Toilet Rant

On three separate occasions, I opened the door to a porta-potty to find that somebody had taken a dookie on the floor. Ha ha ha ha. Very funny shiny happy person. I bet he was laughing the whole time. Everybody else thought he was a E36 M3 head (no pun intended).

While on my way to Georgia, my friend and I stopped at a gas station to fuel up and take a pee. I walked into the bathroom to find a situation similar to the one Xceler8x described. It looked like someone stood in front of the toilet, bent over, and blew out about 5 pounds of diarrhea mud all over the toilet. I'm not entirely sure any of it made it INTO the toilet. I almost threw up.

the absolute worst I ever saw was in a gas station toilet. It was a solid one piece dump that was easily as big around as my wrist and managed to wrap compleatly around the bowl.

I cannot even imagine who that came out of or how it came out

Unrelated: am I the only one here who times his pee? I've got a record of 73 seconds of urination so far.

I hatebthe rounded bowls. You know the ones that arent elongated? When my wife and I would look for apartments if the bowl wasnt elongated I would walk out and not even consider it.

porksboy wrote: I hatebthe rounded bowls. You know the ones that arent elongated? When my wife and I would look for apartments if the bowl wasnt elongated I would walk out and not even consider it.

Yeah, I know how it is. Unfortunately, my apartment has the rounded bowl. Isn't much in the way of choice around here

SkinnyG wrote: Unrelated: am I the only one here who times his pee? I've got a record of 73 seconds of urination so far.

Chevy Chase used to describe how if he knew he would have company he would stash a pitcher of water in the bathroom, then excuse himself and "accidentally" leave the door open a crack. He would then pour a slow stream out of the pitcher for minutes...

I was once in the men's room of a gas station. There was no urinal and obviously the toilet stopped flushing a while (days?) before I got there... There were so many layers of E36 M3 and yellow stained toilet paper and paper towels that all the water was displaced and sitting on the seat, would have resulted in contact

Please don't get me started on porta potties. I used to have a job driving a service truck for 'em. I've seen it all, and some of what I've seen you don't want to know. The one thing I can say is pressure washing from a distance and serious disinfectants are a good thing. I also had a job once as a janitor 3rd shift at a university in one of the class room buildings. Yep, womens rooms are worse than the mens room. I once walked into a stall that someone had exploded in. I turned around and refused to clean that one.

This fhread is approaching the limits of tastelessness in quick fashion, but I figure the belly-laughs are worth it..

Some time ago, a bunch of us sat around in a tavern, and developed a theory about the ubiquous urninal puddle.

Generallly, the floor in front of the urinal starts the day clean and dry. The first several patrons stand close and maintain proper aim, and all is good.

But, sometime during the day, some tool comes in and doesn't get close enough, and starts a puddle on the floor. The next guy looks down and thinks, "I don't want to stand in that puddle.". So he stands back a bit, and inevitably, the puddle is enlarged. Same goes for all subsequent patrons, who stand farther back, so as not to wade into the pool. It's a viscious cycle, and it happens every day.

You can't really blame the latter guys for not wanting to stand in a puddle of urine, but that first guy should be shot!

NYG's got a point. I've stood back from those puddles as well, especially if I'm wearing nice shoes.

friedgreencorrado wrote: NYG's got a point. I've stood back from those puddles as well, especially if I'm wearing nice shoes.

Or really old shoes with holes in them.

A buddy of mine told me that he once went into a porta-potty late in the day at an air show and found a pile of E36 M3 so high that it actually crested the seat height.

The amusing part is that someone had taken one of those little American flags the concession folks stick into burgers and stuff and planted it into the top of the pile to create a heart warning scene of patriotism.

Auhhh

RX Reven' wrote: A buddy of mine told me that he once went into a porta-potty late in the day at an air show and found a pile of E36 M3 so high that it actually crested the seat height. The amusing part is that someone had taken one of those little American flags the concession folks stick into burgers and stuff and planted it into the top of the pile to create a heart warning scene of patriotism. Auhhh

LOL! I've heard that one before! It must be a tradition at large public gatherings!

On the topic of strange poos, someone who shall remain nameless once left a filling of homogenous poo paste in one of our toilets...and a lot of it. I wasn't dealing with it. I wonder if that's what happens if you go on an all-yogurt diet?

Henry Rollins did a "All men are idiots. All women are evil" bit back in the day. His theory was that a man's I.Q. drops 100 points as soon as they enter a public restroom. I whole-heartedly agree with this theory. Seriously. You'd think we could make our weiners hit a target ~14" wide and 16" long (no, I'm not going to go measure my toilet) without soaking the roll of toilet paper 10" away at 3 o'clock to our right. What the berkeley is wrong with us?

This being said, I have created some strange works while on the road that I've briefly contemplated leaving as a form of abstract art, to be appreciated and critiqued. One in particular could've passed as a bowl of spinach dip if I'd had some tortilla chips on hand to neatly arrange around it.

poopshovel wrote: One in particular could've passed as a bowl of spinach dip if I'd had some tortilla chips on hand to neatly arrange around it.

TMI dude. TMI.

In reply to poopshovel:

I know a guy that’s a special effects artist for several different TV shows. He told me that while working on StarTrek Deep Space Nine, he had a hard time finding a material with the right texture to serve as an asteroid. The asteroid had to be very realistic as it played an important role in the episode and despite spending a lot of time trying different materials, nothing worked well. Ultimately, he used a piece of dog poo he found in the studio’s parking lot.

I've resisted posting this for several days, but that's the limits of my willpower.

Worst I ever saw was at a campground bathroom. I was standing near the sinks, adjacent to the shower area, waiting for a shower to open up. After a while I noticed that one of the nearby toilet stalls had been closed with little feet visible under the door for a very long time, and being a mom, I started watching that stall closely in case the child in there was stranded without t.p., etc., and needed assistance.

After a while the door opened a crack, an eye looked out and made contact with mine, and the door slammed shut again.

After a longer while the door was flung open, and a little girl of about 4-5 ran out and headed out of the bathroom door like Satan was after her. Me, well... curiosity got the better of me, to my eternal regret, so I went over and looked in the stall.

She'd run out of t.p., all right. There looked to be a roll in the toilet, together with an impressively large amount of, um, dookie... and ALL the walls of the stall had been rubbed with a huge amount of it. If I hadn't seen her exit myself, I would have thought a E36 M3-person had exploded inside.

Never, ever look.

Margie

The belly-laughs make this tasteless thread worth it..

Thread success! We drug Marjorie down to our level! WOOT WOOT!

Poop Thread weight loss program really works! I read this tread at lunch time and my appetite vanished. Order yours today!

I was running late and had to pee at a run down gas station in Milwaukee and I yelled to the attendent jabbering on his phone about the light not working in the bath room. He completely ignored me and the door was to far away to hold open and pee at the same time so... I peed by sonar. The place was a dump, the guy was an ass, and I was in a hurry.

One thing else about cultural differences: If someone was from the middle east, there's a good chance they've used a toilet that is or is close to being a hole in the ground. I've seen cut sheets for toilets with wings on them just so they can "hoover" and not have to have the toilets sunk into the floor of a building. Thats why you see the picture of the "stick guy" hoovering over the toilet with an "x" through it, not because of hooligans.

I've seen the "flush before you go" ...might be shy bladder.

But WTF is the deal with putting your hand high on the wall when you use the urinal?

Anyone care to explain. I've seen it enough times to know that someone here does it.

jamscal wrote: I've seen the "flush before you go" ...might be shy bladder. But WTF is the deal with putting your hand high on the wall when you use the urinal? Anyone care to explain. I've seen it enough times to know that someone here does it.

Being a former Correctional officer I'm not gonna touch this one.

Spinout007 wrote: I'm not gonna touch this one.

That's what he said ???

Some of the funniest things are written on port-o-potty walls. Nothings a better read when pinching one off on the job.