Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote:Ian F wrote: Or a minivan. Trust me - there is very little urge to modify a generic, FWD minivan.Do not trust him. He is full of lies.
I saw the red version of that Odyssey at RA last June, giving as good or better than it got. Dayumn.
In reply to mtn:
You may be right, but I don't think so.
Generally, I see people overspend, and can't handle a budget. 90% of the time, the man is the bigger problem (but always thinks she spends too much on clothes).
The people with shared accounts have to learn management skills and communication, but the people with individual accounts also have issues with sharing and selfishness.
Most people have individual accounts.
In reply to SVreX:
She would echo the same as me, so definitely not a "barely a stipend" situation at all....very far from it. We've had this conversation, together, with people and couples who question it just like you. That's completely fine and, like I said before, what works for some doesn't work for others. Regardless of how others think we should be, we (both) are very happy.
And to the point in your other post. We don't overspend and actually live well below our means.
ok guys, give it a rest, the poor OP is getting drowned out by you two arguing about bank account numbers.
SVreX wrote: In reply to Cotton: I am glad you are happy. I think you are (in part) hearing it the way you want to. I do financially coaching, and I have never seen 2 separately owned accounts that were equal, fair, and accessible to all. I have seen many, many times where 1 person thought it worked perfectly (always the one with the most), while the other was barely getting by with a stipend. You may be the exception, but like I said before you would be a VERY rare case. One note... From a legal perspective, regardless of what you call it or how you use it, your bank account does not belong to her. It's not "ours". It can cause very big problems when there is a disagreement, emergency, separation, death, etc. Sounds like you have a better arrangement than many, but consider the "bad times" scenarios, for both of your sake.
As I mentioned earlier, the ex and I had separate accounts, that was as much her idea as it was mine. I wanted to have a third account just for house etc stuff but she vetoed it. Fair enough; no biggie. The understanding we had was, if she came up short I'd give (not loan) her some and on the few months out of ~15 years where I got tight she did the same. In fact, I got a draw check every week and a commission check once a month, my commission day question to her was always 'do you need money this month?' i.e. I didn't want her to think she had to come begging. I didn't mind; it was simply how things worked. We knew (roughly) each other's CC balances. I also bought groceries (and did not consider it part of the household expenses), did 90% of the yard work, 100% of the car fixing, whatever was needed around the house (painting etc, she would get deep into that because I typically did not do it 'right' 
), I did laundry too, etc so forth and so on. I like staying busy so that didn't bug me. We split the tax refunds 50/50 (even though mine was typically more). Heck, she even volunteered her opinion that I was very fair with finances and chores. Oh yeah, like Cotton mentioned we purposely lived below our means; neither of us gave a crap about 'keeping up appearances'.
This all worked well for a long time, but as with all good things that came to an end. Hidden mental illness will do that...
In reply to Cotton:
I think it's great you have a system that works for you.
But it is also fair to say, that many, many people don't.
So, for the vast majority of people I have met (except you) who mostly have individual accounts, it's worth considering the alternative.
Which, I guess, means I understand Adrian's perspective.
I would also say that some people really need to hear the "shared account" message, because they've never honestly considered it, or what it can mean.
Is this the pedantics shared bank account threadjacking thread? I've heard good things about it.
Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: Just go buy a damn car. I know there are lots of guys here who like to defend having to be the one to make all the compromises in the name of some sort of "woman on a pedestal" upbringing or whatever it is that makes them grovel like children to do the things they enjoy ... so I'll be the other guy. Anyone who uses the term SWMBO makes me judge them. Sorry. I know. But I'm a judgmental prick and I'm cool with that. I do what I want. The mrs does whatever she wants. We only check each other up if the consequences are too much (me blowing the retirement on a helicopter and lessons falls into this category ;)) We share the things we have in common and get out of the way for the ones we don't. Selfish? Maybe. I'm married 20 years this year. I wouldn't ever stay in a relationship that stood in my way. I wouldn't expect someone else to let me stand in theirs. Life is too short and the todo list is too long as it is. Just go buy a damn car.
This exactly......although that mentality is a rarity in my age group unfortunately. I've sent GF's packing for not getting on board with that program.
In reply to yamaha:
Makes sense. My oldest brother has been married for 30 years to the same woman, the secret (which isn't really a secret) of that longevity is they support each other's interests and hobbies. It doesn't mean they always do the same things by any means, although there are parts they share.
I read somewhere that 25% of women are on medications for mental illness. That's so scary to think that 75% are going around untreated!
^Thats funny^
Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote:Nick_Comstock wrote: Really, it's just about me wanting a car.Not anymore it isn't.This is about how your marriage is a sham and how you will save it by adding a side car to your sportster for foul weather.
You sir, you are an enabler of the finest caliber.
I see lots of research in my immediate future
So you get to ride to work 48 of 50ish weeks out of the year, and you're complaining about having to get a ride from the wife occasionally why? Make it a breakfast date. Get a heated jacket and suck it up on the bike when it's cold. Grow some self restraint on modifying a 2wd reg can pickup truck into a challenge car.
Did you specify in your areement with your wife, that the 5 years would be consecutive?
All jokes aside, it seems to me that you are having the hardest time admitting that you probably aren't going to make the 5 year mark on this deal ( no shame intended, I couldn't do this myself). You both made this agreement when the vehicular circumstances were different, and I doubt that she would fault you for wanting to discuss an ammendment to the previous agreement in light of these changes. Buy her some nice dinner and discuss it. 
skierd wrote: So you get to ride to work 48 of 50ish weeks out of the year, and you're complaining about having to get a ride from the wife occasionally why? Make it a breakfast date. Get a heated jacket and suck it up on the bike when it's cold. Grow some self restraint on modifying a 2wd reg can pickup truck into a challenge car.
It's not the cold. It's the cold combined with wet roads, that translates into ice, ice which is very hard to see when it's still dark outside early in the morning.
How long has it been since you have had to rely on others to get you around? For me it's been twenty years. I don't like it. It's berkeleying demoralizing. I don't see how people can carpool, or use public transportation for that matter. What if I need to make a quick getaway? What am I going to do then?
Hopefully the weather breaks soon, this week looks rough but the early forecast for next week looks promising.
EastCoastMojo wrote: Did you specify in your areement with your wife, that the 5 years would be consecutive?
Skierd is right, it's only two or three weeks that I have to be a bum and catch a ride. I guess I can suck it up 
But I have all summer to get my sidecar rig built 
Spin it around if you have to be the man that drives and doesn't mind stranding your wife at work with no way to make a quick getaway... Drive her to work first then go to your job on days you can't ride. You get to be the strong protecting husband safely transporting his wife to work in the blizzard (which my wife would love since she hates driving anyway) and you get to ride almost every day. You win twice brother!
I went motorcycle only from 2009 to 2012 living in Baltimore and only bought reliable 4 wheeled transportation when I moved (via motorcycle) to Alaska. There were many miserable days riding to and from work in questionable weather, including my ride to Alaska that featured 3 days riding in near or below 0*f temperatures. Over those 3 years I probably had a total of 4 weeks where it was impossible to ride to work. There was an adequate level of public transit service from my house-ish to the vicinity of my job fortunately but it added an hour plus each way to my commute. Ymmv.
Fwiw wet roads at freezing doesn't mean they instantly turn in to a hockey rink. Treated roads can usually get down to the 20s before icing up, except bridges. You learn to ride around it or make alternate plans. Maybe a nearby coworker won't mind taking you home if it drops freezing rain after work for example. Or the 3rd or 4th time wife has to pick you up from work she'll help you buy whatever 4wheeled bad idea you've gotten in to your head.
Get yourself a basic health insurance policy, something that basically puts a somewhat feasible to pay off in this lifetime cap on how much a 2 wheeled trip to the emergency room would cost. Probably won't cost more than the fine you're paying to the government for not having insurance and it's good piece of mind. Pre obamacare the policy I had for a while in college like that was like $70/month. Use the money you're saving on car insurance and gas to pay for it.
I don't usually weigh in on marital discussions, but we just had our 30th anniversary so I'm not completely clueless. Your promise was predicated on having a company vehicle and having no "need" (vs "want") for another. Implicit in that promise was the "need" for the one vehicle,your company truck. That's gone and your "need" remains at one vehicle, so I'd go buy something and stick to your promise not to spend needlessly on it. That's the serious free advice..
OR, price up studded tires and a sidecar for the motorcycle and see if she thinks a car would cost less.
Now, based on my 30 years experience I would never make any more 5 year promises where my personal amusement is concerned.I made a commitment to keep her in the manner she has been accustomed to and I'll keep that promise. I get the "You don't need that" speech regularly and my response is always the same. "I don't need it, I want it, and we can afford it." Works so far.
Sell the bike and put that money into a car.
You made two mistakes. You married a woman who is "not into cars in any way" and you made a five year no-car deal with a woman. What were you thinking??
spitfirebill wrote: Sell the bike and put that money into a car. You made two mistakes.
Sweet Jebus... why make it three!? He has a 50 week riding season where he is.
For you guys suggesting he get a sidecar for the crappy weather...
Have any of you actually ridden a bike with a chair in the E36 M3ty weather?
No thank-you.
In reply to Trans_Maro:
No. I haven;t. I have, however, ridden a 2 wheel bike in winter weather Tejans couldn't actually even fathom. Not on purpose... sometimes squalls and freezing rain sneak up on you. It's suicidal on a litre bike without studded tires. But, an extra wheel would make tipping over when the front slides unexpectedly an impossibility (well, lets say less likely since you can tip an SUV over with enough effort). I imagine a good bit of hilarity hooning a hack in snow.
I do know some nutjobs who think this is riding weather... and you can see what they ride in that weather.
Jump to 2.08! Looks like fun. Not to throw any extra fuel on the fire
https://vimeo.com/42848438
Snow is not ice and Urals are 2wd. Winter is not the time to be learning to control a motorcycle that now handles unlike a motorcycle and unlike a car.
He just needs to buy a damn beater to get to and from work safely and leave it the hell alone.
He has a toy to mod and play with, that's the bike that he shouldn't be riding in the E36 M3ty weather. He might be a good rider but he's no match for Suzy Stay-At-Home who is texting and driving while sipping her latte.
Bottom line is that the terms he agreed to initially have changed so the situation needs to be re-examined.
Buy a E36 M3ty beater, practice some self-control and just drive it without dicking with it.
Make your bike your fun project that you can spend fun money on.
When your 5 years are up, you wife gets to do "no spa days for 5 years" so you're even.
Your argument against a hack is the same argument my mom used to try to convince me I didn't need a motorcycle at all 30 years ago.
Everyone just needs a beater to get from point A to point B and no one has any business dicking with them either. And we should all eat better.
I really prefer to swim against the current. I like that he is trying to make a bike his only transport and with a 50 week riding season he can actually pull it off.
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