stick shift?

Not married, but... It's what you want and would make you happy and does not limit her ability to do what she wants or cost the family extra.

If she is concerned about needing to take it in emergencies, it's not that tough to learn how to drive a stick. She can manage it, and it would be a valuable skill in case there is ever an emergency situation where she needs to use a manual transmission. Your buddy [insert name here] can help her learn. The rest of the time, she doesn't have to drive it if she doesn't want to drive stick.

I would work the "It would really mean a lot to me and make me happy," angle for all it's worth. If she gets petty you could pull the, "Are you saying I shouldn't be allowed to have something that would bring me happiness everyday because you're not willing to spend a few hours learning a new skill?" card... but I wouldn't if you don't have to.

When I had this same argument I said that she needed to learn how to drive a stick in case of an emergency or in case her car was broken and she needed to go to the store.

Getting pregnant made her realize that she needed to be prepared.

Now she doesn't really like an auto

Yes Dear, Send her car shopping.

Wow. Really sounds like that old joke about marriage: There is shared money, there is her money, but there is no your money.

It's tough to explain to someone who just sees the car as an appliance just how much our hobby means to us. Since the damn things have a practical application that they can use, it's very difficult to explain it in terms of your hobby versus their own.

This is gonna be a tough one. If you love the woman, only thing I could suggest is buying an auto..and then getting one of your dead ones running well enough to DD. When she asks why you never take out the "new" car, tell her it's because "it's a berkeleying automatic. I can't stand that pig. You actually have two cars. I only need it if my real car dies."

Good luck, this is not going to be pleasant.

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: The wife can't drive manual, doesn't have an interest, sees no reason to know how too. I'm tired of owning automatics, my next car will be manual (unless it's a truck). We will always own two cars, mine and hers. Problem at hand: Ok, so the conversation keeps coming up about new cars (even though we can't afford them, but that's besides the point). I have said a few times that when I get a new car, it will be manual. The wife says that we can't have a manual car because in case there is some reason she needs to drive my car, she needs to be able to drive it. The selfish side of me comes out and I say that *my* next car will be what I want. She says that both cars are *our* cars and that we both need to be involved in vehicle decisions. So at that point I usually give up. Then I throw out that then we need 3 cars as a joke and of course I'm the only one laughing. Eventually we will have three operating cars (or more). I currently own 4 cars in various states of disrepair. This whole conversation always ends in a fight. Does any married GRMers have any advice? A lot of people have multiple cars or possibly similar issues with SWMBO.

Well, you own 4 cars that are manuals (presumably). I think she does have a point (just sayin'), in the fact that you have toys. In this case, I call it a draw. Personally, I'd never marry someone that felt the need to dictate what I DRIVE as my personal vehicle, but that is beyond the scope of this thread. She needs to learn how to drive a stick, as others have said, there may come a time when it is helpful. Ignorance is not bliss, and letting her use that as an excuse just reinforces the habit with other things in marriage.

Oh, yeah..almost forgot..

"You know, carjackers usually back off when they see the car has a manual.."

You can always play the "if you really loved me you'd learn how to drive stick" card, but be prepared with a backup place to sleep, just in case... Fortunately my wife likes to drive stick, loved my old Miata (even when she was hugely pregnant and looked pretty funny climbing out of it), and has always been supportive of my car hobby so long as it didn't destroy the budget or result in derelict cars lying around. If I were you I'd get your favorite of the projects running and convince her that learning stick is an asset for preparedness, and get rid of the other projects. Seems to me that she's really trying to tell you to get rid of them.

I'm a lucky guy here, my girlfriend can drive stick and tolerates the whole car guy thing.

Anyway, we were out a few months ago with some friends when one of her friends says that her husband wants her to learn to drive stick. She said she wasn't interested, and would always have an auto so she didn't need to learn.

My girl made the point that she should learn how to drive stick just in case of an emergency. I liked her line of questioning, "What if your guy gets hurt or drunk? You have to be able to drive his car."

But if you can't afford a new car anyway, why even have the argument? Just try to ease her into the idea of driving a manual, then when you're ready to buy she'll either be receptive to driving a stick or maybe proficient enough that she'll want it too!

It's dumb to not be able to drive a stick. Not wanting to? Fine. Not able to? Dumb.

My wife won't drive an automatic, they freak her out. I never learned to drive an automatic so I can't really have an opinion.

We have a great relationship going on 15 years total. It's very simple. She has her car and I have my car. She has the car she wants and I have the car I want and we don't bitch about each other's decision.

It should simply come down to whoever's name is on the cheque for the monthly payment gets to decide.

Shawn

This is pretty easy. Get a new wife. Problem solved.

First, you gotta know that she's probably fighting you more out of her personal sense of fear of failure, or a bad previous experience with trying to (learn to drive) a stick. I can't imagine any other good reason to be so adverse to learning to the point of getting in a fight about it. Figure that part out first before going any further.

That said, my wife can't currently drive a manual transmission car either, but she has always recognized from a "worst case scenario" perspective that it would be better to be able to drive stick than not. But really, there just hasn't been a reason or motivation for her to do so before now. We were just given her father's original owner, 1981 280zx, and it's a stick, so now she feels motivation to learn.

My point here is to approach it from two different angles...

First, appeal to her from the perspective that in an emergency situation, that it would be better to be able to drive stick than not. Come up with a couple semi-realistic scenarios... i.e. aliens invade the earth and your cars are destroyed by the alien attack cruiser, and the only decent escape vehicle is a neighbor's manual transmission Subaru STi.

Second, find a way to give her the experience of being able to enjoy a sporty/fun stick car... maybe borrow a friend's 'vette or Miata. Or when you go look at new cars, bring her to check out stuff like a manual transmission Mazdaspeed3, BMW 1 series, Ford Mustang, Fiat 500, or whatever.

Hope this helps.

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: Eventually we will have three operating cars (or more). I currently own 4 cars in various states of disrepair.

Okay I think the guys have given some good and bad advice here (getting what you paid for). It is easy to take your side at first, but two of the guys really picked up on the problem here. You have 4 cars in various states of repair. You kind of loose all momentum with that one statement. It sounds like money it tight, so you need to look at these cars and make some hard choices. Some of these are most likely dead weight around your neck. And it is really hard for your wife to listen to your needs when you have that on you. Tell us more about these cars and lets get you really moving forward.

-Is one of the cars a fun sporty car that just needs a little work? -Is one car a great classic but needs $20k to finish it.
-Are you likely to have the extra 20k in the next three-five years.
-Selling three cars to finish one will feel good I promise.
-If you sold all your crap cars (her words) she in unlikely to fight you on your next car and if she does you will have all ammo you need to buy what you want and just say "hey you can be mad or you can learn to drive it". Either way you will be happy for making the sacrifice and getting what you want.

Fortunately my wife drives a manual and prefers it she still won't autocross though. I have gotten her to start riding along at autocrosses and while she screams and tells me to slow down the whole time it is quite fun for both of us.

I think that its kinda hot to see my wife bang gears in her Si. I had to teach her how to drive stick though. It wasnt an overnight process, but she got the hang of it. She kinda had to, since she bought the car from the dealer without being able to drive it.

I'm less concerned about the transmission than the "it always ends in a fight" part.

This ain't worth falling on your sword.

I try to never side with the man (it's safer that way). You are obviously more logical on this one. Ask her if she gives a E36 M3 about logic. No wait, don't do that.

There is NO SUCH THING as an emergency that requires her drive your car. Call a taxi. Call a friend. Ride a bike. Walk.

If she was really concerned about an "emergency", then she should learn to drive a stick. What if she was riding in a friend's manual car who pulled over in some God forsaken remote area, got sick, and lost consciousness? Obviously she will be in a terrible predicament, and won't be able to help.

While she's at it, maybe she should get a CDL and a commercial airplane pilot's license, just in case.

BTW, my daughter (traveling in Europe) found her ability to drive a stick made her the only driver in a large group of people who could drive the rental cars. Maybe she should consider it.

Try to appeal to her emotions (Honey, I'm think you're right that you should be prepared in the event of an emergency, and that's why I think you should learn to drive stick.)

It's your car. Get what you want.

HOWEVER, it is also your marriage, and the marriage is more important than the car. Don't sacrifice the marriage for something so dumb. It ain't worth fighting over.

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: Does any married GRMers have any advice?

Sex by yourself isn't even half as much fun, wasn't that easy?

Mrs. 914 prefers the stick because it snows here, you have a little more control over slowing the car down without locking up the tires. Not willing to learn is just bull headedness, but you knew that when you signed on for the cruise.

Dan

My wife isn't a fan of DDing a stick, but she also realizes she has no say in what my car is other than the moneys involved. She drives what she wants, I drive what I want. Simple as that.

Tell her she can choose your car as soon as you can choose her friends.

Then again my wife calls me a shiny happy person occasionally.