Serious medical discussion about STDs

Thank goodness, not an STD of my own, but I wanted to discuss (in an adult, medical way) an STD.  Herpes to be specific

The long story is that I might have found my next future ex girlfriend.  We've known each other for 5 years, we have a blast every time we're together, we've discussed a mutual attraction, but we were never single/available at the same time.  Great friends, mutual attraction, sounds like a recipe for something enriching.  She confided in me that she has Herpes.  I was very supportive, not only because I could tell it was embarrassing for her to discuss it, but I also have massive respect for her mature choice to tell me long before any intimacy would happen.

Being 46, I grew up in the scare-tactic days of sex ed in health class.  They of course lumped every STD into the "awful" category, and they would show you blurred out pictures of some guy's hootus covered in sores.  But, they also told me that Christopher Columbus discovered the new world and he was a really nice dude who was respectful to women and indigenous people.  Maybe not a credible source.  Then, cut ahead to today and I'm told it isn't a big deal and more poeple have it than you'd expect.  I understand the differences in the types of Herpes, but I have zero real-world experience with the genital variety.

This isn't a "should I date her or not" thread.  My gut reaction is that it's a deal-breaker, but I wanted to get education and clarity before I ignorantly pass on what could be a great relationship.

Again, I'd like a mature, medical discussion.  I don't mind comedy, but it's a sensitive topic for me - mostly because I care for my friend a great deal.

I don't have any specific information, but I've heard that Herpes isn't that big of a deal.  If you think this girl could be a part of your life, maybe you should take a chance.  Whats the worst that could happen?  

Comedy 

Eddie Murphy said: 

​​​​​Then they came out with herpes. You keep that E36 M3 forever, like luggage. 

But my limited understanding is that it's mostly contagious during an outbreak. 

You should probably talk to your doctor about this. See what he says. And maybe a specialist as well. My gut reaction is the same as yours, but I’d want a professional opinion. 

As usual take everything with a grain of salt but Adam sums it up pretty well 

I love Adam ruins everything.

Type 1, or Type 2?

Type 1 is ridiculously common, and is not even considered an STD by many medical professionals  (because it can be passed by casual contact, like drinking from the same cup).  More than 50% of people have it (and some estimates are MUCH higher- like over 80%).

Have you been tested?  Honestly, there’s a pretty good chance you have it already.

Yes. Discuss with your doctor.

rustyvw said:

Whats the worst that could happen?  

Herpes?

In reply to dculberson :

Yep. Occasional cold sores. 

If it’s HSV1, it needs to be managed. You need a partner who understands, and is prepared to help manage it. If you don’t, it can become HSV2. You don’t want HSV2. 

If its HSV2, it’s a bigger concern. It’s worth considering hard. But as a middle aged person who is essentially monogamous and committed, even that can be managed. Especially since the risks associated with pregnancy, etc are probably off the table. 

Your friend is doing the right thing. She has told you honestly, and knows the consequences may be that she scares you off and loses you. That’s really big- encourage her in that level of honesty and vulnerability. 

Now it’s your choice. 

In my experience, with life, not just relationships.

Always trust your gut.

Don't let it be the end all, be all.

But take it's opinion under serious consideration.

In reply to Curtis :

I don’t think your gut is telling you this is a deal-breaker. I think your gut is telling you that you really want this, but you are scared. 

You spent several long paragraphs explaining how wonderful she is and how misinformed you were in your upbringing regarding STDs, but only 1 short sentence saying your gut says it’s a deal-breaker. 

Curtis said:

The long story is that I might have found my next future ex girlfriend. 

 

I know this was said in jest but I would be concerned that you are subconsciously looking for failure in your relationships before they start.

As far as STDs I agree with others, talk to a professional.

I have several patients with herpes.  I can't remember if it is acyclovir (sp) that they take to prevent out breaks.  I know at least two couples that have had children where the woman had herpes.  I'm not where you are, but I wanted to chime in with what I have seen in my practice.  I'm a chiropractor, so I don't manage this, but I have always been amazed at people who life very full lives in spite of std's.  I do know a few women who will never receive oral sex  because they are worried their husbands transmit herpes.  Again, that is a lifestyle choice.

Man, nothing is ever simple

Thank you all for the considered replies.

... Curtis thinks up an excuse to go to the doctor to ask questions....

In reply to Curtis :

When is the last time you checked your cholesterol?  Ask an opinion on an early colonoscopy?  The excuses are endless!

I heard some statistic before about 1 in 4 adults had it? And i heard that many years ago.  Not sure if that included HSV1 or 2. 
 

this reminds me though of a guy i was working with who had a "cold sore" which required meds. I think i had asked him about a drink or i needed one, he offers me his, i of course say nah, no thanks. He comes back with something like "its ok, i dont have cooties" and he was totally serious.  

Curtis said:

... Curtis thinks up an excuse to go to the doctor to ask questions....

Tell the Doctor you've got some questions about a possible partner with Herpes. Done.
 

In reply to Brett_Murphy :

That's probably the best way. You don't want to forget why you're there.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-b7TO4YcltE

thedoc said:

In reply to Curtis :

When is the last time you checked your cholesterol?  Ask an opinion on an early colonoscopy?  The excuses are endless!

Ironically, just checked my cholesterol two weeks ago.

Early colonoscopy?  I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

dculberson said:

rustyvw said:

Whats the worst that could happen?  

Herpes?

LOL idk about new Curtis, but old Curtis’ dick was in 13th place on the GRM Highest Mileage Daily Rides list

rustybugkiller said:

Curtis said:

The long story is that I might have found my next future ex girlfriend. 

 

 

 

 

I know this was said in jest but I would be concerned that you are subconsciously looking for failure in your relationships before they start.

As far as STDs I agree with others, talk to a professional.

Yes, totally in jest.  I actually think the opposite - sometimes too much.  I always assume "this is the one forever" and I sometimes miss all the warning signs that it isn't.

AngryCorvair said:

dculberson said:

rustyvw said:

Whats the worst that could happen?  

Herpes?

LOL idk about new Curtis, but old Curtis’ dick was in 13th place on the GRM Highest Mileage Daily Rides list

Haaaa.  If only that were true.  These days I'm more concerned about dry rot.

My best man from my wedding is HIV+.  He has been happily married for as long as it has been legal, and to my knowledge his husband is HIV- to this day.

Anything is manageable.  The question is how much management it takes.  I hope it works out for you, bud.

SVreX said:

Type 1, or Type 2?

Type 1 is ridiculously common, and is not even considered an STD by many medical professionals  (because it can be passed by casual contact, like drinking from the same cup).  More than 50% of people have it (and some estimates are MUCH higher- like over 80%).

Have you been tested?  Honestly, there’s a pretty good chance you have it already.

Yes. Discuss with your doctor.

I was tested prior to being intimate with Baltimore girl (2017-2018) as a mutual agreement. Since her, I've had sex once with a friend that I've known for many years and we had a very candid conversation.  (see dry rot comment above.  Stuff is slow these days, but I'm quite alright with that after losing Baltimore girl.  That was a tough one.)  I'm not sure what all they tested for, but we both tested positive for the cold sore type, whichever one that is.  I can recall once getting a cold sore on my lip when I was a kid, maybe twice.

I've never had anything genital that presented itself with outward symptoms.  Other than sweat.  And a bee sting.  Don't pee outside without checking for a yellow jacket nest in the ground.  The swelling was impressive.  Too bad I was too young to make the association. My history is pretty minimal, truth be told.  I'm a long-term, connection kinda guy.  I tend toward the types of interaction that have the trust to go with the thrust.  I'm not much for random hookups.