This forum and my wife are killing me

I'm a gear head, certifiably obsessed with cars, have been since I can remember. This forum has been constantly filling my head with ideas both bad and good for years. I will never have the time or money to do half of the things that I want to do, that I wouldn't even have known about, if it wasn't for you bunch of lunatics.

My wife is not into cars. She doesn't understand the obsession. She just can not make sense of it. She has been tolerant of it, even accommodating at times. But she doesn't like sacrificing the time and money I've spent over the years pursuing my passion, which in her mind is fruitless and illogical.

So a couple of years ago I made a deal with her. For a period of five years I would not buy another vehicle, including anything with wheels powered or not, boats or airplanes. I had a company vehicle to get back and forth to work and I had my bike to play around with.

I had resigned myself to this fact. For the last two years I have been content saving money and living vicariously through the forum. Until, old job went away along with company truck. Living in central Texas the weather is conducive to commuting on the bike probably around 48-50 weeks out of the year. Unfortunately, we are in the time of year that it's not. New job started two weeks ago and I rode the first week. Last week was very wet and below freezing in the morning. I can deal with each of those individually but the risk of ice is too great for me to deal with both of them at the same time on a motorcycle. Especially without having health insurance. One little icy patch on a bridge could be very devastating. So I have been relying on the wife to drop me off and pick me up from work. Luckily her schedule allows that.

But it's freaking killing me. I hate having to rely on someone else to get around. I have been searching Craigslist like a maniac for the last week. I don't want to break my deal with her but I need a car. I know in a week or two the temps will be up and I will be fine on the bike again until next winter but I need a car. I hate standing around outside work waiting for a ride like I've had a DUI or something.

She's pushing me to hold out. She knows that I am incapable of just getting a beater with a heater and leaving it alone. She has seen it time and time again. It will turn into body and paint work, suspension work, engine work or whatever. I have no control over it, it's a compulsion. I can't leave them alone.

So my head is spinning. I don't really need a car, but, I want a car. She is telling me no and you just keep giving me ideas. And that is another problem. My mind is going a million different directions and I really don't know what I want. I just need something that can get me ten minutes to work when the weather doesn't promote riding. Anything can do that. But I also want to go to the occasional autox...or rallyx...or maybe an HPDE. But I also am attracted to original paint, good condition survivor cars that really don't lend themselves to motorsports. Or there are several 2wd Jeep XJ's in terrific condition for sale cheap that are just waiting for me to go all Team External Combustion on. Ugh, I'm a mess.

Edit; Crap, that is a lot of words. I'll ad some random pictures to break it up a little.

So what did she give up?

simple.. you need a car.. let her choose it.

In reply to MrJoshua:

The best years of her life, according to her

Let her pick it for you, and steer her towards a beater pick up or van. There is no way that you would chose to drive one of those when the weather will permit ridding the bike, and it will be genuinely useful when you need to haul stuff.

if you wait it out, what does she expect is going to happen when you are permitted to buy a car? that you're NOT going to tinker with it?

sounds like even though she doesnt get it, she needs to get used to the idea that you like playing with cars.

Nick_Comstock wrote: In reply to MrJoshua: The best years of her life, according to her

I hope she didn't say that joking or not.

In reply to HappyAndy:

I will do this to a van

And if the truck is 2wd I will do this

or 4wd

It's not getting a vehicle that is the issue. It's that I will spend all of my spare time and money on it. I'm incurable.

What's at the end of holding out for five years?

Maybe ask yourself this: Imagine the kind of car that would be waiting for you if you went to hell (auto Camry, whatever you absolutely do not want, that has no redeeming quality whatsoever). Buy that.

You need a girlfriend.

oldtin wrote: What's at the end of holding out for five years?

I think she was hoping that I would have some kind of transformation or some type of epiphany or something.

Yeah I got nothing for you. My wife gets it and though she may not understand, she tries. But we had a deal where I don't spend family money on the projects, that includes the motorbike. I either get funds from selling stuff on CL/forums/etc or odd jobs here and there. To each is own but that has worked for us for coming up on 13 years.

I knew about the 5 year deal, but how many years in are you? And what happens at the end of those 5? Do you get to buy whatever you want? Amount? Project or not?

Nick_Comstock wrote:

oldtin wrote: What's at the end of holding out for five years?

I think she was hoping that I would have some kind of transformation or some type of epiphany or something.

Ohhh... he'll change!

Two years in. I am free to get what I want after. I don't really want a new car or a payment so it'll be relatively cheap. Everything eventually turn into a project. Unless it's a nice original survivor and I'm interested in preserving it. I saw a very mint late eighties or early nineties Olds Toronado with low miles the other day, cheap.

This is friggin' sweet! Who wouldn't want that?

I sold my WRX and the shell that I was going to swap the drivetrain into last year, it was rusty, but mostly so I didn't have to listen to my wife bitch about it anymore. It got crappy mileage, burned premium, it was loud, etc. etc. etc. I picked up a Golf that we can drive around.

The deal was that when the Exploder (her vehicle) is paid for, I can buy what I damn well want (right now Focus RS is screamin my name).

The left over proceeds went into my "fun" fund and I intend to buy a rally-X car with that money. Just waiting for the right deal. The plan is for that car to morph into a car that I can run in rallysprints.

This place tends to drive me nuts

Just go buy a damn car.

I know there are lots of guys here who like to defend having to be the one to make all the compromises in the name of some sort of "woman on a pedestal" upbringing or whatever it is that makes them grovel like children to do the things they enjoy ... so I'll be the other guy. Anyone who uses the term SWMBO makes me judge them. Sorry. I know. But I'm a judgmental prick and I'm cool with that. I do what I want. The mrs does whatever she wants. We only check each other up if the consequences are too much (me blowing the retirement on a helicopter and lessons falls into this category ;)) We share the things we have in common and get out of the way for the ones we don't.

Selfish? Maybe. I'm married 20 years this year. I wouldn't ever stay in a relationship that stood in my way. I wouldn't expect someone else to let me stand in theirs. Life is too short and the todo list is too long as it is.

Just go buy a damn car.

Go buy a vehicle you want and do what you want with it. Tell the wife to get over it. You're a car guy and she needs to understand that and get off your ass.

Why not go get a rental car for a couple of weeks? Not yours, you turn it back in when you're done, and you can beat the E36 M3 out of it (just get the full insurance).

Come down to round rock and help me wrench on the barracuda. haha. I need more mechanic friends.

Seriously. Talk to her about the situation and be reasonable with the car you get. I mean when you talked about that, you had a company truck so things are different now.

You need a car.

I dont think anyone understands this in this thread, but the way OP words it is he spends money that is detrimental to his/his families financial situation and time.

So you get a car. Make it count. And TALK with your wife (inorite? Crazy business up in here) about a TIME and MONEY budget. She gets to control it, as apparently you need to be reigned in (your own words).

We all love cars. Your wife has to respect that. You not having a car for FIVE years is absurd, especially if she isn't biking to work in freakin' sleet.

At the same time, some people's financial situation simply does not allow an expensive hobby, and cars are by far one of the most expensive hobbies you can have.

I bet I have well over $5k in tools (add another $4k including car trailer). Thats $9k in a hobby without said object or paying for the things I do with it. So lets keep that in mind in this discussion.

In reply to bmw88rider:

Anytime.

In reply to HiTempguy:

You are partially correct. She has had to make some sacrifices on things that she may have wanted to do in the past. Money has never came from family needs. I'm talking about not going to Disney world, not, not being able to eat or pay the bills. We have great communication. And she can see through my attempt at using this short term hardship to break the deal I made for my own selfish purposes.

You made the deal on the condition you had a work truck. Now you don't, so the deal is over.

The real question is which will make you more miserable for the rest of your life: no cars to play with or no her?

And it's going to be one or the other. After the 5 years is up she is going to want you to do it again, thinking you will change (agaian).

Junkyard_Dog wrote: You made the deal on the condition you had a work truck. Now you don't, so the deal is over. The real question is which will make you more miserable for the rest of your life: no cars to play with or no her? And it's going to be one or the other. After the 5 years is up she is going to want you to do it again, thinking you will change (agaian).

i'm kinda leaning this way. however, i do not know you or your wife and this is just a feeling based on a post on the internet.

fortunately, i have a very understanding wife and so long as i keep her in a nice DD and maintain the chevelle so she can ride in it and tell people it's hers, i'm good to go. car $ begets car $, family $ stays out of the hobby stuff. hell we've been married 5.5 years and i've bought 29 cars in that time.