Options for a new HS grad?

Our 2nd-oldest will be graduating high-school this May. Unlike his older brother, who knew he wanted to get a degree in mathematics and was willing to work for it, this boy doesn't have any real direction.

Additionally, he's special-needs/learning-disabled(whatever they call it now). He has a passing grade, but not much more. His main problems are memory and testing difficulties. He also has an average amount of teenage laziness in regards to his schoolwork, and uses his limitations as a crutch sometimes.

He's mentioned college, but he's not at a point he could handle it, and I don't want him getting student loans on the very likely chance he won't make it. He is a hard worker when given a job to do, but he has no real-world work experience. He's not interested in the military either.

My question is this - do any of you have knowledge on the union apprenticeship tests, specifically for the Laborer's Union? I'm wondering if that might be his best opportunity?

No knowledge on any of the union apprenticeship tests, but until he gets a direction I would have him get a job--cashier, janitor, stock boy--and take at least one class a semester at the community college (Parkside? Danville?). At least that way he'll get some experience under his belt and get gen-eds out of the way if he does want to go to college eventually.

community college is often not that expensive. Have him start with a course or two a semester.

Thats a rough predicament...I can't say I have been there before ( I thought I knew what I wanted to do when I graduated HS, a few different time actuall... ) but I know the feeling. It took me a few tries taking different classes and switching majors at a university before I settled on nursing and graduates. If I would have known that would have been the case, then I would've gone community college route and dabbled in majors, met some cool people, and hopefully had a more solid idea of what was right for me. It may have taken just as long, but I know it would've been cheaper!

Advice for someone graduating HS with no real sights set/idea of what to do?....man, that's a tough one. I assume you're not kicking him out anytime soon?...maybe help him get a part time local job to stimulate some kind of work ethic or interest in certain fields? Pestering (ever so nicely of course) if he's thought of any interests he would like to pursue or try out? I mean, out of HS is still pretty young, a lot of the time it does take a while to figure out what to do from there..

Any city jobs that he would be interested in? My one brother and I did a few summers working with the Service Dept., doing basic stuff like mowing grass, pool maintenance, city clean up, tree branch removal, etc....maybe something in the public service center?

Whatever the decision, best of luck to the whole bunch of you...it can be a very frustrating time for both you and him...just be patient and helpful when needed!

Votech....welding, a/c or whatever else seems like he would be interested

Your kid sounds like me at that age, though thank god my laziness and "active imagination" were never diagnosed as it were. I wouldn't dare suggest how to raise your kid, but I'll tell you what worked for me:

At 14, my Dad made me get a job. Drove my ass around to every restaurant in town. I got a job washing dishes for $5/hr cash. I hated melting my freaking hands off, and was 'promoted' to bus boy. Found another job waiting tables at a nicer restaurant (all relative - we're talking north ga here,) hated waiting tables, but liked cooking. At 16, I ran (seriously. ME.) the kitchen of this buffet restaurant 6 nights a week.

At 17, my Dad said "What do you plan on doing after HS?" I gave the obligatory "Well, I'd like to get an associates degree and...." - "No, I mean where do you plan on LIVING!?"

Dad then broke down for me the whole first & last month's rent, utilities, car insurance, FORGET being able to afford a girlfriend" thing down for me. Suddenly the $3k I'd saved from working didn't seem like much.

Anyway, I did well in college, but couldn't afford more than a year, and didn't qualify for grants/loans because my folks made too much money.

Started my own business eventually and am doing pretty damned well, AND I'm able to say nobody ever gave me a goddamned thing in my adult life. I've done it on my own.

Make him work. You may be surprised at what he's capable of. If he REALLY wants to go to school, let him take on the first year's tuition and see how he does. If he does great, maybe give him a hand.

My $.02. YMMV.

I have a friend just like your boy. He is a good guy and does great work when he is motivated, but otherwise he just sits around cruising Facebook, volunteer fire fighter, watching car movies, and playing with his kid.

He barely graduated high school, went to college only because he was really good at running track until he blew out something important, was a really good janitor till he got fired (was doing 8 hours of work in 4, doing it well enough to earn Employee of the Month a few times, then leaving while punched in or sleeping in a closet or spare room) then worked as a parts bitch at a school bus dealer until he got in a fight and quit, then did construction gopher work till that got slow. He has been to every college and tech school within driving distance of his parents' house.

He did one really smart thing and married a super awesome girl who makes decent jack and puts up with his E36 M3. Now he is Mr. Mom. Sitting at home playing with his EVO, hanging out, taking his 4 month old girl everywhere, selling odd parts, going to lunch and driving truck with his old man from time to time. I am jealous.

JoeyM wrote: Votech....welding, a/c or whatever else seems like he would be interested

I WISH someone would've pushed me in that direction - instead, they said "but you're really smart." Smartest people I know are skilled tradesmen, and "who knew?" I'm really good at working with my hands.

poopshovel wrote:

JoeyM wrote: Votech....welding, a/c or whatever else seems like he would be interested

I WISH someone would've pushed me in that direction - instead, they said "but you're really smart." Smartest people I know are skilled tradesmen, and "who knew?" I'm really good at working with my hands.

One of the things that I loved about Crawford's book Shopcraft As Soulcraft was his discussion of how he got more intellectual stimulation from work as an electrician than he did as a "knowledge worker" in an office

I can't speak for the Laborers, but I know a little bit about Steamfitters/Plumbers, having been on the Joint Apprenticeship Committee. Where once it was who, not what you knew, it's different with Affirmative Action and Big Brother watching everything. It can still be done, but the unions are not the dumping grounds they once were. There is a huge emphasis on continuing education and the contractors have bought into that as well. My own apprenticeship was five years of school two nights a week and 10,000 hours of on the job training. College was easier. That being said, there is a world of opportunity if one is motivated and willing to learn. It doesn't sound like Jr. is motivated enough, and like a lot of people his age, doesn't know what he wants to do. The apprenticeship program is monitored by the state. The tests are reviewed by the state as well as the union. Military experience, vocational schools, etc. are given preference. Past work history is a big consideration, also. Trade union jobs can be decent paying, but only if there is work. When times are tough, it's tougher to stay employed. Have him get a job, any job. He'll figure it out from there. More important than$$ is that he finds something he likes. OTOH, no one wants their son/daughter to be a garbageman, but where would we be without them?

all I can say.. if I had known then what I know now.. I would never have changed my major from Marine Biology to Communications...

Sounds like he hasn't found himself yet. He sounds exactly like me. It also sounds like as a parent you are assuming that the older sibling will be the most successful because he has followed the path your generation considers to be success. The older sibling chose that path because he feels he needs to set the tone for those to come. It does NOT mean he will be the most successful or the happiest later down the road.

I also want to bring to your attention that I was prescribed ritalin in highschool because I had learning disabilities. Not wanting to sit in a classroom for 8 hours every day is not a learning disability. It's called actually having an idea of how valuable your time is, and how you want to spend it. I pitched the meds, told my parents and doctor to shove it, and proceeded to impress myself every day in the things I set out to do. If my parents had paid attention to my desires early on, I would be FAR MORE successful now than I am.

I urge your son to

A) watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4
B) skip doing drugs
C) screw up on women soon vs later
D) go hungry so he knows why providing for yourself is important

Your only job is to not be an shiny happy person and to give him a good meal every now and then.

My $0.02 having done what it sounds like he's about to do, and in his generation as well.

poopshovel wrote:

JoeyM wrote: Votech....welding, a/c or whatever else seems like he would be interested

I WISH someone would've pushed me in that direction - instead, they said "but you're really smart." Smartest people I know are skilled tradesmen, and "who knew?" I'm really good at working with my hands.

QFT

http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=PASEG5xLlRo

We support a lot of welders. One area for Welders to start is the AWS (American Welding Society). I also encourage machinists, mold makers, and tool & die makers.

What about doing a stint in the military? He'd earn some money, learn a lot about discipline, get a few years to mature and learn about himself, and have some cash for college when he gets out. More importantly, there's the pride of serving your country. You can learn a lot of good skills there, too.

petegossett wrote: He's mentioned college, but he's not at a point he could handle it, and I don't want him getting student loans on the very likely chance he won't make it.

He sounds not too different from me at that age.

I got a job at Wendy's for a year. The time off and "real world" experience was really good for me. Lived at home with my parents, but pretty much took care of myself.

Then I went to the local Community College. That was great too. Cheap and less intimidating than the big schools in the city. I ended up finishing my undergrad at Northern Kentucky University- a four year school with a lot of "non traditional" students. Not a party school. Almost all commuters - a few dorms, but not many. Lots of people in their later 20s going there at the time and a lot of them were paying for it themselves. So they were there to get some work done.

My life is much better for it. I worked hard after school and make a nice, if I do say so myself, six figure salary now. College is still a good choice, and you still don't have to pay a million bucks to get an education. Look around for a good fit. I know a place here in Denver that's a lot like the school I went to. Good, affordable schools are out there. Don't get too hung up on the name.

By the way, it took me six years to get a four year degree. My ADHD was diagnosed but untreated at that point in my life. I just needed a little time. I was lucky to have parents that didn't mind me living at home until I was 24.

Thanks everyone!

To address some of the questions/comments above:

Actually, his older brother was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD at a young age. We had him taken off the meds the start of his senior year, and he's stepped up to keep his grades up. We have no presumptions the older sibling will be more successful.

When I stated "college", I should have been more clear that I meant "community college". That's where his brother is going now. They do offer vocational classes too, and I'll research those a little more, but he really has no interest in working with tools/his hands. I've forced him into the garage a few times and had him help on some small construction projects around the house. He always works, but just never really gets interested.

We're in a small, pretty remote town. There really aren't many jobs here at all, so it's hard to get hired. He doesn't drive, nor does he have any friends, so until he can get a job and save up enough for a car, that becomes another catch-22.

We've really tried to convince him to enlist in the military, but he has no interest in it.

I'll see what vocational options are available nearby, at least then he could car-pool with his brother, which would ease the transportation issue.

What about the fringe military, like the Coast Guard or the National Guard?

If you are thinking restaurants, look for a Chick-fil-a. Strong work ethic, and they support and help pay for college.

The vocational options are good, but get him on a path for apprenticeship or certification of some kind. Union, Vo-Tech, etc. There is very little need out there for just another guy who swings a hammer.

petegossett wrote: , but he really has no interest in working with tools/his hands. I've forced him into the garage a few times and had him help on some small construction projects around the house. He always works, but just never really gets interested.

My father tried to get me to work in the garage a few times. Tried to teach me how to do things like rotate tires and change oil. Maybe I didn't have respect for him at the time because my dreams were largely ignored as fads/hobbys.

One day my car (Nissan nx2000) spun a bearing. I begged my grandmother to sponsor an engine swap and she agreed. I had never changed oil at that point and completed the sr20ve swap with no help or issues. It was the best education I have ever received.

Never assume.

And I know you're trying to help, but there's no way he's going to just wake up and say "thanks for researching and selecting the best career paths for me dad!" and then choose one. The kid needs to berkeley up. We all know this but it seems like most people don't want to say it. We've all berkeleyed up and that's how we learned.

SVreX wrote: What about the fringe military, like the Coast Guard or the National Guard?

While most times the Coast Guard does not get shot at (unless dealing with drug runners) don't think they do not have one of the most dangerous jobs in the US.

They are also very picky about who they take in. They are a small force and can afford to take only those who they want.

I wanted to be a coastie, but my intestinal issues put paid to that

poopshovel wrote: Anyway, I did well in college, but couldn't afford more than a year, and didn't qualify for grants/loans because my folks made too much money.

this is one thing I think needs to be fixed in the student loan/grant system.
It is extremely hard to be considered an independent student. The only reason I got to file as independent is I was married. Otherwise, if you are less than 25 you are dependent, even if your parents AREN'T going to help you out with school. So you're basically screwed if you're parents won't help you out.

poopshovel wrote:

JoeyM wrote: Votech....welding, a/c or whatever else seems like he would be interested

I WISH someone would've pushed me in that direction - instead, they said "but you're really smart." Smartest people I know are skilled tradesmen, and "who knew?" I'm really good at working with my hands.

QFT +1.
I always heard the "oh but you're really smart, the people in tech math will be going to vocational schools while you go to a state uni.
I would be completely jobless right now if I could have even finished "real" college". I did a year and a half at community college to make sure I wasn't going to be wasting gigantic student loans, and I switched majors six times.
I just didn't like it and it wasn't for me, and I got a 720 Lit SAT/580 Math SAT score, which is pretty good.
I'm very glad I went to a school where I could learn things that I actually wanted to learn, Nearly everything in college was either something I already knew, or had no relevance in life.

SVreX wrote: What about the fringe military, like the Coast Guard or the National Guard? If you are thinking restaurants, look for a Chick-fil-a. Strong work ethic, and they support and help pay for college. The vocational options are good, but get him on a path for apprenticeship or certification of some kind. Union, Vo-Tech, etc. There is very little need out there for just another guy who swings a hammer.

Hey, there's always the chance that he'll have to go kill someone if he joins the National Guard. Furthermore, all of the training is Army, so he'll have to go to basic, AIT, etc. through the Army. That means, he'll get to have Drill Sergeants yelling in his face and whatnot. It doesn't really change until you're on a drill status. Then, when you get sent to some remote E36 M3hole, you're doing the "real" Army thing again.

That said, it would be a great way for him to save up some money, get educational benefits for the tech school, and get movie theater discounts.

Taiden wrote: The kid needs to berkeley up. We all know this but it seems like most people don't want to say it. We've all berkeleyed up and that's how we learned.

The only things I learned in college were learned that way. I wish it had cost less money though.

In my case, I knew what I wanted to do and knew that no one was going to support that decision. So I kept my mouth shut and followed the expected path for a while.

The kid will figure it out; no one can do that for him.

Not all branches of the miliary feel much like the military. I was in the Air National Guard for 6 years while I was in school. I could have picked a more interesting career field, but I have zero regrets.

My story: Did well through HS, but didn't have any money, neither did my folks and I wasn't too fond of the idea of college loans. Enter the natn'l guard. They pay 100% for state tuition and provided me something on the order of 800-900/mo to live on for working 1 weekend a month. In turn, I had to go to basic training (7 weeks in Texas, it sucked). Then a technical school. My career was a general purpose vehical mechanic, logic being that if I ever fell on hard times as an engineer, I had a vocation I can fall back on. The school was very hands on, and pretty easy. 4 months of that in SoCal and then I'm back at home and can go to school. The discpline served me well and the service stuck out on my resume when I graduated and was competing for jobs.

Downside: I could have had to go to the desert. I didn't have to, but had I been told that we were going, I would have gone. The air national guard career fields are technical and that's what you enlist to do. I have the utmost respect for the Army and Marines for what they do out there.