The Big, Dumb Star Wars: Force Awakens thread.

Saw it last night. Dukewife loved it; I didn't feel like I wasted my time and money, but I was not very involved. Too many stupid plot holes and unlikely/impossible events and things that made no sense. Some of it was good but some of it was just stupid.

I also thought the entire movie had fundamental problems with scale, both in time and physicality:

1. It seemed like the whole thing took place in real time over maybe 48 consecutive hours, not at all like months or even weeks which it clearly would have had to be. I understand that we came in just before Death Star XXXL came online, but still. It only takes 20 minutes to drysuck a SUN inside-out, and in those same 20 minutes you can plan an attack, fuel, arm, and transit a fleet of fighter-bombers (which have just come off a previous major sortie) to attack position, AND get somebody inside to drop the shields? I mean, they literally said it would take 20 minutes to recharge the weapon, and right after they start recharging, Leia decides the Resistance have to attack. This isn't even about screen time compression, it's about indicated, specifically-mentioned real plot time.

2. The same thing happened with physical scale, particularly on the DSXXXL planet. I understand hyperspace means you can get where you're going in a hurry. But berking cataclysmic things were happening on that planet, and people kept getting safely out of blast range in 2 minutes on foot. It's like being in downtown Hiroshima, thinking you don't like the looks of what's falling out of that plane up there, and deciding to walk the other way for a little bit... thereby magically surviving the atomic bomb.

3. So the Empi... I mean, First Order builds a gargantuan supermegaultraweapon (again, but yeah, that's bureaucracy for ya). But even ignoring the obligatory fatal weakness, it has a fundamental design flaw: even if everything functions perfectly, it's only good for TWO SHOTS. It entirely consumes the sun that it orbits in order to provide power to the weapon. I assume they used up half the sun taking out the Republic homeworld, and the other half was for the rebel base. So those TWO SHOTS better berking count because after that you have a weapon that is not only empty but unaimable and headed irretrievably into deep space because the only thing that was holding it in place got sucked up and jizzed out across the galaxy.

There were also lots of stupid little things, too:

1. Why the berk does the "Vader from another mother" dude wear the stupid mask if he can just take it off any time he wants? It's not like it changed his voice into James Earl Jones or anything. He just sounded like he had a bad cellphone connection, and he clearly didn't have any trouble breathing without it. So basically he's like Gene Belcher in "Beefsquatch" mode.

2. I can't park my Miata in the garage for 6 weeks without the battery going flat. But the Falcon can sit half under a tarp in the desert for 10-20 years and fire right up? And then go straight to emergency war power and radical, high-g maneuvering without throwing a rod?

3. A girl - admittedly a badass girl - who has never driven anything larger than a giant fudgesicle can hop in the Falcon and immediately perform complex, zero-margin maneuvers better than trained fighter pilots flying fighters?

Meh. I didn't watch any trailers and I admit I'm not a die-hard Star Wars geek, but even with the limited amount of hype I paid attention to, I was underwhelmed.

I thought Marilyn Manson did an excellent job as Kylo Ren.

Other than that I enjoyed the movie. It was exactly what it was supposed to be, a Star Wars movie.

Agreed, it washed away the bad taste of the prequels. It was a Star Wars movie. I watched the original (just the one, not the trilogy) before going to see the new one and it fit. Much different pacing and a lot livelier to look at, of course, but it looked like they belonged together. Including the crazy wipe transitions.

I've never seen anything but the movies. So no concerns about canon or extended universe or whatever. If you came straight from seeing the original trilogy, this one plugged right in. Yeah, superweapon with a (not so easily) exploited flaw. The dark side of the force just doesn't have a lot of imagination. The only thing I didn't understand was who the old dude was in the beginning. Obi Wan Kenobi Jr, with the secret map to Luke. What?

The dogfight scenes were awesome. And the girl who plays Rei kept on reminding me of Keira Knightly. Which is not a bad thing at all. She was pretty awesome.

As for leaving things unexplained like "who was Rei's mother?", the original Star Wars had all sorts of unexplained bits in it too. It's been 30 years, who's to say Luke didn't have time to meet someone, fall in love, have a kid and then give it all up because his nephew turned out to be a Darth Vader fanboi who killed all his Jedi kinder. Which, when you think about it, shows that the Jedi keep making the same mistakes too.

The biggest thing that jumped out at me was the "light side". I don't remember there being a light side and a dark side, I remember good vs evil. I'm pretty sure the saying used to be "There's still good in him", not "there's still light in him". Did this come out of all the books and stuff, or is it part of the cutesy marketing campaigns of "will you choose the light side or the dark side?" Seriously, going to to the dark side eats your soul. It's not GOOD.

One of these days, OSHA is going to get involved in superweapon construction. Until then, no handrails on narrow walkways with unfathomable drops.

I thought the Vader wannabe was a whiny hipster, not nearly pernicious enough to take over the entire universe.

Saw it Sunday. Loved it. Loved it enough I will find a way to go watch it again. LEft the theater completely overwhelmed with questions wanting answers which is what a good series is supposedto do. Worth the wait, worth the hype.

It was just pointed out to me that Keira Knightly was one of Queen Amidala's hand maidens. And we know that Rei looks and sounds like Keira. So that means that Rei is the daughter of Luke and some woman who is old enough to be his mother and knew his mother. Yup, given his previously displayed predilections, I can see that.

Keith Tanner wrote: One of these days, OSHA is going to get involved in superweapon construction. Until then, no handrails on narrow walkways with unfathomable drops.

Not to mention all those independent contractors. I'm thinking IBEW should get called in.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/C4MVQby0InQ?rel=0

Aw, what the hell...one more. https://www.youtube.com/embed/I0VZj-85E5o?rel=0

Duke wrote: 4. Why the berk does the "Vader from another mother" dude wear the stupid mask if he can just take it off any time he wants? It's not like it changed his voice into James Earl Jones or anything. He just sounded like he had a bad cellphone connection, and he clearly didn't have any trouble breathing without it. So basically he's like Gene Belcher in "Beefsquatch" mode. 5. I can't park my Miata in the garage for 6 weeks without the battery going flat. But the *Falcon* can sit half under a tarp in the desert for 10-20 years and fire right up? And then go straight to emergency war power and radical, high-g maneuvering without throwing a rod? 6. A girl - admittedly a badass girl - who has never driven anything larger than a giant fudgesicle can hop in the *Falcon* and immediately perform complex, zero-margin maneuvers better than trained fighter pilots flying fighters? Meh. I didn't watch any trailers and I admit I'm not a die-hard *Star Wars* geek, but even with the limited amount of hype I paid attention to, I was underwhelmed.

OK, your earlier complaints are overly-pedantic nitpicking for a Star Wars movie but I can address these.

4: Perhaps it has something to do with keeping his real identity a secret.

5: This could belong with your earlier complaints but it's a crazy alien spaceship with technology that makes it look like, today, we're banging rocks together in comparison. It doesn't have lead-acid batteries or rubber bushings and certainly no "rods." So it's worse than a late-1800s car owner pointing out that the operation of a 2015 Tesla S is hilariously unrealistic.

6: Look at her as Luke Skywalker with lady parts. Apparently hooning spaceships is a popular leisure activity in the Star Wars universe, and it's implied that this is how Luke learned to be an elite pilot while being a farmboy, so she could've done the same.

GameboyRMH wrote:

Duke wrote: 4. Why the berk does the "Vader from another mother" dude wear the stupid mask if he can just take it off any time he wants? It's not like it changed his voice into James Earl Jones or anything. He just sounded like he had a bad cellphone connection, and he clearly didn't have any trouble breathing without it. So basically he's like Gene Belcher in "Beefsquatch" mode. 5. I can't park my Miata in the garage for 6 weeks without the battery going flat. But the *Falcon* can sit half under a tarp in the desert for 10-20 years and fire right up? And then go straight to emergency war power and radical, high-g maneuvering without throwing a rod? 6. A girl - admittedly a badass girl - who has never driven anything larger than a giant fudgesicle can hop in the *Falcon* and immediately perform complex, zero-margin maneuvers better than trained fighter pilots flying fighters? Meh. I didn't watch any trailers and I admit I'm not a die-hard *Star Wars* geek, but even with the limited amount of hype I paid attention to, I was underwhelmed.

OK, your earlier complaints are overly-pedantic nitpicking for a Star Wars movie but I can address these. 4: Perhaps it has something to do with keeping his real identity a secret. 5: This could belong with your earlier complaints but it's a crazy alien spaceship with technology that makes it look like, today, we're banging rocks together in comparison. It doesn't have lead-acid batteries or rubber bushings and certainly no "rods." So it's worse than a late-1800s car owner pointing out that the operation of a 2015 Tesla S is hilariously unrealistic. 6: Look at her as Luke Skywalker with lady parts. Apparently hooning spaceships is a popular leisure activity in the Star Wars universe, and it's implied that this is how Luke learned to be an elite pilot while being a farmboy, so she could've done the same.

and being a true geek that that I am. Let us not forget Anakin was an expert pilot from childhood, pod racing etc.

Literary license to steal.

TRoglodyte wrote: Literary license to steal.

Huh?

I saw it in 3D. The scene with the star destroyer just hanging there in space taking up the whole screen was probably the first time any single visual display in a movie has ever made me audibly gasp.

That was the best 3D effect I've ever seen.

In reply to Duke:

1/2: Yeah I thought it moved too fast too.

3: Everything in this universe capable of operating out of atmosphere seems to have faster than light travel, not much of a stretch to think that Starkiller Base was self propelled. Power certainly isnt a problem since it can eat and contain entire stars. FWIW The Death Star 1 did have hyperdrive and it was presumably planned for DS 2.

1a. He idolizes Vader and clearly has some serious insecurity issues.

2a. I recall it did have some problems doing that, like it was dead in the water after they escaped.

3a. Force Sensitivity? Recall young Anakin Skywalker's ability to pilot anything. As I recall, he was the only known human with good enough reaction times to drive a pod racer.

I kept thinking Kylo Ren was this guy:

I'm going to see it a second time next week. Is it worth it in 3D? With all the flying swooping whirling action I was afraid I'd leave my popcorn and root beer on the floor, a little processed.

I'd say so, and I'm not usually a 3D guy. It really adds to the sense of scale in the space scenes.

I saw it in 3D. It was good and not overly nausea-inducing, but it did add some blurriness to the overall image. And yes, I was wearing the glasses .

slefain wrote: I thought Marilyn Manson did an excellent job as Kylo Ren.

Lmfao

Saw it in 3D too. After a while, I forgot that it was a 3D movie. Not sure if that is a point in favor of the 3D or not, but I stopped noticing the 3D effects. I'm going to look for an IMAX theater the next time I see it, which will be sometime next weekend with my family.

In reply to Flight Service:

The system they blew up was called Hosnia, not Coruscant.

I did enjoy how they watched a solar system be destroyed in real time from another solar system. JJ should retake high school physics.

trucke wrote:

Technically, that's a Star Wars wing, not a spoiler.

slefain wrote: I thought Marilyn Manson did an excellent job as Kylo Ren.

I thought that was John Travolta playing Vinnie Barbarino playing a character that wanted to be a bit like a totally non-scary version of Darth Vadar.

I enjoyed it. The story was rather lame and predictable though.