Southern Cops

Subject: SOUTHERN COPS HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS . . . .

These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I 'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Haha. Excellent.

lol...

Some of those I'd believe.

Taking notes...

Doesn't sound like any of the Southern cops I ever encountered. They used words like "boy" and "yankee" and "you some kinda smartass or something?".

"Boy you ain't from around these here parts are ya?"

"Yes ma'am you are correct, we do not give pretty girls tickets.

Sign here.

Haha, I believe it. Southern cops have way with words.

One time I was asked if I was "going to school to become a race car driver."

I responded, "Kind of..."

He looked at me funny...

"With all due respect sir, I am in school for motorsports engineering"

In reply to Taiden:

lol

Taiden wrote: Haha, I believe it. Southern cops have way with words. One time I was asked if I was "going to school to become a race car driver." I responded, "Kind of..." He looked at me funny... "With all due respect sir, I am in school for motorsports engineering"

a friend of mine speeds, and a cop pulls him over.

Cop: "Sir, can I see your pilots license?"

Friend: "Yes Sir." Hands over pilots license.

Cop: "E36 M3..."

Cop once asked my brother "You got any guns, knives, hand grenades, or bazookas in there?"

mndsm wrote: Cop once asked my brother "You got any guns, knives, hand grenades, or bazookas in there?"

Its to gauge the response. If they don't laugh or smirk, something is wrong. I always enjoy saying, "yep, got a ton if assault rifles in the trunk"

I've been pulled over by some cool cops and they just joked around with me.

I was in high school with a bunch of friends in my car and when the cop took my license he goes: "Wait a minute, is this you or your sister in this picture?"

I responded: "If that's my sister, that's gotta be one manly looking girl"

Everybody got a laugh out of that.

Don't laugh too hard... my father was doing weapons training for his soldiers back in the mid-'70s. He was headed to base on a Sunday afternoon (after church even) and got stopped for speeding in his Fiat 124 Sport Coupe, still in civilian clothes, with two M16s and three LAWs in the back seat. He was able to calm the officer down after showing that the M16s were encased in urethane and the LAWs were already used and had dummy rockets in 'em.

Got stopped walking home one night when I was in high school. It's late, I'm late, parents are gonna kill me.

Cops roll up, where you going etc. Told 'em. Mind if we search you? Rather be making tracks, I'm late enough.

Too bad.

They found a baggie with a tiny bit of dust in the corner, gave the the eyeball.

You got papers?

They relieved me of two and drove oof.

Hey wait, can't I get a ride?

Jerk.

mndsm wrote: Cop once asked my brother "You got any guns, knives, hand grenades, or bazookas in there?"

The proper answer is:

"Bazookas?, Bazookas?... No, no bazookas officer, I ain't got nun of them"

My response to questions like that is "Nope, fresh out".

There's no way, no way that you came from my loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!

I ain't got no bazookas, how about some DoubleMint?

One of my favorite police encounters was a highschool deal. Cop pulled me over in a section notorious for dickhead cops. Friday night, highschool in a little beater Tempo with white mans afro...

Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Me: "No officer"
Cop: "Your headlight is out"
(cop walks to the headlight, kicks it, light comes on)
Cop (faux mexican accent): "I FEEX IT!!"
(cop turns around and leaves)

Taiden wrote: One of my favorite police encounters was a highschool deal. Cop pulled me over in a section notorious for dickhead cops. Friday night, highschool in a little beater Tempo with white mans afro... Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Me: "No officer" Cop: "Your headlight is out" (cop walks to the headlight, kicks it, light comes on) Cop (faux mexican accent): "I FEEX IT!!" (cop turns around and leaves)

That would get him fired now a days

I would give that cop a medal if he did that.

Not a funny one persay, but cool cop nonetheless- I got pulled over in an affluent community (Ok it was Eden Prairie MN) by a cop with CLEARLY nothing better to do. Writes me for my tint, my missing front plate, and other miscellanious garbage. I can't really blame him though, for all intents and purposes, he didn't know I was in my late 20's and not some punk kid due to said tint. Anyhow- have to go get it inspected before I can get out of the ticket. Go up to the ol police station and summon a policeperson to check it out. Sufficiently satisfied that I had all the neccessary things corrected, he goes to sign off on the ticket. No clipboard. I'm cringing as his hands and the ticket and his pen are headed towards the hood of my car. Not gonna say anything though, because well, let's face it, I just got out of a ticket I probably shouldn't have. He stops halfway, hands bear right, and he ends up signing off on the windshield as to not hose my paint. I told him I appreciated it muchly, he says "S'alright, I'm a car guy, I get it."

I got some too.

I was pulled in a project Trans Am. The cars interior was all there...but not where it should be. The cop walks over to the car, looks in, groans and says there is no way in hell he is searching my car.

I had a cop give us our motto for our High School car club. I was acting a fool in my pick-up and a cop pulled into the cloud that was my smoke show. He got out of his car and came over. He said that he saw the whole thing. His quote was "Son, next time more gas and less clutch." He was a cool guy and asked us if their were any four-wheeling trails around because he wanted to test his jeep.

CHICKENberkeleyER!