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pinchvalve
pinchvalve GRM+ Memberand PowerDork
3/14/12 8:01 a.m.

Lovers and haters alike, what would the new iCar from Apple be? (yes, I know it will cost twice as much and always start.)

mad_machine
mad_machine GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
3/14/12 8:19 a.m.

you would have to watch where you put your hand so as not to block the radio antenna

93EXCivic
93EXCivic UltimaDork
3/14/12 8:23 a.m.

It would be an over-price piece of junk that all the hipsters would have. So basically a stylish Prius.

RossD
RossD UltraDork
3/14/12 8:26 a.m.

I thought they already made this car; it's call the Prius. All the snooty Apple people looking down their nose at the people driving normal cars, assuming everyone else just doesn't get 'it'. When in fact a car like a Fiesta (Windows 7 Pro) can do more and then there are the small diesel cars (Unix/Linux) that are better yet but are really only for the people in the 'know'.

carguy123
carguy123 PowerDork
3/14/12 9:05 a.m.

It will out Ferrari, Ferrari.

It will look good, always work, probably won't even use any/much gas.

It will never need to be worked on - that's it's real plus. It will just work when and where you want it to work the way you want it to work.

It will be an automatic to those that need that but a rip roaring 6 speed for the rest of us.

It will work the way we do.

4cylndrfury
4cylndrfury UltimaDork
3/14/12 9:08 a.m.

It will revolutionize the car industry, except it will only run on gas Apple sells and you can only drive it on Apples roads

carguy123
carguy123 PowerDork
3/14/12 9:27 a.m.
4cylndrfury wrote: It will revolutionize the car industry, except it will only run on gas Apple sells and you can only drive it on Apples roads

You mean like MS don't you (they've been doing that since their inception).

Oh wait, an MS car would also require a large mechanic staff to go everywhere you went to make sure it ran or else require a significant portion of your day to keep it going. That means you could only plan on driving 6 hours a day because it would take 18 hours to get it ready to run the next day. So it would only be good for short trips.

The speed of the MS car would also vary greatly as "things" like virus' stuck to it and you would have to constantly have to "demagnetize" it to get rid of all the excess baggage that stuck to it.

The MS car would have the steering wheel on one side of the car and the gas pedals on the other and no telling where the radio knob would be.

Jay
Jay SuperDork
3/14/12 10:08 a.m.
carguy123 wrote: It will out Ferrari, Ferrari. It will look good, always work, probably won't even use any/much gas. It will never need to be worked on - that's it's real plus. It will just work when and where you want it to work the way you want it to work. It will be an automatic to those that need that but a rip roaring 6 speed for the rest of us. It will work the way we do.

It'll also report your whereabouts back to Apple at all times, charge you by the kilometer for no technical reason, and the hood will be sealed shut. If you try to open it, you'll have violated Apple's TOS and then they'd have the right to remotely disable it as you're cruising through the middle of nowhere.

Man, this little visit back to 1995 has been fun!

mndsm
mndsm UberDork
3/14/12 10:18 a.m.

It will be marketed to the people that like things that just work. There will be significant aftermarket support for surface treatments and storage, iCover, iGarage, iBra, i3MClearshield. Google will fight back by releasing the Android-mobile. Apple will continue to insist you integrate your entire life around your iCar, making sure it's damn near non functional with anything not Apple software approved. The Chinese will make a knockoff called the sCar- it will work with a ripped version of iECU, and will function nearly as well at a third of the cost without that pesky DRM Apple uses.

DrBoost
DrBoost UltraDork
3/14/12 10:22 a.m.

It'll look cool and work correctly. When you turn the directional control device to the left, it will turn left. It will NOT ask if you are sure you want to turn left. It will NOT turn right because, while it knows you said left, it knows better than you and must have meant right. It will always rub some people the wrong way. The same people that can't get past the fact that there are two (or more) different ways to skin a cat will hate it. They will not understand that, just because they chose the mainstream way, another way works for other folks too.

neon4891
neon4891 PowerDork
3/14/12 10:29 a.m.

Fisker Karma

SilverFleet
SilverFleet Dork
3/14/12 10:29 a.m.

I saw one of those new Prius V's this morning sitting in traffic with an Apple sticker on it. The car probably wasn't a week old, and the ween-ball owner already put that sticker and a few other ones on there.

RealMiniDriver
RealMiniDriver SuperDork
3/14/12 10:32 a.m.

It will only have one pedal, instead of two or three. You'll have to "agree" every time you want to drive it. It'll only come in white, at first, then adding black as an option. There will only be one button on the dash to operate any function - radio, ventilation, navigation, etc.

EvanR
EvanR Reader
3/14/12 10:35 a.m.

It will make my stock go up. More.

Bought at $11/share, now at $581/share.

Build the damn car!

Tom_Spangler
Tom_Spangler GRM+ Memberand Reader
3/14/12 10:40 a.m.
carguy123 wrote:
4cylndrfury wrote: It will revolutionize the car industry, except it will only run on gas Apple sells and you can only drive it on Apples roads
You mean like MS don't you (they've been doing that since their inception). Oh wait, an MS car would also require a large mechanic staff to go everywhere you went to make sure it ran or else require a significant portion of your day to keep it going. That means you could only plan on driving 6 hours a day because it would take 18 hours to get it ready to run the next day. So it would only be good for short trips. The speed of the MS car would also vary greatly as "things" like virus' stuck to it and you would have to constantly have to "demagnetize" it to get rid of all the excess baggage that stuck to it. The MS car would have the steering wheel on one side of the car and the gas pedals on the other and no telling where the radio knob would be.

I remember when the "MS car" thing was going around on email in the 90s.

My Apple-fan friend was talking to me about this the other day. Apparently there is some chance of it being a real thing someday. Perhaps that's what will eventually slow or stop Apple's meteoric rise: Hubris.

Joe Gearin
Joe Gearin Associate Publisher
3/14/12 10:48 a.m.

The iCar won't come with instructions. You'll just have to instinctively know how to use it. If you ask questions you will be ridiculed by other iCar users.

It will never crash though

Josh
Josh Dork
3/14/12 10:49 a.m.
EvanR wrote: It will make my stock go up. More. Bought at $11/share, now at $581/share. Build the damn car!

Man, I felt smart when I bought it at ~90 and sold it at ~270 to put a down payment on a house.

Karacticus
Karacticus GRM+ Memberand New Reader
3/14/12 11:25 a.m.

Parts will only be available at the dealer and though aftermarket parts will be available, Apple will receive 30% of the purchase price.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker
Giant Purple Snorklewacker UltimaDork
3/14/12 11:37 a.m.

It would just be a Mini with Apple decals but priced like a GT3-RSR.

mndsm
mndsm UberDork
3/14/12 11:59 a.m.
Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: It would just be a Mini with Apple decals but priced like a GT3-RSR.

But as reliable as gravity.

93EXCivic
93EXCivic UltimaDork
3/14/12 12:01 p.m.
mndsm wrote:
Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: It would just be a Pruis with Apple decals but priced like a GT3-RSR.
But as reliable as gravity.

Fixed

Giant Purple Snorklewacker
Giant Purple Snorklewacker UltimaDork
3/14/12 12:07 p.m.
93EXCivic wrote:
mndsm wrote:
Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: It would just be a Pruis with Apple decals but priced like a GT3-RSR.
But as reliable as gravity.
Fixed

I said Mini because they are kinda sexy with a nice fit and finish. They are mostly bought by hipster types who like the fashion statement but can be used for some serious track work too.

I think it is a perfect fit for the iCar. Just ask too much for it and make the battery impossible to change. Done.

Gearheadotaku
Gearheadotaku GRM+ Memberand SuperDork
3/14/12 1:03 p.m.

i-car 1 will have long waiting lines for purchase, and i-car 2 will be out within 6 months of i-car 1. Lines will be even longer and used i-car 1's will be sold for peanuts. i-car 3 will follow the same cycle, as will 4. Now if you bought a cheap i-car 1, you will still be able to get where you are going, just be laughed at by new model owners.

Grizz
Grizz Dork
3/14/12 1:04 p.m.
carguy123 wrote: It will out Ferrari, Ferrari. It will look good, always work, probably won't even use any/much gas. It will never need to be worked on - that's it's real plus. It will just work when and where you want it to work the way you want it to work. It will be an automatic to those that need that but a rip roaring 6 speed for the rest of us. It will work the way we do.

This is the commercial, it will do none of these things in real life.

It wont be any better than any of it's competitors, but you can pick more than one color so it will be a resounding success with everyone who was planning on buying one for the apple badge anyway.

Ty_Lo95
Ty_Lo95 New Reader
3/14/12 1:29 p.m.

Steve Jobs drove an Amg Mercedes.. That must have been close to what an icar would be since he was such a perfectionist.

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