Physics joke

curtis73 wrote: A philosopher walks into a crowded bar and says, "Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?"

Excellent.

Where I work there are a few flat wall signs that read "Employes only passed this point." I usually blurt out to anyone within earshot. "That's not a point, that's a plane!"

What did the deaf, dumb, & blind kid get for Christmas?

Cancer.

I realize it's not a physics joke, but I thought this thread needed some comic relief.

4cylndrfury wrote: One from my field of expertise...

You're an expert in mugging little old ladies??

Appleseed wrote: Where I work there are a few flat wall signs that read "Employes only passed this point." I usually blurt out to anyone within earshot. "That's not a point, that's a plane!"

And supporting the stereotype of engineers sucking at the grammers, you don't point out that it should be "past" and not "passed."

4cylndrfury wrote:

I'll see your periodic table and raise you Theodore Grey's periodic table

(tiles for related elements made from matching wood types, the tiles removeable to reveal the element samples underneath.)

poopshovel wrote: What did the deaf, dumb, & blind kid get for Christmas?

A pinball machine?

I should probably not dredge up unfunny jokes that I told in 2011.....

JoeyM wrote: The first thing you should do in this sort of situation is to assume a spherical horse..."

.....but wired currently has some calculations about spherical ducks
http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2013/02/why-would-i-fight-a-horse-sized-duck/

Old joke from my field.

On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.

Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."

A dead man walks into an ER and says "My head hurts."

Why do white bears dissolve in water?

Because they're polar.

The bartender says "We don't allow your kind in here".

A neutrino walks in to a bar.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: The bartender says "We don't allow your kind in here". A neutrino walks in to a bar.

Somewhere in there, that joke should incorporate a loose fiber optic cable

From computer networking:

The best thing about telling jokes about UDP is that I don't care whether or not you get them.

2 pages in and this one hasn't surfaced? Two physics students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second student replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyway."

Q: Hey, man, what's new?

A: Frequency.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks "hey, how much for a beer?"

"For you," replies the bartender, "there is no charge."

What's the difference between an introvert and extrovert engineer?

The extrovert looks at your shoes when he talks.

Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first asks for a H2O and gets a glass of water.

The second says, I'll have a H2O too. He's dead now.

In reply to Toyman01:

Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Texas A & M future engineer?

iadr wrote: Why can't engineers tell a joke timing.

water up nose and spit on monitor, thanks!

Sput wrote: Texas A & M future engineer?

nawwww more likely Clemson

joke from my field...

Why do sound engineers only count to two?

On three they have to pick up something