Minor rant thread. Post your rants o' the day here!

Hey, Mr/Mrs Car Owner:

Just because you do not like the answer you got and are planning to drag your car out to dog only knows where is NOT a good reason to bitch about paying the diagnostic charge. The tech who checked your car out used his expertise to tell you exactly what it needs, he should be compensated for that. Would you go to the doctor, have him look you over then say 'you say I have cancer, I don't like hearing that, therefore I'm not going to pay you.'?

I gots a pretty good idea where your car is headed: straight for the shadetree guy in your 'hood who will hang some part on it or stick a used whatever in, butcher the job, then you will come back raising hell because what we diagnosed and someone else botched didn't fix your car. Been there/done that.

Cheap bastard.

Power outage at work today.
After waiting around for 1.5 hours, we get in contact with Duke Energy and get an ever so helpful "Idunno" eta for power to be restored. So the 5 operations techs and I (the only IT staffer that stayed) decide to head home and come back in when power is restored.
I just got out of the Wendy's drive thru and was 3/4ths of the way home when the call comes in that the power is back. Yay! Melted Frosty and cold burger for dinner for Mark tonight.

To top off this wonderful Monday, something happened and the right half of my upper lip is swollen. I look like I'm getting collagen injections on the installment plan.

Dear residents of North Saint Louis,

6:15 AM is not the proper time to test your new 9mm out in the street. In fact there is no time to test your gun out on the street. I hope you get shot drive-by you are planning for tonight. In fact, come here. I have six presents for you.

Go to hell, motherberkeleyer.

Dear Flatmate,

I don't have a problem with people bringing guests to stay here for a few nights. It does start to get on my nerves when you invite a guest to stay here, and then leave town for several days. He is your guest, not ours.

Berkeley you, E36M3ty Harbor Freight tubing bender. 5 minutes of use and the berkeleying threads stripped out of the dies. Now I've got to drive the damn thing back to the store (about an hour) to (hopefully) get a refund 'cause I sure as E36M3 don't want a replacement. Then I'll either have to go spend the extra money to get a proper bender like I should have in the first place, or have a friend bend the tubing for me and hope I've got my bend locations right.

Piss.

I am really getting tired of working for someone who changes their mind every 4 hours. Seriously, pick something and stick with it. We are trying to publish something and I am doing the technical part of it while she is being creative. Well, after we have sent the "final" to the person that is proofing and converting for print, it's not time to start changing things. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHILE WE STILL HAD IT!!!!!

Oh, and it's great when you want all these changes made and tell the guy that has finished the proofing that it was my fault for the changes that you want berkeleying made.

I swear to god, she is lucky the economy sucks right now.

Serenity now!

When I say, "hello," or ask how you are doing, the proper response is NOT to YELL YOUR NAME AT ME. I will ask for that when I want to. No soup for you.

I just spent 80+ hours in the last two week that I did not have of work time proving that the databases from one of the largest companies in the world that I have been using or the last 16 years match across 22 sites. All because one new pissant phD could not accept that the naming conventions are different from what she is used at a different company four years ago and she has no idea how to write a simple search.

We have 10's of thousands of small programs that reference these things. Yes they are laid out like crap internally, the software was originally written when I was 10, and no I am not going to rewrite the entire thing and break 16 years worth of work because you don't like the naming conventions. Go jump in a lake.

One more word about this and I am telling management that she can have free reign over the whole setup and that if she breaks it I am NOT fixing it. This has gotten all the way up to my senior management and they are pissed at me for no berkeleying reason.

Bloody howler monkey's.

Dear National Guard,

You suck and I hate you.

A new crank sensor is $180. Even the Chinese ones are $80.

NSFW: Lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NL-lYj9e8l8

Dear dumbass in the Wal Mart checkout line;

I realize that the average Wal Martian is not exactly the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. But you have lowered the bar even further.

They have the customer service desk there for a reason. You do NOT bring in your defective item, go get another one, then take both to the 'express' lane for the cashier to deal with.

Idiot.

Dear MIL,

The next time you decide to take a massive dump in the bathroom located directly next to the bedroom we’re staying in, would you please trouble yourself to lock the door so I don’t walk in on you.

Additionally, don’t reprimand me later by saying “we” close the door to signal that the bathroom is in use. There is no “we”, I checked, neither of your daughters nor your other son in law have a Berkleying clue what you’re talking about.

Dear berkeleytard - the tunnel is only one lane. You have a yield sign because I can't see the other end from around the bend. BACK THE berkeley UP.

Dear worthless, two bit hag.

You called me at 6:00pm on a Friday afternoon to solve your emergency problem that couldn't wait until Monday. I told you when you called it was going to be expensive at $125.00/hr. I got up from my dinner table, and after already working 9 hours that day, climbed back in my truck to go back to work. It took 5 hours, round trip, to drive to your location and discover that you are an idiot and couldn't pour water out of a boot with the directions written on the bottom. The switch is labeled Off and On for a reason. Stupid is expensive.

Your bill is over 180 days past due. Being nice ended 90 days back. If you don't like getting letters from the collection agency or making a trip to court, pay your berkeleying bill. No, I don't care if it screws up your credit rating. You agreed to the costs and signed the paperwork stating the billed hours. PAY YOUR berkeleyING BILL!!!

Dear Crappy Service Company,

Your customer is calling about his door not working because I repossessed the parts installed during the last service call. That would be the $1400 in parts you still, after 200 days, have not paid for. If you read the invoice you received, all parts are property of EES until the bill is paid in full. We will be happy to reinstall them. The cost will be $500 plus the original invoice, payable in advance, otherwise call someone else. Yes, I know we are the only local company that carries that brand. Yes, your customer was livid that your failure to pay this invoice means his front door will be standing wide open. No, I really don't care if it makes you look bad and costs you a customer. PAY YOUR berkeleyING BILL!!

Collections, I HATE IT!! It pisses me off every time.

PAY YOUR berkeleyING BILL!!

Wow, that worked. I feel better.

See you next week.

This about sums it up for me: http://blogs.vancouversun.com/2012/01/31/apropos-of-nothing-get-off-my-lawn/

I am trying to buy an 18' car hauler. People don't seem to understand, I WANT a cheap one.

Seriously, it's a couple pieces of steel welded together with wood on top and axles attached to the bottom. It's going to see all highway miles and never be overloaded by some construction worker doofus who wants to put a 8000 pound skidsteer on it. Is it really too much to ask? I am not going to pay $4k for a freikin' plank on wheels. I will consider $3k as my absolute max.

Sometimes I hate this province. It fits into the "race to the bottom" theorem perfectly. Since everyone has so much money (especially people that shouldn't), they just buy whatever they want at WHATEVER the price. They go "I want, therefore I'll have". So you end up paying insane amounts of money for a trailer because every oilpatch worker will buy one for an obscene price no questions asked.

Oh, RossD, amazing article. However, for what it is worth, 2.5 men WAS mindlessly good comedy. It was everything you could want out of crappy slapstick. It wasn't "good", but it was satisfying in the way a big mac is.

Dear dain bramage;

Just because 'it's on the intarwebs' or 'it's all over the forums' does not mean that X is automatically 'under a recall'. Recalls are VIN specific, as I have pointed out nicely 4 times in this conversation and you keep asking the same question, hoping I will suddenly say 'Oh yeah, your rattling glovebox at 125K miles just magically appeared on the recall list. Come on down!' Also, saying that you think whatever is bugging you should be under a recall are not magic words which automatically make it so.

Dear moron;

Here's how conversation works: you ask me a question, and then I will answer it using my years of experience to be as accurate as possible. Then, (and this is the hard part) you can either believe me or not, but don't stand there with your mouth hanging open saying "Really?" after every statement. You are going to end up choking on my fist.

Thank you, the Management

EastCoastMojo wrote: Dear moron; Here's how conversation works: you ask me a question, and then I will answer it using my years of experience to be as accurate as possible. Then, (and this is the hard part) you can either believe me or not, but don't stand there with your mouth hanging open saying "Really?" after every statement. You are going to end up choking on my fist. Thank you, the Management

Really?

I will remember this.

Dear advisor at [large retirement plan company]:

Yes, I asked you to send me rollover paperwork to pull my funds out of your company's plan and put it in another. Yes, I know your job is to try to keep as much money in those things as possible. Yes, I know this year's return on the fund I am in is outperforming the market.

But I have been in this plan for nearly ten years and every year the thing climbs like mad then it suddenly tanks. I have gone over the returns for all of those years and I have almost broken even, while [large retirement plan company] has hit me for fees every quarter, meaning y'all have made more than I have. Yeah, I might miss out on another 5% or so of return but I won't see the 35% drop after the first of the year that has happened 8 out of those 10 years. I like rollercoasters, but not this type.

So keeping me on the phone for 20 minutes before finally relenting and getting the paperwork in the mail serves only to piss me off and waste your time.

Time for me to take my windfall and leave, same way I leave a party: before it poops out and there's two or three drunks lolling on the couch as the hosts try to get them to go home.

See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.

Dear motherberkeleying TV producers,

STOP USING AN ADHD 10-YEAR-OLD HYPED UP ON SODA AND SPEED AS A CAMERAMAN!!!!

Seriously I can't even watch TV anymore because the camera is constantly zooming in and out and shaking. What the berk are they thinking?!? I'm about to have a damn seizure over here!

Dear cheapass TV stations;

When you compress a show to squeeze in a minute of ad time, that's not really noticeable. OTOH, when you compress the ads for the same reason it makes them nearly untintelligible. So now I suddenly have some asswipe yelling unintelligibly at me to try to convince me to buy some E36 M3 that no one really needs. That pisses me off so bad when it happens that I promise myself I will NEVER buy that company's products.

Sincerely,

The guy paying for the damn cable service in the first place.

In reply to Curmudgeon:

I pay quite a bit for cable. Why do I have to watch those damn commercials?

I started using the mute button yrs ago ... even counting the Super Bowl I bet I don't "watch" 50 commercials a yr ... and those are usually 'cause my mind is on something else and I don't hear the commercial start