So I have a dog question about doing the right thing.

So this is hard. May seem silly to some but it's probably the worst moral dilemma I've come up against.

For 2 years we have considered adopting a greyhound. We would go to meet and greets and love on them and just loved the breed. But we are cat people. We have two and they are our family. Blossom and Muira. If you follow me on insta you've seen them. Finally we decided to pull the trigger early this spring and signed up to adopt. We fenced in the backyard, bought a kennel, a gps locator, great food, a harness, kong, heck I even decided to sell my miata I have owned for over a decade and bought a Subaru wagon to carry him in. We were ready. And then Greg came up for adoption. An almost two year old brindle male, 73 lbs. we met him, and fell in love. We decided to adopt him and picked him up the next weekend. He is the most gentle, sweetest dog I have met. Not aggressive at all, suuuuuper lazy (typical of a greyhound) not threatening at all, just one of the purest souls I think I've ever met.

But, it doesn't feel right. I don't know why. It's possible we are just plain not dog people. I hate to even say it because he is so perfect. All the things he does we are prepared for. We don't mind bagging up poop, or talking him out, or feeding him on a certain schedule or sharing our couch. There have been no surprises other than the fact that it doesn't feel right. And before you think I'm just being an insensitive shiny happy person you need to know I've been straight up sobbing over this the last two nights. I don't mean getting a little misty "someone must be cutting onions" BullE36 M3, I mean hard to breath weeping. I feel like I'm betraying a trust this perfect animal put in me. That makes me feel like all the stuff I've prided myself on, that if nothing else you can trust what I say has all been crap the last 37 years.
Now, the adoption group has said they want a dog back if it doesn't work out. They say often times it doesn't. But is that the right thing? Do you really back out of something because it doesn't "feel" right? What kind of cowardly E36 M3 is that? But, by the other side of it, do I deny the dog being adopted by another family that is just ecstatic to have him around because I'm afraid to look like a coward? My wife is also on the same page as me. We just don't know what is right. Her biggest issue is that it has completly changed the dynamic of her and her babies, the cats. I know it sounds silly but to some of you it will make sense. She feels like she has betrayed her cats by bringing in something that terrifys Muira, (through no fault of greg, he hasn't done anything aggressive, though just today he did growl a little and bark at blossom, but I'm sure he was just telling her the couch was his space... although it's been blossoms space for the last 13 years... he doesn't know that) but Jamie feels just as awful and tdwn as me. To be honest Jamie pushed a bit more for the dog than me, but I was still 110% on board. I don't know what to do. I want to tough this out but I'm afraid if I'm just prolonging the inevitable, it will only be harder on him to spectate from us. He's only been with us a week, and I feel like he does love me, but I'm sure he will be ok. None of the solutions feel right. I've gone back and forth a hundred times. I love this dog, so much. But I'm not sure I'm the right pack for him, or him for us. My heart is just broken over this. I mean really, really tore up... not eating, not exercising... and that's weird for me.

In reply to joey48442:

I learned years ago I'm not a dog person. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs, I just know I don't make a good dog owner.

It sounds like you guys actually make good dog owners, it's just the changes resulting from the inclusion of the new dog into your life that's causing problems. I completely understand the issues between the new dog & your cats - it's possible they'll work themselves out over time, or maybe not. My concern would be whether keeping the dog would only result in a continuation of increasing stress between the members of your family(including pets), and if so, then it sounds like returning him is probably the best choice.

That's what I keep coming back to. I adore this dog. I really love him. But I don't feel right having him live with us. I wish it did, so much. He was all we thought about and talked about for months.

We have three dogs and four cats. All of them are rescues. Every one of them had a period of time where it didn't feel right. Bringing a new animal into the house upsets the dynamics of the entire household. This can take a while to sort itself out. In my experience the cats will get used to the dog and vice versa. The cats will likely end up on top again. Every little thing takes a little time so don't force it. If it's only been a week I'd say wait it out. Try to get back to your normal routine. Animals sense stress and it can extend the whole process. If it really doesn't work out don't beat yourself up about it. Animals live in the moment, he'll move on to another home and settle in there just like he's doing with you.

And yes, my wife's happiness trumps all. I want her to be happy.

Pete Gossett wrote:

In reply to joey48442:

I learned years ago I'm not a dog person. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs, I just know I don't make a good dog owner.

It sounds like you guys actually make good dog owners, it's just the changes resulting from the inclusion of the new dog into your life that's causing problems. I completely understand the issues between the new dog & your cats - it's possible they'll work themselves out over time, or maybe not. My concern would be whether keeping the dog would only result in a continuation of increasing stress between the members of your family(including pets), and if so, then it sounds like returning him is probably the best choice.

In reply to Wayslow: That's what we are trying to do. Keep our normal routine. They told us that we bring the dog into our lives, not the other way around. But as silly as it may sound or not, my wife feels like her home isn't hers anymore, if that makes sense. I see what she's saying. Even when he's sleeping and looking adorable it's still upsetting the balance, and I'm realizing my wife really needs balance.

Definitely return to the rescue. I had to do that with my Pit Bull when I got divorced two years ago.

I was letting her keep the house and trying to find a rental property that allows "aggressive breeds" is nearly impossible.

No shame or guilt in returning him to the adoption place. It's the right thing to do, all the way around.

You guys sound like great dog owners and great dog owners know when a dog doesn't fit. The nice thing about the Greyhound Adoption organizations is that through their processes they get people who really do want these dogs and are prepared for them, so it's not like Greg is going to go off and end up in an abusive household or someplace where he's neglected. He'll be in good hands.

Part of the reason I don't want a dog. I love dogs. But they take up as much "life space" as a child, and well, I want a child.

Sorry it isn't working out. It sounds like you guys have a very clear idea of exactly how things should be and a dog isn't a "just so" sort of critter the way a cat is. Good to have discovered this now while you can still take him back.

Here's where I go shiny happy person: remember this experience if you find yourselves wanting actual children. If you think this is tough with a dog, kids are a whole 'nother level of commitment and there are no take backs with them.

In reply to KyAllroad: Oh, I don't think that's an shiny happy person thing to say at all. My wife keeps saying this makes her think she really doesn't actually want children

I don't think there is any shame in returning the dog if it's just not jiving with the household. That being said, I think you should give it more time to work out. The cats should friendly up to the dog and eventually take their dominance of the household back. I think you guys need more time to adjust too. Cats are independent and really just live in the background, where as dogs tend to dominate the environment.

I would say that if the incorporation of the animal is strainign your life (in any way), then you are not positioned to be the best home and should return.

I understand the feeling of letting the animal down, consider a donation to the group to help ease your conscience if that would help. It can help you feel the the right thing was done.

Dogs will adapt. Return him to the rescue or try and find a placement yourself.

You gave him a little vacation.

In reply to NEALSMO:

That's a real good description of the problem. We are used to animals that are more self fulfilled... we knew it's different with feeding and walking and pooping... that's not a problem at all. But the everything in between is so off to us... it's like dating a beautiful, funny, smart girl who has no hobbies or interests of her own. Could it be that we love dogs, just are not very dog like??

In reply to Apexcarver:

Oh yeah, we have hundreds of dollars of gear we purchased that would go back to the group if nothing else.

Maybe I missed it, but how long has he been with you? Some times it takes several months for everyone to adapt.

OTOH, we went through something similar. My wife had a Dane when she was a kid and after we lost our 2 lab mixes we adopted a dane mix. (it took quite a while for us to get back to adopting honestly.) Lucy had been bounced around between owners and shelters and was about 18 months old. Not a bad dog, but aleady BIG and no one had ever given her any training. She was very mouthy, nipping and grabbing, and was physically intimidating my wife. Pushing her over, jumping on her, mouthing her hands. She would absolutely not listen to my wife's commands at all. We gave her back after a couple months. It wasn't easy, but it was the right thing to do since there was some level of danger to my wife. Lucy ended up in the northeast with an older woman who has a dairy farm. It worked out fine.

"Could it be that we love dogs, just are not very dog like??"

Absolutely! I grew up with dogs, and had two cool dogs for years when I was married. And now I don't. Earlier this year I was even thinking how cool it would be to have a pup again.....until a friend came for an extended stay with her two dogs. Now I'm back to being happy with two cats and no dogs in my life again.

My problem with greyhounds is that the adopted ones I've been around are never very "dog-like." We have (admittedly) a zoo, with two dogs & two cats as well as three kids, but the dogs are very, very interactive. One of the dogs & the cats are always chasing each other around the house, or trying to corner the other (it's play!). The other one is a step stool for the one year old, and being a buddy.

Contrast that with a greyhound, which just sort of lay there until it's time to go outside. They never seem to care whether you're around or not, and just basically are an observer to life. If this doesn't work out, before you tear everything down, maybe you should see if you could watch a friend's golden for a weekend?

First, if it really isn't working out, please just return him to the rescue. That will be for the best.

That said, I will add my personal experience. We have a little terrier named Scout. She was adopted by my wife before we were married and was supposedly a little over a year old at the time. She has been a permanent and much loved feature of our home and has complete run of the place. She is now at least sixteen years old. That is quite aged for a dog and she is clearly very elderly and has been deteriorating in health.

Recently, I received a text from my wife while I was at work. It was simply a picture of a cat. I recognized the distinctive plaid of our futon in the edge of the photo, so I responded "what is that and why is it in our house?". it turns out that she went to the humane society and unilaterally picked a cat. We had generally discussed the possibility of adopting a new baby since ours was getting up in years, etc. But, this was a surprise.

To put it simply, this new pet did not feel right at first. He wouldn't even really come out from under the futon for several days. After that, he barely came out of that spare bedroom for a couple weeks and was promptly chased back in by Scout when he did. However, over time, the cat (now named Finn) became less intimidated by the dog, and the dog now tolerates and mostly ignores the cat. They now get along well, and Finn is now part of the family. It took the better part of a month before they were fully comfortable with each other though.

It's actually pretty funny. Finn is young and wants to play with Scout. He'll run around the house like a lunatic and seems to want her to chase him, witch she will sometimes indulge a little bit. He will jump out and ambush her, he even occasionally body-checks her as he runs by and she usually just kind of stares at him for a second and then continues on with her business.

Long story short, a single week is probably just the beginning of the adjustment period, based on my recent experience.

In reply to WonkoTheSane:

That's actually what attracted us to the breed! We thought that sounded cat-like. But he has all the boring features of a cat and the tough to deal with features of a dog... but all of that isn't a surprise. It's just not right feeling to us

KyAllroad wrote: Here's where I go shiny happy person: remember this experience if you find yourselves wanting actual children. If you think this is tough with a dog, kids are a whole 'nother level of commitment and there are no take backs with them.

The difference is that children bring a lot more to your life as they get older. Not to mention that by the time a kid hit 4 years old, they are spending half the day at school. Eventually, they'll spend most of their day out and about. Eventually they learn to wipe their own ass. Dogs however will still require walks and poop collection 3 times a day for most of their 6-15 year old life. Yea sure, some dogs can be self sufficient or "easy", but anyone with kids will tell you that while kids may be more challenging, they bring something to life that is irreplaceable. The commitment is great, but the payoff is greater too. It's part of the reason I'll never understand why people get a dog, then immediately have kids. Or vice versa, they get a dog when the kids are still really young. A kid = a dog in terms of commitment and "love resources" and most people only have enough love for one creature and the dog unfortunately gets the shaft. I just saw it with a neighbor. Guy got divorced and bought a dog for his boy, dog spent all day outside, barked constantly, and never got any love. Neighbor dude didn't have enough love in his heart for more than one creature, and the boy pulled the longer straw. Luckily the pup is off too a good home.

I'm prepared to raise a kid. And I'm prepared to own a dog. But not both.

WonkoTheSane wrote: My problem with greyhounds is that the adopted ones I've been around are never very "dog-like." We have (admittedly) a zoo, with two dogs & two cats as well as three kids, but the dogs are very, very interactive. One of the dogs & the cats are always chasing each other around the house, or trying to corner the other (it's play!). The other one is a step stool for the one year old, and being a buddy. Contrast that with a greyhound, which just sort of lay there until it's time to go outside. They never seem to care whether you're around or not, and just basically are an observer to life. If this doesn't work out, before you tear everything down, maybe you should see if you could watch a friend's golden for a weekend?

Most greys I know are real Velcro dogs, always looking to be on the closest soft thing to their owner. That said, they can sometimes seem a little aloof. Great cuddlers, though.

I think a week is too little time. It's not going to ruin the dog if you keep him a month and see if things get better. Hell, it took a YEAR for one of my greys to really come out of his shell. Miss that dog.

WonkoTheSane wrote: My problem with greyhounds is that the adopted ones I've been around are never very "dog-like."

This was the first thing I thought...

Rescuing them is a fine thing to do ... but if you wanted a DOG dog - they are not really that.

And, please, stop crying. If you want something to cry about - get a terrier. Then you can weep for your treed cats, your destroyed shoes, the holes in the yard, the "missing" squirrels and chipmunks, or being woken up at 6am on Saturday by a 30lb stomach punch with a frisbee in it's teeth wanting to play. There is no off switch but they are very entertaining.

Put me in the give it some more time camp. I think one of the biggest challenges for my girlfriend and me since we've moved in together last year has been integrating her and her two cats with my Lab/Aussie Shepherd mix. She's not the most doggy person, loves animals but dogs don't jive well with her need for order and neatness, and Bear is about as "doggy" as dogs get. The cats, Lucy and Mia, are prissy things that had pretty much zero exposure to dogs previously and it took a while before they would even come downstairs while he was in the house, even though he was gated off from them.

It's taken quite a bit of time, easily months, but everyone has now adjusted to the new routine and order. We still keep Bear gated off to protect some of the nicer furniture and gives the cats a place to get away (which I think has actually somewhat hindered the relationship between the cats and dog, but that's the way SWMBO insists on having it and Bear is admittedly a bit too high energy for the fat/lazy cats to deal with constantly), but they're used to each other and seem to actually enjoy the company.

It's a major lifestyle change for that has thrown off the equilibrium for everyone involved. Give it a few more weeks at least to balance out.