If you're up for a read I'd recommend a book called Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl (available as an audio book too). It's a sucky situation to face the loss of some of your abilities/function and a challenge to not focus on stuff you can't do now. Use the social workers at the hospital to help work on the focus for what you can do. You have my number.
In reply to oldtin:
Thanks I'll definitely be downloading it today in audio format. It's absolutely the loss of function that has me at my wits end and not fear of passing. There's a 70% chance that I'll permanently loose 100% of right arm function after the upcoming surgery. I strangely fear that more than loosing the arm, which there's a small chance of even without infection risk or passing on the table. Loosing outlets and forms of communication terrorify me. I used to draw, paint and write. I did graphic design for a period of time. I spent a decent amount of time talking to Anders Green about what would be needed to get the idea of a $201X rallycross event going under the NRS umbrella of sanctioning and insurance. I'm going to do what I can to get a site secured in the coming weeks. It was a much needed distraction.
I know it is tough but we are all pulling for you.
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